These are my musings and observations on my daily life, loves and the laughter that are all a part of my experience of living now in the shires of England.

Monday, 3 June 2013

Own Your Mess: Trust and Mistakes

Can you ever have trust in someone who you believe has let you down?

I think you can, because I’ve done it before. I did it with my parents. I love them, but I knew from an early age that I felt that they failed me. Both in their separate ways. Both for their own reasons – many that I will never know. But my short, young experience was one of disappointment. That doesn’t mean that I never loved them or that they never loved me. I did love them. I still do. However, it does mean – for me – that I lost trust in them for a time. A long time.

It is a fact of life that in order for you to trust someone who has previously hurt you it takes real courage. I always believed courage was for  ... well, others. Not for me. But I have unwittingly been living a life of courageous steps. I needed to do it. I’m glad I did.

The questions I asked myself before I acted were something like this: ‘Why would you choose to step out in an act of faith? What can you possibly gain? What can you possibly lose by not doing it?’ Then I took the risk and stepped out - taking more realistic expectations with me.

I’ve discovered that when a person makes a mistake, they have to pay for it. It’s only right. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve paid. In some cases, I’m still paying. That’s the nature of consequences I guess.

There are times when a momentary bad decision runs away with you and before you know it you’re tangled up in an intricate spider’s web of a different situation. Because you’re now so entangled, it is often difficult to know how to stop what you’ve already started. You see, I have found that mistakes can be like rolling stones ... they just keep on going down the precipice. Occasionally you need someone with a different kind of strength to reach out and help you: to steer you away from your descent into the depths of despair and eternal loss. Someone to stop you from plummeting out of control. Then, when you are out of the free-falling experience you can look back and see what you did to start that ball rolling. Then you can acknowledge your active role in the situation ... and start to change. It’s a transformative process.

When you create a mess in life (or contribute to the creation of it) it’s good to acknowledge your error and apologise for your part in the situation. Not every mistake is fatal; most of them have a chance of redemption built in.

I think it’s important to own your own mess.

How? Firstly, trust yourself and you’ll be surprised at the results. I am.

I’ve tried it, and I know others have tried it with me, too. It’s worth it.

“If you can really step up and say, ‘This is my part and I fully own it,’ everything flows from there.” Sheri Salata


Anonymous said...

Poignant at every crossroads along the way in personal relationships ...wise words could be helpful in o es life should they be continually put into action ...

Anonymous said...

Yes, Anon. It's action, along with timing, that makes all the difference.
Sometimes we decide to act when it's too late for ourselves, and others. And we have to learn to live in peace with ourselves and that fact. That's our own journey.
Other times we may have the good fortune to cross paths in the future when mistakes and issues of trust are no longer of any importance or consequence as we have all really owned our own mess making actions of the past.
However life pans out, I guess it's important in our silents meditations to accept our own part in whatever occurred. It's often expectations (wrapped in our own egos) that thwart us, whether we are the parent, adult, child or all three at once.

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