These are my musings and observations on my daily life, loves and the laughter that are all a part of my experience of living now in the shires of England.

Wednesday, 30 April 2008

From love to hate in easy steps

Love … lave … have … hate

How can love turn so quickly to hate?

Is it really a quick process? Maybe love dies slowly over time and it’s not noticed or rather it becomes referred to as ‘that comfortable familiarity’. The truth is that the obvious decay is ignored like tooth rot until the pain becomes unbearable. Without care and attention the hot flush of love is washed in the daily grind of life without the spark that first drew the interest of two people together.
Then all that the couple have left together is a bland and boring existence. They keep at the repetition of their joint ‘being’ because somewhere they remember how it used to be, and deep down at least one of them hopes that it will return to the glory days of ecstasy; the times when they desired to be with each other above all else.

This is the time when the Death Valley experience can commence; many who enter there rarely come back alive. This is the mad cycle; the continuous moment when you keep doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. This is a case for euthanasia of the relationship. The exhausting efforts of trying to keep something alive which should be released to rest in peace leaves all concerned the unable to think clearly. There is a total dehydration of love; it leaves. But those suffering from heatstroke brought about by believing that love lasts forever find the thought of any other life unbearable. Feeling trapped and being constantly restless is a sign that a change is necessary.

There comes a point when you just have to let go. The disease of mediocrity sets in and if you stay beyond your comfort zone you start to be infected with it too; you become dis eased. There is a cost to action: whoever is the first to realize that it is time to gasp for air will be hated by the other person (if they too have not realized that they are suffocating their own spirit by still being in the relationship). One day they too will see that the vultures started picking over their lives together when the sun rose high in the sky of their joint valley. The other cost is the freedom to breathe again. A positive outcome it must be said.

There may well be tears. Tears at the parting of ways. One may cry with relief at having made the decision; or joy at the ability to think clearly again; or fear of being alone may drive the tears.

Fear can paralyze people. Especially fear of the future, of the unknown. What we need to do at times like this is to manage each moment separately and remember that in each of those moments we are absolutely safe. This way we can get through hours and days without the paralysis.

Existing in an environment that is negative is a form of self-abnegation - denial of self love; hatred of self.
It is essential to reverse the cycle and move from hate to love. Leave the negativity behind and fly into existence in this moment.

Hate … late … lave … love

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