These are my musings and observations on my daily life, loves and the laughter that are all a part of my experience of living now in the shires of England.

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Edited thoughts

I’ve had time to think – not sure it’s a good thing as logically my mind is telling me it’s best to leave you alone. But I know that logic never had anything to do with love. I think it’s love that I’m experiencing. It could be obsession because it definitely is not [just] lust. Anyway, logically I cannot see anything in the future for you and I. …
Being alone … has given me the chance to remember the first days of our passion – and the last days. I want them again. I want you. I want to want you. It feels so good to desire you. When I [hear] any form of affection from you to me – I instantly react. Physically I am betrayed – but I love the feeling you ignite in me.

I don’t want anyone else but you …

I need to keep on loving you to keep on being me. …

I want my next real touch to be from you. …

My heart travels south in my body at the thought of you and my strongest pulse weeps at the sense of your touch.

Monday, 7 July 2008

I know

I know ...

Desire enveloped me completely today. I could not breathe, think or move out of its control. I followed its call and flew to a height where I remembered being in you.
I lost myself for long deep moments and surfaced knowing only you. Bliss.
There is nothing quite like it – to go, disappear into you and lose all sense of being only to reappear from you, to you and know that I have touched perfection in those exquisite moments.
No wonder I always seek you out to repeat that sense of being totally lost and completely found in a captured second.
Time does not follow any linear path when desire is driving. Time loses shape, focus and order.
Right then, time belongs to never.
There is only you and me. Nothing else.
I can feel nothing apart from you and want nothing outside of you.
My complete existence is me in you in now.
My body turns inside out to be over you.
I know it is happening and yet still I marvel at the change in me. Each time I sense you wanting me, each time my desire overflows, I morph into pure emotion with no physical form to order me. Pulled, pushed and thrown by feelings that know no limit I flow upstream easily until I enter your source. Then, then – I am complete.

My desire kills me a little each time as I return exhausted but nothing prevents me from finding you immediately that my inside beat needs you. I will die over and over again just to live completely in that long perfect moment with you. In that moment my mind is suspended – all thought is banished and purple silence fills my being. I do not know what form my body takes, I have no idea where my limbs are, the only recognition I have is of a heat pulling me away from me into you, into the place beyond both of us where the nothingness that holds us is too beautiful to describe.
I know without knowing that outside of this moment we are separate entities. That knowledge passes quickly as the heat melds us fast together.
There is a noise - but the source cannot be identified – it is outside of now, outside of us or too deep inside to find. It is not important. Nothing matters beyond this. Desire has no competition but it still feels as if there has been some battle to reach this point.
Exhausted and happier than words – I slowly find my separate being entangled in yours. I regain my senses of touch and smell. Memory returns and time resumes its original shape.

Desire, however, had branded me from the inside. Right now, I am freely lost to you, for ever.

Copyright MHMorgan 2008

Tuesday, 24 June 2008


A couple of weeks ago it was Father’s Day. What did you do to celebrate the father in your life? If you have a living parent or if you are a parent what does this day mean to you each year?

This year, for me, it was a time to remember …

My father died 7 years ago, having lived a fairly long life (he was in his 90s), but what really brought the day home to me was that it fell on the same date that my mother died 33 years ago.

No mother, no father, but does that make me parent-less? I do miss them, but I’m used to being without them, especially my mother. I’m more used to not having a mother than having one! Odd, but true. My relationship to my father was not always easy. He was still there for me regardless of how I viewed him. He relied on me more as I grew older. I appreciate him the more I think about what he did for his whole family. Things do become clearer as you age. You see things that you didn’t see, or think about, before.

All that said …biology is not the only attribute to having or being a parent.

Now a parent myself, I feel the pain when my son is sad, be it the bullies at school, or the scratched knee falling from a bike, or the nightmares that just won’t go away – I’d willingly take them all. I know he needs his experiences but I want there to be more happy ones than sad ones for him.

Aunties, uncles, brothers, sisters and friends have all helped to parent me. My thanks go out to them all as I remember …

Monday, 16 June 2008

Invisible world

As the light fades westwards the streets of commerce everywhere fill up with a different group of people. The suits and stilettos of the bright daylight hours now beat their way into their own familiar spaces. The image of the population alters.

The people of the night streets find a place, sometimes in plain view, to be still. They are as still as their anguish will allow. All day they have been on the move, being shuffled from one position to another, being as invisible as their current status in society has dictated. The cloak of this alternate identity is heavy. It brings no warmth or comfort.

The promise of the daylight returning again is alive in some of the hearts inhabiting the impossible locations. Still others drift into unconsciousness pleading for the darkness to keep them forever. There are signs etched in each body: repeated rejection, disgrace, fear, foolishness, greed, and bitterness. Each person has an individual burden to carry.

However, they hold few things in common, and with what energy remains they all, separately, colonize a small foothold on the world as they start another unknown sojourn in their one-night homes.

Wednesday, 11 June 2008


Honesty is a rare attribute today. And in line with being honest what I have in mind today is doing a ‘friend audit’. Sounds drastic, unnecessary? Wait and see how you feel in a few moments, then ask the same question …

Do you recall a time when a favourite pair of shoes broke and you had to get a replacement pair quickly, you know, just to do the job for the time being until you got a new pair, a pair that were the same and as good as the old trusted pair?
The comfort of those shoes was beyond question, that’s why they lasted so long.
The new ones are just a substitute. You don’t like them and have no plans to keep wearing them, but they’ll do for now. They’ll do until you discard them for what you really want.

Back to the friends audit …
Are there substitute people in your life today? People you don’t plan to keep, people you are just putting up with until the real person you are looking for shows up (for the first time, or comes back).
Is that a fair way to treat people? Is that their real value in your eyes.

Like the search for chocolate, gold and diamonds, people really do not settle for second best. They keep going until the real deal is present in their lives. You know the taste, feel, touch of the real friend. Don’t settle for any imitations.

Also, don’t allow yourself to be a substitute person in anyone else’s life. However they value you, you know your true worth.

Everything about you is valuable, and should be treated accordingly.

Be real.

Friday, 6 June 2008

Why do you matter to me?

Heather left the luxurious surrounding of the seminar room in the exclusive sanctum of Oxford University. High on the company she had just met and the ideas that now floated around her mind she made her way back along the ever-busy streets towards her parked car.

A young girl, sat in a doorway as she fed a large bone, mostly meatless bone to a grateful dog, caught her attention. Slowing her steps Heather reached into her handbag and rooted around for her purse. Pushing aside her phone and keys she retrieved it.

Chloe looked up at the woman who now stood besides her.
A warm smile passed between them.
“Hello. Just give me a minute,” Heather moved her credit cards aside as she searched for some change.
“Hi. No worries, I’m not going anywhere for now,” came the answer. The dog continued to lick the huge bone and to search for small pieces of meal on it.
“So, what are you doing out here?” Asked Heather.
Chloe laughed.
“I’ve just got this bone from the butcher’s for Jake, so I’m making sure he gets something to eat.”
She held the bone with one hand and stroked the dog’s head with her other one.
“Are you sleeping on the streets tonight?”
“I hope not, but…” again Chloe laughed a ironic laugh, a deep meaningful laugh that was hard to hear from a girl not yet in her twenties, “I’ve got a problem, or so they say.”
Heather looked down on the girl’s hair and clothes. She had obviously not been on the streets for too long. What was she rebelling against? Where was her family?
“Oh yeah? What’s that then?”
With a smile that came from her eyes as well as her mouth she said, “I’m not pregnant, I’m not on drugs and I have a dog. So all the places in the shelters have to go to the others as a priority.”
“What about the one on St. Michael’s Street?…Won’t they take you in? The Gap, I think.” Heather moved her hand around in her purse and selected more coins. She had just purchased two expensive books at the seminar and was initially thinking of only a small amount to give to this girl, but the longer she stood there the more she wanted to give.
“I’ve already been to all of them, you have to get there early to get a chance. But the one down by the ice rink, St David’s, the man there, he said that if I come back later, he’ll try to keep a place for me and Jake, so at least I’ve got a chance for tonight. So I’m just waiting for now.”

Suddenly feeling as if whatever she did would not make a difference a shyness enveloped Heather. But she fought it and held out the coins in her hand.
“I hope you don’t mind if I give you this…”
Wiping her hands on her clothes to remove the smell and touch of the bone Chloe looked up again.
“Don’t worry to do that,” Heather said quickly, “I don’t mind touching you.”
The laugh came again, but with more warmth.
“You’d be surprised how many people don’t want to have any physical contact with me. It’s as though if they touch me they’ll become like me. They look at me, throw a few coins in my direction and run away down the road. So, thanks, thanks a lot.”

Humanitarianism. The very word conjures up ideas of big corporations and aid projects.
Daily we have evidence that the businesses supply help to alleviate suffering to many worthy causes, and it is therefore necessary for these organizations to be present in the world today.

But why? Why do they exist in the first place? When did human generosity become a business? The individual duty to promote the welfare of other individuals has seemingly been lost, or buried under the mountain of selfishness and individual greed. Community interests seem to have died.

Humanity- how do we treat each other? In a loving, thoughtful, helpful, concerned, charitable, compassionate, gentle way?

See a human being today. Help another person.

Who can I help? Any person.

Remember, everyone is someone.

I am who I am because of who we all are.

Humanitarianism is big business. I’m also making it my business. Ubuntu.

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

Living the difference …

Living the difference …
Between theory and practice.

How many times have you both said and heard the phrase ‘Don’t make promises you can’t keep’?

Wise advice I think.

But what happens when you break a promise? How do you deal with the fallout of emotions from that? The guilt… the disappointment … the broken dreams …

I broke a promise recently, I’m usually faultless at keeping promises, and this one hurt a lot.
I broke a promise I made to myself. And then, now, I am paying for it, well, dealing with the after effects of the breach.

I felt like I let myself down, my last trustworthy porthole. Now what? If I can’t trust myself, who can I trust?

Sometimes, I have now found out, that we are harder on ourselves that we are on others. But I’ve come to the conclusion that it ’s ok to make a mistake. And more that that, it’s ok, and fair, to forgive yourself for that mistake.

I had no intention of breaking the promise to myself when I made it. That is the most important fact that I have to remember. The situation in which I had made the promise had changed and I made the best decision possible in the circumstances, and that meant a broken promise. So although I at first thought I had done a wrong thing I had in fact done the best thing for myself. So the guilt, the anger, the disappointment could all go without worry. Then I moved on to the next step.

I have forgiven myself because forgiveness means freedom.
Freedom from the guilt, from the disappointment, from the fear.

For years I have said the same to other people, that they need to give themselves a chance and not be so hard on themselves, but I am now starting to live the difference between theory and practice. I have applied the healing salve of forgiveness to myself and I feel better already.

I have the power to forgive myself, and I have freely done so.

Friday, 30 May 2008

Expressing gratitude

When was the last time you spontaneously expressed gratitude? You know, a time when you just said a heartfelt ‘thank you’ to someone for a word, deed, a listening ear, a look or a touch that made a difference in your life?

I’m not talking about the prescribed days of celebration like ‘Mother’s Day or ‘ Father’s Day’ or the anniversaries of marriage or birth, I’m talking about a moment when you know all you want to do, need to do, is to express the gratitude that bursts from within, to express that to someone, who is the only special one at that moment, for an act of kindness.

I’ve tried it, and it feels great.

Now I’d like to suggest that you try it, I mean really try it, start the next time you remember something or experience an event that just cannot go without acknowledgement. Let the thanks run free from you to whoever deserves it, and enjoy giving a portion of the happiness you’ve experienced to another being.

What does it feel like? Your gratitude, what does it feel like to share it?

What have you given thanks for today? Feel free to share your experiences …

I’d like to thank you for being part of my experience of living now.

… and don’t forget to thank yourself – you know you deserve it!

Wednesday, 28 May 2008

Follow the spider

The sudden jerky movement caught my eye and I turned around. There was a spider. Somehow it had reached the middle of the second tile in a group on five and I’d not noticed it already. But it was slipping. It moved upwards then slipped back to where it came from.

I decided to observe it.

For long minutes it did the same thing over and over. Climbing up, slipping back, climbing up and so on.

Then nothing. It is still. I am still. What now?

The spider suddenly changes direction. It starts to move horizontally to the right. It is making great progress. I sit there and think that it has made an error with all the climbing and slipping. I think it has lost its direction. I decided to watch for a while longer.

‘Wait,’ I think to myself, ‘that’s clever!’

The spider is going upwards again. It has found a better foothold on the grouting between the tiles and is again going in the direction it started on. Now it is going at a greater speed than before. It is back on track and going to the correct destination.

A smile crosses my lips. I’m impressed.

I sit and watch it some more.

It continues up but then, just between the third and fourth tile, it stops in its tracks. Has it given up I wonder? But no, it appears it is regaining its breath and strength. Then fully renewed it continues on its journey. Occasionally it stops again, but soon it’s on its way back up the tiles. At the top of the tiles, it appears to get a new burst of life and practically sprints along the edging in a dash of triumph. Success is achieved.

Friday, 23 May 2008

Wake-up call

What is a wake-up call? Is it always the same thing? I’m not thinking about an alarm on your phone, clock, or radio. I’m talking about a life event that wakes you up from the slumber that you’ve existed in up to this point.

Why wait for the wake-up call to jolt you into reality?

It is an event, usually a major event like a secret habit being discovered by another person, or the arrival of a visitor, or meeting someone unexpectedly and having your warmth rebuffed for no known reason. Events such as these can, and often do, change your life forever. What event do you need to bring you to the sudden realization that you are not living the best life you can right now? A heart attack, bankruptcy or house repossession, arrest, an accident or maybe the unexpected illness or death of a loved one?

Carpe Diem! Make your own ‘wake-up call’ action plan, and omit the negative drama of the event. Move on, move forward, rise.

You have to care enough about yourself, your future, in fact you have to care enough about living now, to want to make that difference in your life today. Wake up!

Deciding to live consciously is a life-changing choice. It is a simple way of life; all you have to do is to really think about everything you do, to do things consciously. Be always aware of what choices you are making. This will, however, take effort, energy and attention to life, your life. Do not accept living life on autopilot and letting your life pass by doing things you’ve always done but never really known why you do them, the things that you’ve ‘fallen into’.

Try doing a time audit … sounds strange? The results could be stranger … try it for a couple of days. Work out just how much time you spend doing different things each day, log the events and when you’ve reviewed your time appraisal then you can make a decision whether to continue in the same habits and pattern of existence or whether you will make a change in the way you use your time. You’ll then be in a better position to decide whether to live automatically or consciously.

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

To be known …

Taken from a secret source …

‘My biggest fear and my biggest desire are the two sides of a single coin: to be known. I know it is life changing to want these things. I need my life to change. I guess that’s what frightens me so much. That’s what makes me sit and do nothing or do so much that I have no time to think about what I really want.

I met someone recently, well I knew them a long time ago, but I started to get to know them only recently. With them I have the sense of freedom that I usually get only when I’m alone. You know, those quiet moments when your mind is completely open and honesty is the only emotion that holds reign. Anyway, I felt afraid when I first opened up to them, but also a sense of unbound joy! I felt like I was flying without a parachute because I didn’t need one – a safe landing was guaranteed.

There was this intense feeling of happiness at releasing my thoughts without censoring them. Especially the thoughts that I had held in my heart for years, the ones that had kept me alive and the ones that put vital distance between me and death. Those thoughts. My dark thoughts. The ones where I think the worst things about, seemingly, the best people.

Then one day I dared to speak some of this hidden part of myself to you. You know who you are, I don’t need to name you here and now. I started speaking and carried on at breakneck speed because I was afraid that if I stopped I’d never start again. I didn’t dare to look at you for the first plunge into the truth pool, but when I paused to take that vital breath essential for continuation, I noticed that you were actually listening to me. Really paying attention, not just to my words but also to all of me. I felt it. I sensed the genuine interest. It unbalanced me although it was exactly what I’d been hoping for.
(I’d been searching and finding imitations for a long while, so when I happened upon the real article, I was suspended into a state of shock. For ages I could not understand if it was a game to you, or if you really liked me and wanted to be my friend. I often felt I was in a dream, but I was awake and you were there – because you chose to be, again and again. I’d ask myself what were you getting from this contact that made it worthwhile for you. My life and actions were set out like an accountant’s profit and loss book. Sterile and precise. You still came back to me and looked right into me. Your eyes never lied.)

It had come to a point where I just needed to be with you. To know you in my life and most of all, for my sanity, to have you know me. I decided that day that I wanted to be known by you. So I decided to spill some of my heart.

I guess it was a kind of test. To see if you would balk at my revelations. Show disgust and remove yourself from the circle of my life. I wanted to tell you the hidden parts of me. The secrets I’ve been to scared to voice.

I’ve already told you some things, some little pebbles of information compared to the mountainous load I want to spill now. I told you things I was ashamed of and things that I was scared to own but were all mine. You heard me, you breathed normally and carried on with the conversation.

You did not dismiss me and my heavy heart as totally naïve, too sheltered, neither did you label me as an inexperienced fool. My life experience was valued by your true attention.

My response to your reaction to me is laughter, peace, relaxation of my whole self, increased confidence in my voice to speak.’

Monday, 12 May 2008


It was another sunny day …

My son was in the back of the car as we came back from the shopping centre. He was singing and smiling when he suddenly said “I feel like I’ve just come into the world when it’s summer, it’s like its new and fresh kind of thing, and that God’s always with me and I know everything.”

Beautiful words at the joy of being alive.

Time to be child-like

I was feeling uncomfortable with how I had positioned myself on the floor. But I did not move.

‘Mummy?’ came the query, ‘Mummy, are you alright?’

“Um,” I hesitated in my response as I shifted and moved my aching neck slightly to the right to see the worried look on my son’s face. The look matched the concern in his voice. I have consistently told him to be honest with his feelings and to say how he feels and why. Now, this honesty question was directly glaring at me.

“Well,” I struggled for the right thing to say while trying to get my body into a more comfortable position, “actually darling, I’m not ok. It hurts being here like this.”

“Why don’t you move then?”

“Well,” again I delayed answering as I tried to think of a good answer. None came.
“Well, it’s just that if I move now it will only be for a few minutes before I have to come right back into the same position, so …” as I started to say my thoughts out aloud they seemed like a weak argument even to my ears.
“So, “ I continued, “it makes sense just to stay here.”

“Why?” came the immediate reaction.

“Um, well, ‘cause it will take too long to move and get comfortable in another position and then it’ll be time for me to come right back here to finish doing this – I only have a few more minutes to wait …”

“But, Mummy, why don’t you do little nice things to make the big things better?”

Why not indeed?!

I think that it is time to take the wisdom and outlook of a child and apply it to my life. It makes so much sense.

Can you find a recent situation when the above advice would have been a more sensible solution that the uncomfortable one that you chose?

Friday, 9 May 2008

Emotional scaffolding

‘When I spend time de-cluttering my house it feels good,’ Suzy said in a thoughtful tone.
‘I know what you mean,’ replied Trudie, ‘it’s just refreshing to get rid of some of that stuff that’s in the way, you know, the stuff we don’t use or really need.’
Suzy nodded as she leant back in the sofa.
There was a comfortable silence between them as they both went away in their own thoughts.

‘Why is it,’ Trudie asked abruptly, jarring the silence in an awkward way, she sat forward and moved to the edge of the seat, ‘why is it that we are so good at clearing out the material stuff, you know, the physical things in our lives but not so good at the emotional stuff? What’s with that?’
‘I’ve no idea…’ the response trailed off.

A few seconds passed and Trudie turned to look at her friend.
‘Maybe we’re afraid that …’
‘Maybe, and this is just a thought of the top of my head, you know, maybe we’re afraid that if we do emotional de-cluttering then we’ll see what’s really bothering us in our lives and then we’ll have to do something about it ‘cause all the stuff that was hiding it is gone. I don’t know, just thinking out loud.’
‘I think you’re right, Suze,’
‘You know what?’
‘Well, I’ve just realised that I have been doing some emotional spring cleaning, and when I’ve let go of some of the harmful people in my life, like that woman I told you about, the one I used to work with…’
‘You mean the one who kept talking over you and belittling everything you did?’
‘Yeah,’ Suzy laughed a tight laugh, ‘that one! Well, I had the courage to talk to her a while ago and I told her that I was not happy with how she was treating me. I told her it had to change to something I was more comfortable with. It has and I’m glad I did it. It was so right. Long overdue mind you, but so right for me. I’m not sure where I got the strength from but I did it.’
‘Good for you. Well done.’
‘Anyway,’ Suzy exhaled deeply.
‘That sounds like relief to me…’ Trudie looked directly at her friend whose eyes had started to gather pools of water.
‘Anyway,’ she continued, ‘I felt lighter and clearer than I had in ages once I’d done that. It just felt so good.’
‘I’m pleased for you, hun.’

Trudie leaned over and held Suzy’s hand.
‘Are you ok?’
A small shake of the head told her that the answer was both yes and no.

‘But what I was trying to get to,’ Suzy continued, ‘was that I feel so much better now that’s out of the way. It’s not taking up space in my head. I’m not worrying about it, you know, how I’m going to feel the next time I see her and she says something like she always did.’
‘I’m pleased for you. Really pleased. So… That means that you have been doing emotional spring-cleaning as well?’
A bright laugh sprang from Suzy’s throat ‘Yeah, I guess so. And to feels really good to let her go and to make room in my life for people like you… No, I mean it.’
The feeble protest failed and it was Trudies’s turn to get emotional.
‘Trudie, I’ve only known you a few years but it’s been such a positive experience. I know I’m going through a lot of personal growth at the moment, and I feel you have supported me through it. That’s made it easier for me.’
‘Thank you. It’s been my pleasure to know you as well, you know.’
‘Yeah, I do know, you do tell me, and, believe it or not, I am starting to believe you. I’m so glad that I’m letting go of the negative people and that leaves more clear space for people like you to come into my life. I’m glad you are in my life.’
‘Suze, that is so sweet,’ the tears are flowing now from Trudie’s face. ‘You know I’ve been on my own journey too, and it’s just amazing to know that you want me in your life and see me as a positive influence. So many people see me as negative right now,’ Trudie managed a wry laugh, ‘ with all the mess in my life at the moment, that just fills me with joy to know I am positive in someone’s life. Thank you.’ Reaching for a tissue she buries her face for a few moments to compose herself again.
‘Hey, you’re welcomed.’ Suzy rubbed her hand gently across her friend's shoulders.
‘you’re so welcomed. You know, I think we are starting to believe each other, and accept that each of us really does mean it when we say these things.’

A smile of recognition smile grows between them, they have both dared to open up and share that deeper truth that is usually laden with the fear of exposure. And, both are surprised at how safe they feel, in their own ways. And so their journeys continue …

The emotional scaffolding is in place.

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

The art of fishing ...

Can be applied to achieving the dream of your life.

Focus precisely on what you want
– It will be your passion and obsession: a gift. It is the reason you are here. You don’t have to fight for your gift, it is yours already. Maybe you still need to identify it …
Prepare the right equipment for success in your venture
- Use the most appropriate tools.
Find the right location
- Identify the best place to make your dream a reality. Maximise your chances of success.
Learn to have patience in the midst of the process- You have to be able to endure the bad times to appreciate the good times.
Practice relaxation
- You will experience times of alternating pure joy and the next, pure frustration.
Discover keen observational skills
- Remember that you never stop learning, whatever the situation. Watch as things alter and incorporate the changes into your plan.
- Believe and expect the results that you are working towards.

Fulfilment of your dream will follow.

Time will pass, you will work hard towards your dream and you will succeed.

In the words of anglers everywhere: I wish you ‘tight lines’.

Copyright MHMorgan

Monday, 5 May 2008

More on bridges and mirrors …

A wise young man recently said to me that bridges are not just to connect one area to another: they are also used as a short cut to a destination. There are good reasons why some journeys need to be shortened. Situations when time is the most important factor.

As a full-time bridge builder, this next statement may seem out of sync with my declared business: occasionally some of our bridges need to be destroyed.

The bridge may provide a link to a time and a place that we must leave behind in order to survive now. So, whether we put up a sign and barriers to the mouth of the bridge saying ‘NO ACCESS’, or we choose to completely demolish the structure, we must sometimes take all adequate steps to terminate the connection with that past area.
Then, your energies can be focused on your new direction and constructions, instead of constantly looking over your shoulder worried about the bridge to a detrimental time in your history.

Practical use of mirrors

The most common type of mirror is usually made from glass with a reflective coating applied to it. We use them to study ourselves, usually a quick glance just before going out somewhere, or upon waking in the morning. Other times we use mirrors to recognise objects behind us.
Domestic mirrors are imperfect because they absorb some of the light that strikes their surface. Self-observation in a mirror can be an uncomfortable occupation. Not many people spend a vast amount of time just looking at their self in the mirror – just to know their self. The best way to get to know ourselves is to spend time alone; to remove all distractions and listen to what our hearts are saying. We can then start to experience a near perfect reflection of our internal lives. In these quiet times we start to see and hear the murmurs of our hearts. Internal observation means no light is lost.

There is a ‘hearing’ mirror - more unusual than the regular glass based model, it is called the acoustic mirror; this device, once used to detect sound waves, and thus judge the distance of things approaching a particular location, has now been replaced by the modern radar. We each have an internal radar that warns us of potential dangers that we cannot yet see, but we often ignore it or turn it off. For the maximum benefit of realisation it is advisable to retune our radars to the setting for ultimate dream fulfilment, because too often we have allowed the true signal of our destiny to be cluttered and jammed by the minutiae of existence. When we have a clear signal we can focus on a simpler life and a more fulfilling existence.

I have been using my mirrors and bridges to enhance my experience of living now.

Saturday, 3 May 2008

Bridges and mirrors

I’ve moved into the construction business.
I am a full-time bridge builder.

Bridges are built with one purpose: to connect one area to another; areas that may otherwise be lost to each other. People can build bridges to reconnect with their lost friends and family. Many people do this every day with great success. We can all join in to become a world community of bridge-builders. Building bridges is beneficial and can help people to heal and remember their similarities rather than their differences.

Words can build bridges between people. The words can make future communication easier in the life journey.
We are all travelling on the road of life and sometimes we let past hurts fester in our hearts instead of reaching out and making the first move to repair the breach in a relationship.
Why do we think that it is better if the other person makes the initial move? Is it because they did us a greater wrong than we did to them? Who can judge the extremity of the wrong in the life of the person feeling it? Wrong is wrong.

Although it is a great idea to repair the disconnection between people it must be remembered that the construction effort maybe sabotaged by others who, for their own reasons, do not want the rift to be healed. In order to protect the effort of reconciliation the bridge must be built to withstand all natural occurrences including all forms of un-welcomed sarcasm, well-timed reminders of the past pain and other destructive actions.

The construction of the bridge is important, from the foundations to the highest point. It has to support its own weight as well as the weight of everything that will pass over it or blow against it. A bridge provides a link over an obstacle or depression. You have to identify what that is in your own life. Take a look at what is missing and think of the good times when the connection was intact. This is not a time for attributing blame; it is a time to reconnect.

The completed bridge provides a reunion opportunity, a chance for the safe crossing from one side to the other, or the option to meet in the middle.
I’ve been thinking about those I want to meet again and I started out hopefully. I was not disappointed because there was another bridge builder making their way towards me.
We have built a bridge together.
It is a strong structure and I plan to do my part in the maintenance of it. It is important that with the connection we have resumed we put in new, strong foundations of mutual trust coated on opposing sides with peace and love. I have since had a few more great successes!

There are lots of vacancies in this business. The benefits are out of this world. There are no long panel interviews to attend either. You just decide you want to do it and start. It’s as simple as that.

The brilliance of this position is that you can do it right where you are! You don’t have to relocate or travel great distances – that is optional, depending on the bridge you choose to build.

The mirrors?
Well, the mirrors are there to reveal the beauty in our own eyes.

Friday, 2 May 2008

Take responsibility for your life

I’ve been on several journeys in the past nine months; this has been my period of gestation. I’ve now given birth to my dream, again. I am living my dream.

Some of these journeys that I’ve been on have been emotional and mental, and others have been physical. Let me share with you some of the things I’ve learnt on my travels.

The first thing I acknowledge is that change is good. Change always happens.
All my recent journeys have included change in my life. The fear of the change has been worse than the actual reality of the change. So, I’m glad that I passed the fear stage and started on the action phase.

It’s been a marvellous time.
A time of growth. A time I’d never have missed for anything.

One event can re-route you from your journey. It can be an unexpected pleasure like a touch of love; a hint of care, a moment of attention from a stranger, and, if you are fully alert in that moment, your whole life is changed. Immediately you want more, different outcomes from life.
It could be an unexpected meeting that fills the gap, chases the shadows away and releases the vacuum: so that you are free at last. Free to follow your dream.
What happens in those special moments is that you realize that up until that point you are not living fully. You realize that the existence you are in is shallow.

For me there were a series of small incidents in my long journey. These built up and turned into the catalyst that made me see that where I was going at that time was not where I really wanted to be going. But one event stands out amongst them all. It was like the final ignition of the flame.

The occasion was a group holiday. Following an unexplained strained day I was suddenly, after the evening meal, verbally attacked by a member of the group. Being sensitive to mood changes I had, earlier in the day, guessed something was amiss, but the venom of the attack caught me off guard and I reeled emotionally. I had not expected any attack much less a full frontal attack. The damage to my emotions left me open and wounded.
I reacted in the way I used to do when confronted with conflict. I tried to laugh it off, then, registering the seriousness of the assailant, I retreated into a state of shock that was accompanied by copious tears. Anger followed swiftly. Anger at the person whose actions had elicited my response. Most of all I was angry at myself for not being prepared and exposing my emotional self so blatantly for all to see. I was used to keeping all emotions in severe check.

Now I see that this event was a good thing as unexpected people supported me through that time in unexpected ways and I have learnt about a strength and resolve that I had forgotten existed within me
But back then I didn’t know what to do.
I tried reasoning with the person, but they wouldn’t listen to me. Others also tried but the person was fixed in their views of righteous indignation at the perceived wrong that I had inflicted on them and could not be moved. This was a time when there would be no resolution. It hurt me. My role as peacemaker and pacifier was rejected: I was the accused and the mantle did not sit well with me.

Despite my best efforts I knew after a while that nothing was going to alter. My anger grew. I felt impotent. I wanted to be away from there. From all of those people. But my sense of responsibility to others held me there. When I was placated slightly by a kind relative, things started to calm down as I accepted the impossible situation.
Although I was still wired with expectations, they were never met. Then, in the midst of all my high tension and frustrations, I was literally touched; it was like electricity – right through my body. I jumped initially when I felt fingers on my shoulder because I became completely undone. The touch extended to somewhere that had been dormant for too long. I felt awakened in that moment, then I had another struggle on my hands: I wanted to get to the source of that feeling. Instantly I knew what I wanted.
I was, however, scared, because it felt so, so good. I asked the person to stop touching me. I wanted them to continue, but I needed to ask them to stop or I would lose my control right there and then. I could easily have just packed up and driven away right then because that was what I felt was the right thing for me. And I knew I was free to do what was right for me. Right there.
The almost empty restaurant now seems the strangest of locations to release my inner desire, but it was the right place.

I knew what I needed to feel free. It was almost as if I was being told that ‘it’s alright that they don’t like you, they are wrong about you, and that’s alright. You don’t need to change their minds, you just need to change your attitude’.
Then, strangely, I also remembered that other important dream that had been locked away. I recalled in extreme clarity the purpose of my existence here.
Right then I did not have a long term worked out plan. I just had the desire to do what my whole being ached for.
I decided to take responsibility for my life. I took back the control that I had let slip away from me.

You may already be in full control of your destiny, and I applaud you. Let others learn from you. If, however, you are starting your journey, take this fact with you: it is possible to get control of your life and it will be an amazing trip. Take the first step. It’s a bit like looking at an elephant and thinking how on earth are you going to eat a whole elephant. The answer is: one bit at a time. No matter how big the obstacle is you can manage it just one bit at a time.

Take responsibility for your life, it’s up to you, no one else. It’s your life. Why leave it to chance or to the input of somebody else to have the power or the responsibility to decide what you do? Being free to choose is part of being human. It’s a gift; it’s a real gift. Don’t waste it; use this time. Now. Take responsibility. You have no right to complain if you don’t. It’s your choice not to take responsibility, too. Do it or don’t.
It’s your life.

Just remember this, whatever you choose to do: making other people happy when you lack happiness can become a habit and is cowardly behaviour, and a poor excuse to stop you finding out your own dream of what makes you happy.

Start the next moment that is given to you with a renewed plan to teach your heart to smile as you live your dream.

Thursday, 1 May 2008

All the great events in life are a search for happiness.

It takes courage to go after happiness.
Be courageous today.
Get going …

Identify what makes you happy. This should not be too hard. If it is hard then that means that you have been living without happiness for far to long. Take time to find out what makes you happy. You deserve to know happiness. This is not questionable.

We are often so busy making sure others are ok that we neglect our own happiness. This martyrdom is not appreciated by anyone, and we ourselves, eventually start to feel resentful of others. We become unable to fully share in other peoples’ joy of life; the elation they express is alien to us. In fact, when we avoid the things that delight us individually, we waste our time, our lives and exist in the shadows of life. Time cannot be recaptured.

Once you know, really know, what makes you happy then it is your duty to yourself to ensure you include whatever it is in your life on a regular basis. The torment of being void of happiness will pass and the happiness will stay. The journey of discovery will not be pain free, but it will be worth it. You will expose your desires and when you are open and defenceless you may well crave the safety of the past quiet existence. Don’t give in to this temporary fear. It will soon pass.

Remember, there is not just one form of happiness for each person. We are many faceted and so is our potential for pleasure. From the simplest things like seeing a small child knee high in grass reaching for a daisy, and then you catch yourself instinctively smiling at a stranger who has also experienced the simple moment of utter joy and innocence. Delight is all around us. Every day. Having happiness as part of daily life will make you smile from the core of your being. It cannot be compared to any other feeling.
Find it! It’s important.

Do not be bound by any one mind-set of how to proceed on this journey. You are an original. Your pleasure and how you experience it is unique to you.
The risk of doing nothing considerably outweighs the risk of action towards personal bliss.

How can you know that it’s worth the risk? Stagnation may seem comfortable but to exist in a changeless situation is dangerous; it leads to inevitable deterioration of your spirit and a living death.

So, the answer is simple. Doing nothing towards being happy is wasting your time as a human being. We are designed to experience joy, yet we have become so adept at avoiding happiness through culturalisation. We become so busy being busy that we have become proficient at neglecting that essential part of ourselves. The passion that is yours is individually you and will be found in the place that is right for you. Only you will know that it is absolutely right. You will feel it, you will know instinctively.

In the words of Nina Simone you can get to a place when you are ‘feeling good’.

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel

Once you find that you have a passion for something, you’ll be amazed at the pleasure it continually brings you. The simplest things can give you a whole new dimension to living. Life is meant for living. This is an experience we are supposed to be active in. Life is for the living.

Love is at the core of a passionate life. However, loving another person is not the only way to happiness.

However, you need to love yourself enough to want to be happy. There is no big enough reason not to want to be happy. Loving yourself should be natural. If it is no longer natural, for whatever reason that has affected your life, then take the time to relearn what was originally part of your make-up when you were born. Any intervening trauma or pain must be relegated to your past. This moment is your present. This is when you must find the happiness, now. Plan for it in your future as well.

Starting today … make good memories.

Make time to have the freedom to find happiness in your life. Make today that ‘new dawn, new day, new life …’ because you deserve it.

I dare you to be happy.

Wednesday, 30 April 2008

From love to hate in easy steps

Love … lave … have … hate

How can love turn so quickly to hate?

Is it really a quick process? Maybe love dies slowly over time and it’s not noticed or rather it becomes referred to as ‘that comfortable familiarity’. The truth is that the obvious decay is ignored like tooth rot until the pain becomes unbearable. Without care and attention the hot flush of love is washed in the daily grind of life without the spark that first drew the interest of two people together.
Then all that the couple have left together is a bland and boring existence. They keep at the repetition of their joint ‘being’ because somewhere they remember how it used to be, and deep down at least one of them hopes that it will return to the glory days of ecstasy; the times when they desired to be with each other above all else.

This is the time when the Death Valley experience can commence; many who enter there rarely come back alive. This is the mad cycle; the continuous moment when you keep doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. This is a case for euthanasia of the relationship. The exhausting efforts of trying to keep something alive which should be released to rest in peace leaves all concerned the unable to think clearly. There is a total dehydration of love; it leaves. But those suffering from heatstroke brought about by believing that love lasts forever find the thought of any other life unbearable. Feeling trapped and being constantly restless is a sign that a change is necessary.

There comes a point when you just have to let go. The disease of mediocrity sets in and if you stay beyond your comfort zone you start to be infected with it too; you become dis eased. There is a cost to action: whoever is the first to realize that it is time to gasp for air will be hated by the other person (if they too have not realized that they are suffocating their own spirit by still being in the relationship). One day they too will see that the vultures started picking over their lives together when the sun rose high in the sky of their joint valley. The other cost is the freedom to breathe again. A positive outcome it must be said.

There may well be tears. Tears at the parting of ways. One may cry with relief at having made the decision; or joy at the ability to think clearly again; or fear of being alone may drive the tears.

Fear can paralyze people. Especially fear of the future, of the unknown. What we need to do at times like this is to manage each moment separately and remember that in each of those moments we are absolutely safe. This way we can get through hours and days without the paralysis.

Existing in an environment that is negative is a form of self-abnegation - denial of self love; hatred of self.
It is essential to reverse the cycle and move from hate to love. Leave the negativity behind and fly into existence in this moment.

Hate … late … lave … love
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