Mind over matter

I’ve been thinking about people and places recently. I like people and I like going to different places. The thought that came to me the other day was that if your mind is in the right place and you are fortunate enough to be with the right people then your battle for peace and happiness is almost won.

The emotionally peaceful place that I have sometimes struggled to find is like floating on air when you are blessed with good friends, no matter where you happen to be physically.

I am blessed by good friendships and growing friendships.

And that’s all good for me.

Conversations with myself

I don’t want to go.

Why?

I can’t be bothered.

Why? That’s not a good enough reason.

I feel sick.

How sick.

Too sick to go out.

Are you sure you can’t do it? Won’t going out make you feel better?

There’s no point in going anyway.

Why?

Because it doesn’t matter; me being there doesn’t make a difference.

I think it does.

I don’t think it does, and anyway I’m too late now.

It’s probably OK to be late rather than not go at all.

I don’t want to go.

Better ring them then.

I don’t want to ring them. I don’t know what to say.

Better go then.

OK.

Later ...

Conversation with a teacher

Jordan wanted to show you his work.

Oh. OK. That’ll be nice.

(The beaming boy proudly shows me his Literacy work and I go through it with him. I thank him and tell him that I am proud of what he has accomplished, neither of us stop smiling.)

Thank you for sharing that with me.

I just wanted you to see the excellent work he has produced. All the pupils you work with are producing excellent work lately; it must be the extra time that they each spend with you. They have really improved and are progressing so well. Thank you.

I’m pleased that I can help.

Later ...

Conversation with myself

I’m glad I went. It seems to matter.

I said that.

Peaceful face

I have discerned that when you have peaceful thoughts they show on your face. People have said to me how calm I look at times. Other people have said that I should smile more. Obviously at these different times my thoughts are at opposite ends of the relaxation spectrum.

This evening, when I passed a mirror I glanced at myself and I saw that peaceful face. I was thinking about something wonderful and it appeared on my face.

I know I am one of those strange people who have faith in what others deem impossible. When I think on these things that gives me a peaceful face.

Virgin thoughts and throwing the rattle

Sometimes the best thing to do is not to think.

What I really mean, is not to think too much. I occasionally have a thought and instead of just acting on it I will dissect it, turn it over, manipulate it and eventually destroy it.

Why do I do this? After all, the initial thought was a gut reaction, so there must be some truth or mileage in it – surely?

Anyway, I had a thought yesterday. I acted on that thought yesterday. I acted on the first thought before I had time for any more thoughts that would bury it.

When I went to sleep I had a small niggling doubt that I had done the wrong thing but, just before I eventually slid into my slumber, another brighter thought appeared in my mind. I went to sleep knowing that I had done the right thing.

The reason for this sudden certainty at such a late hour? It’s simple really, I realised that I trusted myself that no matter what the outcome was I would be OK with it.

I have begun to realise that far too often we (well, I say we, but I mean ‘I’) act as if the only outcome is the one we have a preference for. We behave like spoilt children who will have a tantrum and throw the rattle out of the pram if we do not get what we want.

I guess in some ways I’m still growing up.

The ability to accept whatever outcome occurs seems to me a sign of some maturity of outlook. And that sounds good to me.

The other bonus to this not-thinking-too-much mode is that I open myself up to different possibilities when I act on my virgin thoughts. Most of them I could never even begin to imagine but they become real once I have released my thought without damaging it.

That leads to contentment all around after that – no muddied thinking or screaming to deal with at all!

Time Gentlemen, please!

There is a time ... when you really have to let go.

For good.

There is a (-nother) time

There is a time when the lines on your face, say only one name: the name of the person you miss, the name of the person you love, the name of the person you want to spend this time with - but that person is no longer here.

So your face forms their name in sadness, in loss, and with the intensity of missing them right now.

There is a time

There is a time when everything is shaped for you. My face is shaped to smile at you. My lips are shaped to kiss you and to say your name. My body is shaped to receive you and to share our love.

I miss you.

I really, really miss you.

Like half a circle – incomplete, I am sad without you.

"Speaking as a mother ..."

Does that phrase qualify any woman with any special abilities of perception or understanding of ... anything? Why do people believe that by giving birth, having children, nurturing small humans that they are any more qualified than any other person to spout forth on any topic?

Many women have used this phrase to dismiss the opinions of other people – especially childless women. All the hearer gets is an opinion that the speaker is being reactionary and possibly unethical. Using one’s status as a mother cannot usually justify any personal claims to knowledge on any subject: for example, the distribution of AIDS medication in sub-Saharan Africa, or the deployment of troops into Afghanistan, or the veracity of presidential comments regarding the deforestation of the Amazon.

It is true that motherhood does open you up to a whole range of particular experiences, fears, hopes and expectations from yourself and those immediately around you and your brood, however, being an adult carer for the younger generation is not a magical key to worldwide knowledge.

Speaking as a mother is generally regarded as a euphemism for someone who has abandoned all vestiges of rational thought and regards everything outside of their immediate control as the evil “other” that needs to be eliminated without further ado. I wonder what would happen to people’s credibility if they all started sentences with “Speaking as a ...”? Would the bedrock of society crumble and people start wailing in the streets?

“Speaking as a ...cyclist I believe that motivating and encouraging people allows them to develop and grow.”

“Speaking as a ...stonemason I know that it is essential to situate the bath and the shower in close proximity to each other.”

“Speaking as a ...teacher I promise to build bridges even where no rivers exist.”

“Speaking as a ...plumber I believe that with the right bike, training and confidence you can ride on any terrain.”

“Speaking as a ...fisherman I know that learning the formulae for the equations will help you in the examinations.”

“Speaking as a ...politician I am sure that if you strike a stone often it is better than if you strike it once very hard.”

“Speaking as a ...writer I believe that with the right bait you can catch a fish, land it, clean it and eat it in a short period of time.”

You get my drift I’m sure... speaking as a mother, I mean.

Mind power: I think; therefore I am

Things happen. They happen all the time. Sometimes we don’t know they are happening so they don’t occupy our thoughts. They just happen. Independently of us.

Then … we hear about an event and we have a personal connection to it; it could be that someone we know is in a certain place, or that a person of our acquaintance has been reported to have said a particular thing.

Then our dormant minds rev up and this event – that we have neither witness or sometimes had confirmed – takes poll position in our minds in the race for air time. All our thoughts keep returning to this event. It becomes our main focus.

We worry and stress about something that has already happened. Independently of us. We worry and stress about something that we cannot change, influence, or alter in any way.

Why?

How does this affect us?

I heard that my nephew was on a long road journey late one night and my sister was concerned as he had not yet arrived home. He had been travelling all day, as he often does, but once I heard that it had been a while since he had been in contact I started to worry.

I asked myself if the worry made him arrive at his destination any more quickly. I asked myself what effect the worry was having on both my sister and I.

Later that evening I was pleased to hear that he had arrived safely but the fact is my worrying did not alter his travels in any way: it only altered me.

My mind was occupied with feelings of dread and concern – for no good reason. There were no negative weather conditions or traffic reports. My fears were groundless. It made me think that it is so easy to slip into a state of negativity as a normal situation.

It occurred to me that I need to train my mind’s power to be more positive.

I had the chance again this week to exercise my will when I heard some news that took me back to a time and situation in my recent past. Someone I used to be very close to told me about a change in their life. I was happy for them, and at the same time I was sad that I didn’t know about it earlier and also that our relationship was no longer the same. After a very short while (only a few hours - which I was pleased with) I had counselled myself back into a positive state and I reminded myself that when I didn’t know this occurrence I was progressing with life in a sensible and active manner.

The change in this person’s life had happened a long time before I knew about it and so it didn’t make any sense to start worrying about it just because it was ‘news’ to me. It had already happened. Independently of me.

If we are not careful we can spend too much time focussing on things we cannot change, and things that do not need to change. They have happened.

Our job, if you can call it that, is to learn to accept things, gracefully and quickly. We can make changes in our current life. We can plan for the future. Our futures.

We cannot change what has already happened. We cannot change how other people think and feel. They are independent of us.

Accept the now. Plan for the future.

Allow your mind to focus on the dawn of the new day and not to wallow in the dusk of what has already past.

Mind power is life power.

In my life it needs to remain positive.

Edited thoughts

I’ve had time to think – not sure it’s a good thing as logically my mind is telling me it’s best to leave you alone. But I know that logic never had anything to do with love. I think it’s love that I’m experiencing. It could be obsession because it definitely is not [just] lust. Anyway, logically I cannot see anything in the future for you and I. …
Being alone … has given me the chance to remember the first days of our passion – and the last days. I want them again. I want you. I want to want you. It feels so good to desire you. When I [hear] any form of affection from you to me – I instantly react. Physically I am betrayed – but I love the feeling you ignite in me.

I don’t want anyone else but you …

I need to keep on loving you to keep on being me. …

I want my next real touch to be from you. …

My heart travels south in my body at the thought of you and my strongest pulse weeps at the sense of your touch.