There’s something wrong ...

Have you ever noticed that sometimes things look or feel great when you’ve just done them but after a while some uncertainty begins to surface?

Well, I have been painting the house for a while and as time has passed I have found out that I’ve missed bits. Now something else has come to light. Literally.

This concerns a door. The inside of this particular door is not frequently seen as it is not often closed but when my eyes lit upon it on one of the rare bright afternoons I instantly developed a hint of a frown.

I decided to ignore what I had seen but as I am not the only one in the house it was soon brought to my attention by my son.

“There’s something wrong with the door,” she said casually.

“I know.” I sighed.

“Why’s it like that?” M asked.

“The paint I used wasn’t right,” I conceded.

“Oh. OK.”

“It doesn’t look nice,” he continued.

“I know. I’ll fix it soon,” I answered.

“Good. Then it’ll look nice like the rest of the painting!”

When I had picked up the can of paint it had brightly announced that it was a one-coat brilliant white paint for all wood and metal surfaces. So I had just used it in good faith ... just as I had many years before. And this is where the problem stemmed from.

The paint was white when I dipped the brush in the paint tin, it was white when it first went on the door but after a few weeks it started to fade and turned a strange shade of sickness, it was a streaky creamy colour and the previous white colour was peeping through this top layer of discolouration.

The paint I chose to use was old. It wasn’t right for this use. So I had to buy new paint for that door, other doors and radiators.

Now they are all white because I eventually used something that was fit for the right purpose and will not just be a temporary facade.

Squirrels are out and about

Cleaning up is part of everyday life. However, when the spring arrives I notice that there is an ongoing tendency to do more cleaning than usual. Maybe we are a bit like squirrels that have slowed down our activity through the winter so we have to do a big clean up.

Consequently as I was going through cupboards the other day I discovered a baking tin that I had avoided using for a long time; I couldn’t decide whether to throw it away or use it. It held many memories and was one of those ‘seasoned’ tins. It had been put away clean, but I decided to do something different to it this time. You see, I had decided to keep it instead of throwing it away, after all it still had lots of use.

I stood at the kitchen sink and decided to use a different scourer than I had normally used on it. Within minutes I could see a different shine on the baking tin; the past ‘seasoning’ was scrubbed away and with it the old memories started to disappear.

When I placed it in the draining rack I looked at it and thought that all it took to make a difference was to do something in a different way and I got a totally different result.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Albert Einstein

Tinted vision

Months ago I decided to start painting some areas of the house. And, I did just that. I moved furniture, pictures and curtains and I painted. When I had completed the work I put some of the things back and the rest have either gone or are waiting to go to new homes.

I was pleased with my efforts - indeed I still am pleased with them.

So imagine my surprise when it came to my attention that something I thought I had painted was still the original colour. How did I miss that? I thought I had done a thorough job but weeks after the painting paraphernalia had been put away I noticed a yellow piece of wood amongst all the newly painted white bits.

It literally came to light one morning. All that was necessary for me to see this oversight was the correct lighting and the right perception.

When I saw it I immediately realised what I had done; I knew that I had painted when it was getting late in the day, with a yellowish light overhead (I know, it all sounds obvious now!) and I therefore had the perfect set up to obtain a tinted vision that obscured what was directly in front of me. The piece of wood appeared to have been covered in brilliant white paint but it remained yellow all this time.

Now with the right conditions I could plainly see what had always been in front of me. If the sun had not been shining right then, or my eyes had been focused elsewhere then I never would have seen what I had so easily omitted.

Without the right conditions then my painting in the dark would have seemed fine.

Clutter free?

My personal 'how to de-clutter in easy steps' guide:

Decide to redecorate the space you want to clear out.

Move everything out into another area that you use.

Paint the room or area in question.

Look at the new space with fresh eyes.

Look at the piled up items with fresh eyes.

Put the essential items back into the room.

Donate or throw away the other things – because they are in a space that you use and now ruin the energy flow of that room.

When my brother was in the army he would de-clutter his home whenever he was on leave – he still uses the same system every year. His saying was that if you haven’t used it for three months then you don’t need it - I like this philosophy and I may well be using it in the near future (this does not of course apply to ANY of my books).

I keep reading articles about de-cluttering but the thing I remember most is how my brother used to clear out his home of excessive items. One thing that he said made me cringe – although it did prove a point – he said he used to give away items that his wife and children had stored in the loft when they had remained untouched for several months. His reasoning was that if it wasn’t used then it wasn’t needed – at least not by them.

Harsh? Maybe, but it seemed to work. He mentioned that only once did someone want something he had discarded and then he was quite willing to pay for a replacement for them. I’m wondering how my child will react if I take on this method of house clearance. Watch this space ...

That is a future concern but right now what I have found - as I am in the middle of this process - is that I am being confronted by things that in the past I said that I would use, deal with, sort or ... something else (meaning I didn’t want to throw it away at the time). Now I have redecorated and I realise that I have held on to things that I don’t particularly like or want. They were just there, and like a bad habit, I got used to them.

Now I am looking at things with fresh eyes, I can see that they do not fit in with my new point of view. Tonight I have a pile of things that I have to sort out in a fixed time frame or I will throw them away.

I like this de-cluttering. I hope it lasts.

I guess it will if I want it to, if I make it my new habit.

A breath of fresh air

The cold winter months often mean a lack of new air circulating in many rooms. The windows and doors are opened briefly and shut quickly and firmly to keep the bitterness of the season at bay.

After a while, life in those rooms becomes languid.

I think that even though spring has not yet arrived I need to throw my windows and doors wide open and let a breath of fresh air in.

Emotional scaffolding

‘When I spend time de-cluttering my house it feels good,’ Suzy said in a thoughtful tone.
‘I know what you mean,’ replied Trudie, ‘it’s just refreshing to get rid of some of that stuff that’s in the way, you know, the stuff we don’t use or really need.’
Suzy nodded as she leant back in the sofa.
There was a comfortable silence between them as they both went away in their own thoughts.

‘Why is it,’ Trudie asked abruptly, jarring the silence in an awkward way, she sat forward and moved to the edge of the seat, ‘why is it that we are so good at clearing out the material stuff, you know, the physical things in our lives but not so good at the emotional stuff? What’s with that?’
‘I’ve no idea…’ the response trailed off.

A few seconds passed and Trudie turned to look at her friend.
‘Maybe we’re afraid that …’
‘What?’
‘Maybe, and this is just a thought of the top of my head, you know, maybe we’re afraid that if we do emotional de-cluttering then we’ll see what’s really bothering us in our lives and then we’ll have to do something about it ‘cause all the stuff that was hiding it is gone. I don’t know, just thinking out loud.’
‘I think you’re right, Suze,’
‘You know what?’
‘No...’
‘Well, I’ve just realised that I have been doing some emotional spring cleaning, and when I’ve let go of some of the harmful people in my life, like that woman I told you about, the one I used to work with…’
‘You mean the one who kept talking over you and belittling everything you did?’
‘Yeah,’ Suzy laughed a tight laugh, ‘that one! Well, I had the courage to talk to her a while ago and I told her that I was not happy with how she was treating me. I told her it had to change to something I was more comfortable with. It has and I’m glad I did it. It was so right. Long overdue mind you, but so right for me. I’m not sure where I got the strength from but I did it.’
‘Good for you. Well done.’
‘Anyway,’ Suzy exhaled deeply.
‘That sounds like relief to me…’ Trudie looked directly at her friend whose eyes had started to gather pools of water.
‘Anyway,’ she continued, ‘I felt lighter and clearer than I had in ages once I’d done that. It just felt so good.’
‘I’m pleased for you, hun.’

Trudie leaned over and held Suzy’s hand.
‘Are you ok?’
A small shake of the head told her that the answer was both yes and no.

‘But what I was trying to get to,’ Suzy continued, ‘was that I feel so much better now that’s out of the way. It’s not taking up space in my head. I’m not worrying about it, you know, how I’m going to feel the next time I see her and she says something like she always did.’
‘I’m pleased for you. Really pleased. So… That means that you have been doing emotional spring-cleaning as well?’
A bright laugh sprang from Suzy’s throat ‘Yeah, I guess so. And to feels really good to let her go and to make room in my life for people like you… No, I mean it.’
The feeble protest failed and it was Trudies’s turn to get emotional.
‘Trudie, I’ve only known you a few years but it’s been such a positive experience. I know I’m going through a lot of personal growth at the moment, and I feel you have supported me through it. That’s made it easier for me.’
‘Thank you. It’s been my pleasure to know you as well, you know.’
‘Yeah, I do know, you do tell me, and, believe it or not, I am starting to believe you. I’m so glad that I’m letting go of the negative people and that leaves more clear space for people like you to come into my life. I’m glad you are in my life.’
‘Suze, that is so sweet,’ the tears are flowing now from Trudie’s face. ‘You know I’ve been on my own journey too, and it’s just amazing to know that you want me in your life and see me as a positive influence. So many people see me as negative right now,’ Trudie managed a wry laugh, ‘ with all the mess in my life at the moment, that just fills me with joy to know I am positive in someone’s life. Thank you.’ Reaching for a tissue she buries her face for a few moments to compose herself again.
‘Hey, you’re welcomed.’ Suzy rubbed her hand gently across her friend's shoulders.
‘you’re so welcomed. You know, I think we are starting to believe each other, and accept that each of us really does mean it when we say these things.’

A smile of recognition smile grows between them, they have both dared to open up and share that deeper truth that is usually laden with the fear of exposure. And, both are surprised at how safe they feel, in their own ways. And so their journeys continue …



The emotional scaffolding is in place.