There’s something wrong ...

Have you ever noticed that sometimes things look or feel great when you’ve just done them but after a while some uncertainty begins to surface?

Well, I have been painting the house for a while and as time has passed I have found out that I’ve missed bits. Now something else has come to light. Literally.

This concerns a door. The inside of this particular door is not frequently seen as it is not often closed but when my eyes lit upon it on one of the rare bright afternoons I instantly developed a hint of a frown.

I decided to ignore what I had seen but as I am not the only one in the house it was soon brought to my attention by my son.

“There’s something wrong with the door,” she said casually.

“I know.” I sighed.

“Why’s it like that?” M asked.

“The paint I used wasn’t right,” I conceded.

“Oh. OK.”

“It doesn’t look nice,” he continued.

“I know. I’ll fix it soon,” I answered.

“Good. Then it’ll look nice like the rest of the painting!”

When I had picked up the can of paint it had brightly announced that it was a one-coat brilliant white paint for all wood and metal surfaces. So I had just used it in good faith ... just as I had many years before. And this is where the problem stemmed from.

The paint was white when I dipped the brush in the paint tin, it was white when it first went on the door but after a few weeks it started to fade and turned a strange shade of sickness, it was a streaky creamy colour and the previous white colour was peeping through this top layer of discolouration.

The paint I chose to use was old. It wasn’t right for this use. So I had to buy new paint for that door, other doors and radiators.

Now they are all white because I eventually used something that was fit for the right purpose and will not just be a temporary facade.

Tinted vision

Months ago I decided to start painting some areas of the house. And, I did just that. I moved furniture, pictures and curtains and I painted. When I had completed the work I put some of the things back and the rest have either gone or are waiting to go to new homes.

I was pleased with my efforts - indeed I still am pleased with them.

So imagine my surprise when it came to my attention that something I thought I had painted was still the original colour. How did I miss that? I thought I had done a thorough job but weeks after the painting paraphernalia had been put away I noticed a yellow piece of wood amongst all the newly painted white bits.

It literally came to light one morning. All that was necessary for me to see this oversight was the correct lighting and the right perception.

When I saw it I immediately realised what I had done; I knew that I had painted when it was getting late in the day, with a yellowish light overhead (I know, it all sounds obvious now!) and I therefore had the perfect set up to obtain a tinted vision that obscured what was directly in front of me. The piece of wood appeared to have been covered in brilliant white paint but it remained yellow all this time.

Now with the right conditions I could plainly see what had always been in front of me. If the sun had not been shining right then, or my eyes had been focused elsewhere then I never would have seen what I had so easily omitted.

Without the right conditions then my painting in the dark would have seemed fine.

Choosing the numbers yourself

When I go shopping I like to think about things. I compare and contrast items. This makes the shopping experience longer for me than for those who generally know what they want, go into the shop, select the first item that basically matches their requirements and then leave satisfied. Quick decisions. General levels of satisfaction.

I can often take weeks to make a decision about what I consider an important purchase. This delay is not procrastination it is thoughtfulness, I think ...

Even after completing the purchase I am sometimes found looking at comparable products to make sure that I really did get the prime item, at the best price, with the absolute finest specification to best match my requirements.

In my work I am proud of my research skills and decision-making, this is because I work with inanimate objects like computers and data.

I have yet to fully transfer these honed skills to my personal life.

It is because of this reflection that I asked myself how is it that when some people are making choices about major things that will affect every day of their lives, for example, homes, jobs, or life partners that they rush the decision? (I have been guilty of this very thing in the past - I’ll hold my hands up to that. Personal experience can be a great teacher!) However, one thing that I do know is that when it comes to a love connection you just know that it’s right (or wrong) if you really listen to yourself. But even with that said I know of at least one choice (and I assure you there are several more to be accountable for) that was so rushed that once I was living the reality of the decision it took me years to get out of it again.

In my personal relationship life I was a late bloomer.

I’m OK with that now. But when I first became fully aware of my ability to be attractive and to attract others (specifically those that I wanted to attract) I also knew that I was about 20 years behind most of the people in my age group. Everything that had gone before was like painting by numbers. I put the brush in the right place, with the correct pigmentation mixed with water and I followed the lines according to the instructions. Although the finished product was passable from a distance as a ‘picture relationship’ I knew that it was not held together with any integrity. Remove the lines and the numbers and the finished product would look like a pre-school child had been given carte blanche to throw paint at a canvas. I even fooled myself at times myself into thinking that the relationships that I was mimicking were the real thing.

Ersatz diamonds, like imitation relationships, do not hold their deception for a long time. The truth will always come out.

But I didn’t know that. I didn’t know that I had an option. I had Hobson’s choice.

I decided to take the first one that came along. The first person to show me any real interest. Interest in the real me that I knew existed under the facade of fitting in to normality. Bad decision. I know that now. I knew it not long after I had made it, but nevertheless I stuck with it because I really thought that I didn’t have any other choice at all. I was wrong. But it took me years to acknowledge that. It took me a long while to cease fooling myself and to accept that what I thought was a certainty – no choice – was no true. I had to readjust my outlook and know that even though I would get hurt in the process of disentanglement I would be able to regain new certainties.

Back then I chose too quickly. Thinking that life would pass me by I hurriedly accepted the first plate from the snack bar not knowing that a gourmet menu was also on offer at the finest restaurants just around the corner. A virtual smorgasbord of possibilities is available for each and every one of us. All we need to do is to believe in ourselves and not rush our decisions.

The first option is not always the best – it can be, but it is not always the case. Sometimes it pays dividends to wait and consider the other choices before finalising the deal.

Jobs, houses, life partners. All these aspects of my life need deep and careful consideration because they will affect me every day. I’m not suggesting that we know what the future brings but I am suggesting that we know that the future does bring us more things to choose from as we move toward the broad horizon.

Satisfaction is never guaranteed because we live in an imperfect world. However, taking time to think and consider means that the likelihood of you being more satisfied with your choices will rise exponentially.

It’s like painting your own life with the direction from your own heart rather than by someone else’s numbers.

Paintings

A past relationship is like a painting. It is fixed, forever - in the past. There is no movement in it, no future. It is just a memory like the painting is merely paint on canvas holding the memory of a single moment in time. No feelings, no cares, no love, no future – no worries. The relationship is not alive. It is gone. It is past.

Like paintings you can still enjoy the beauty of that past time, but you cannot go back there. You can remember the joy, the fun, the happiness. They were all real and are part of your life. However, your greatest pleasure can be found in the present, your time is now. It is your responsibility to make a living art work from your life – for you to enjoy, right now.