These are my musings and observations on my daily life, loves and the laughter that are all a part of my experience of living now in the shires of England.

Saturday, 3 July 2010

Choosing the numbers yourself

When I go shopping I like to think about things. I compare and contrast items. This makes the shopping experience longer for me than for those who generally know what they want, go into the shop, select the first item that basically matches their requirements and then leave satisfied. Quick decisions. General levels of satisfaction.

I can often take weeks to make a decision about what I consider an important purchase. This delay is not procrastination it is thoughtfulness, I think ...

Even after completing the purchase I am sometimes found looking at comparable products to make sure that I really did get the prime item, at the best price, with the absolute finest specification to best match my requirements.

In my work I am proud of my research skills and decision-making, this is because I work with inanimate objects like computers and data.

I have yet to fully transfer these honed skills to my personal life.

It is because of this reflection that I asked myself how is it that when some people are making choices about major things that will affect every day of their lives, for example, homes, jobs, or life partners that they rush the decision? (I have been guilty of this very thing in the past - I’ll hold my hands up to that. Personal experience can be a great teacher!) However, one thing that I do know is that when it comes to a love connection you just know that it’s right (or wrong) if you really listen to yourself. But even with that said I know of at least one choice (and I assure you there are several more to be accountable for) that was so rushed that once I was living the reality of the decision it took me years to get out of it again.

In my personal relationship life I was a late bloomer.

I’m OK with that now. But when I first became fully aware of my ability to be attractive and to attract others (specifically those that I wanted to attract) I also knew that I was about 20 years behind most of the people in my age group. Everything that had gone before was like painting by numbers. I put the brush in the right place, with the correct pigmentation mixed with water and I followed the lines according to the instructions. Although the finished product was passable from a distance as a ‘picture relationship’ I knew that it was not held together with any integrity. Remove the lines and the numbers and the finished product would look like a pre-school child had been given carte blanche to throw paint at a canvas. I even fooled myself at times myself into thinking that the relationships that I was mimicking were the real thing.

Ersatz diamonds, like imitation relationships, do not hold their deception for a long time. The truth will always come out.

But I didn’t know that. I didn’t know that I had an option. I had Hobson’s choice.

I decided to take the first one that came along. The first person to show me any real interest. Interest in the real me that I knew existed under the facade of fitting in to normality. Bad decision. I know that now. I knew it not long after I had made it, but nevertheless I stuck with it because I really thought that I didn’t have any other choice at all. I was wrong. But it took me years to acknowledge that. It took me a long while to cease fooling myself and to accept that what I thought was a certainty – no choice – was no true. I had to readjust my outlook and know that even though I would get hurt in the process of disentanglement I would be able to regain new certainties.

Back then I chose too quickly. Thinking that life would pass me by I hurriedly accepted the first plate from the snack bar not knowing that a gourmet menu was also on offer at the finest restaurants just around the corner. A virtual smorgasbord of possibilities is available for each and every one of us. All we need to do is to believe in ourselves and not rush our decisions.

The first option is not always the best – it can be, but it is not always the case. Sometimes it pays dividends to wait and consider the other choices before finalising the deal.

Jobs, houses, life partners. All these aspects of my life need deep and careful consideration because they will affect me every day. I’m not suggesting that we know what the future brings but I am suggesting that we know that the future does bring us more things to choose from as we move toward the broad horizon.

Satisfaction is never guaranteed because we live in an imperfect world. However, taking time to think and consider means that the likelihood of you being more satisfied with your choices will rise exponentially.

It’s like painting your own life with the direction from your own heart rather than by someone else’s numbers.


P.D. Gourlais said...

"All we need to do is to believe in ourselves and not rush our decisions."

Somehow I think over the years, we come to brigher light.

We love you BECAUSE you're a late bloomer.

You wouldn't be the same person without your set of experiences and the speed at which you change or grow.

I like how you convey patience and that the best things are worth waiting for as the sayings go.

Lovely to read you!

Marj said...


thank you! For it all ...

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