"Speaking as a mother ..."

Does that phrase qualify any woman with any special abilities of perception or understanding of ... anything? Why do people believe that by giving birth, having children, nurturing small humans that they are any more qualified than any other person to spout forth on any topic?

Many women have used this phrase to dismiss the opinions of other people – especially childless women. All the hearer gets is an opinion that the speaker is being reactionary and possibly unethical. Using one’s status as a mother cannot usually justify any personal claims to knowledge on any subject: for example, the distribution of AIDS medication in sub-Saharan Africa, or the deployment of troops into Afghanistan, or the veracity of presidential comments regarding the deforestation of the Amazon.

It is true that motherhood does open you up to a whole range of particular experiences, fears, hopes and expectations from yourself and those immediately around you and your brood, however, being an adult carer for the younger generation is not a magical key to worldwide knowledge.

Speaking as a mother is generally regarded as a euphemism for someone who has abandoned all vestiges of rational thought and regards everything outside of their immediate control as the evil “other” that needs to be eliminated without further ado. I wonder what would happen to people’s credibility if they all started sentences with “Speaking as a ...”? Would the bedrock of society crumble and people start wailing in the streets?

“Speaking as a ...cyclist I believe that motivating and encouraging people allows them to develop and grow.”

“Speaking as a ...stonemason I know that it is essential to situate the bath and the shower in close proximity to each other.”

“Speaking as a ...teacher I promise to build bridges even where no rivers exist.”

“Speaking as a ...plumber I believe that with the right bike, training and confidence you can ride on any terrain.”

“Speaking as a ...fisherman I know that learning the formulae for the equations will help you in the examinations.”

“Speaking as a ...politician I am sure that if you strike a stone often it is better than if you strike it once very hard.”

“Speaking as a ...writer I believe that with the right bait you can catch a fish, land it, clean it and eat it in a short period of time.”

You get my drift I’m sure... speaking as a mother, I mean.

Watery sunsets

Streams of unbidden tears are my company tonight. I know why … because I miss you. Several sunsets have faded into darkness since I last saw you.

Time changes shape and length with my memories.

I thought I was over you.

I thought I had healed my heart.

Alas, your absence floods every space in my limitless soul.

What a mysterious thing is love. What a marvellous gift you shared with me. I used to be sceptical but now I know that magic is real.

You showed me.

You opened not only my eyes but my heart and mind.

Since we have been apart ...

I have busied myself and buried myself in busyness.

What I thought was past crept up without warning and again assaulted my heart with sweet, tender memories of the utter joy of loving and being loved by you.

You relaxed me, excited me, challenged me and fulfilled me.

I miss your touch in my life.

Impressions

In many homes across the world, including mine, there are mementos that have become lasting impressions of a person, a time, a memory. These may be in the form of photographs, objects and books.

Clay is a wonderful medium for retaining impressions.

Children love to play with clay. Adults also enjoy the pleasure of shaping something pliable into a lasting object. Impressing a shape into clay has become a usual way to retain memories. Parents and other relatives marvel at the imprints of the tiny hands and feet of the new additions to the family that have been preserved and mounted high for all to see.

Clay captures details perfectly. Every line and wrinkle is preserved. They catch the moment and last for a lifetime. The moment passes but the memory stays.

As we enter and share people’s lives we also make lasting impressions.

This impression can be when you or something about you stands out in an observer’s mind. It can be a good or a bad impression.

Each person makes an impact that can become deeply grooved into your mind or flit away like a single autumn leaf in amongst hundreds of others swirling through the windswept park.

I have had people come into my life that have been forceful and left a running impression like a deep tyre track in mud, while others that have been subtle and intricate leaving a memory like that associated with a beautiful perfume.

All these people have left a part their character behind even if they have gone away. Part of them will forever remain with me. The way they leave, the way they entered my life will all become part of the overall impression that they have generated and that I remember – fondly or not – when I think of them.

I’m sure that the same thing happens when people remember me.

I know that all impressions change and shape the receiver – that makes me conscious of the potential impressions that I am leaving in my wake today. Will they be strong positive impression that I have made or weak and distasteful impacts? Some people practice how to make a good impression and by doing this they act in a certain way to creating specific behaviour patterns for their own long- or short-term benefit.

It is unusual for anyone to know beforehand exactly what the result of their efforts will be. The effect of being in contact with others is like the creation of a painting: it is made by one person but many others can be influenced by its image.

I reflect on the mark others have made on my life. On so many occasions I have been extremely privileged to be the recipient of a beautiful expression of their characters. Some marks we leave in others' lives are temporary, some impressions are permanent and beautiful.

I hope that all the temporary impacts will be washed away like a sand castle at high tide, while all the permanent imprints will remain like clay casts retaining all the magnificent details perfectly.