Leap Day Resolutions

All over the British Isles people have been taking part in Leap Day activities and making Leap Day resolutions. Well, that’s what they’ve said on some news programmes that I’ve been listening to this month.

This got me wondering about what times of leaps I would be prepared to take this special day. Tradition has it that women can be the one to propose on this day and if rejected they must be provided with twelve pairs of gloves (so that they can hide their ring less hands all the year around). This, and other traditions have made me smile as I have thought about what I can and will do with this extra day of the month.

I already wear gloves, but not to hide the lack of any rings, more to ward of the bitter winds and cold. So I rejected that idea that would make me the recipient of a dozen pairs of gloves (and my proposal has already been accepted, so it was not necessary on this particular day anyway).

A friend of mine indicated that he was waiting for my proposal to him, but he did send the message from his fortified bunker in the middle of nowhere so I knew that he was not really open to any approach from me. Nevertheless, we can continue to live in hope. Isn’t that right P?

Anyway, back to reality. The radio programmes were encouraging people to take advantage of the extra day in February and use it as an excuse to do something they had never done before. And many did. One woman, who was blind, enjoyed her first tandembike ride; a man, who suffers from panic attacks, depression and agoraphobia, travelled on a bus to a local town for the first time in four years. Another man told his colleagues that he is gay and has been with his partner for nearly 20 years. At several schools the children, teachers and support staff leapt to different classrooms for lessons and undertook each others’ roles for an hour.

There have been so many leaps.

But, here’s a gift for you, you don’t have to wait for another 4 years to make your own leap – you can do it now! But you knew that, didn’t you?

It’ll be great to share what extraordinary leaps you’ve taken. Feel free to let me know about your daily or yearly leaps and I’ll keep telling you about mine: it’s only fair.

It’s heavy ...

Sometimes the heaviest things that I have ever carried are my thoughts.

I sometimes wonder what I should do with these weighty opinions that press down on me. When someone asks me to share them, I wonder if I really should.

Can I risk lightening my load? (It sounds silly when put like that, after all, who wouldn’t want to take pressure off themselves?)

Then I remember the phrase, “Follow your instincts, you’ll be fine!” and I do, and I am.

It’s so much lighter now.

Loving the word ‘no’

Often we do not understand just how grateful we should be for the times when things have worked against our initial plans.

In the moment when we want to hear a ‘yes’ the opposite answer holds no attraction whatsoever. It is only when time may have passed and different things have happened that we see the true colours of the answers we wanted and were given.

I have recently wanted a situation to be so different, but it didn’t turn out the way I desired. It wasn’t pleasing to me; in fact I was morose for a while. But then as I lived the other avenue that I didn’t choose I saw things in a different light: I realised that if my plans had gone ahead the way I wanted them to I would have been walking into the most awful disaster.

Smiling to myself – in ‘No Avenue’ I realised that it was a brilliant thing to hear the word ‘no’.

You see, I can see across to ‘Yes Highway’ and know that it is more like Spaghetti Junction that the free flowing thoroughfare that I thought it was.

And right now I am loving the word ‘no’.

What is hidden ...

This is a health story.

I noticed a tingling in one of my toes. It bothered me but I thought it would pass so I ignored it. I looked at the distracting toe and could not see anything obviously wrong so I learnt to live with it.

But the unsettling feeling would not go away. Oh, it was pushed to the back of my mind for a while but it always surfaced again. After years (well, days really) of doing nothing about it I woke up one morning and noticed that there was something new on my toe: a lump.

What was hidden had begun to show. The cause of the tingling was making itself evident right there, so I could not only feel it but I could also see it. The discomfort had also increased. It was no longer possible to walk with my usual ease. The numbness that I felt had started as a mere tingle, now it was spreading through my body. I felt something approaching fear.

Therefore at this juncture I decided to seek specialist help. I took action and saw a professional. The doctor checked me over and said that with a minor operation the cyst could be removed and everything would be back to normal again. The numbness would go and the tingling would cease.

Within a short while the pain will be totally gone because I didn’t ignore it forever.

As I said, this is a health story.

But remember, what is hidden eventually shows.

Gluttony

Note to self: eating a whole packet of delicious biscuits in one day ALWAYS leads to pain in many of the days that follow.

Don’t be foolish.

Make wiser choices.

A little is good but a lot is poisonous to me. Remember that TRUE fact next time you reach for a packet of scrumptious Swedish Ginger Thins – even if they are Anna’s!

Chasing the dragon

© MHM Sept 2005 Mount Rainier, Washington, USA

Where do you go when you get to the top of a mountain? You always come back down. Fact.

Every high is followed by a descent. As soon as you peak you are faced with a decline: you’re on your way back down.

What does that mean for my life? Does that mean I have to ‘settle’ for second best? No! Most definitely not. But to me it does mean that I have to have a touch of realism in my pursuits. I will continue to reach for my dreams and achieve more miracles as I progress, however, I have chosen to remember that some things can cause more damage than happiness.

Being exceptional is wonderful. But chasing dragons all your life is not recommended. There is no life insurance available and the benefits are, at best, fleetingly temporary. Mediocrity is not appealing at first – especially in some things, but it has a lot going for it: best of all, a better quality and maybe, longer, life. With more time and life I get to pursue more dreams and spend time with those who matter most to me. That’s my perfection. That is my dream.

If I constantly chase the dragon I know that I may never catch it, but it may get me.

What I have also learnt is that dragons usually bite – fatally.

No wet lying permitted

I think I’ve seen it all now. Washing instructions have gone crazy – or maybe I have.
I found these care directions inside a pair of Morgan’s Nike basketball shorts:




So, I positioned myself at the washing machine as the final rinse cycle was ending and as soon as the door released I threw back the porthole and rescued the shorts from lying on themselves in the washing machine drum. They just lay there, mocking me as they were entwined with other equally damp clothing. They had no shame! They didn’t even cast me a second glance as I gently removed them to an upright position so that they could breathe easily and regain their dry condition.

Not!

This is going to be a difficult sport clothing care cycle – I can feel it in my waters.

Jigsaw perspectives

I have to make long-term decisions that I believe are the best for my family. These may include staying up until stupid-o’clock to finish painting walls so the next day can be focused on more family filled activities or I may decide that a certain desired purchase may have to be denied.

These two examples are not times of easy decisions but because I do have the advantage of seeing a larger picture I am able to make them with some confidence.

My son, however, cannot see the sense in some of the things that I decide – especially if he wants something right then (and additionally has told his friends about it as a guaranteed event). But, as I told him today, that is sometimes because he is looking at a single piece of the whole jigsaw while I am looking at the whole picture – more or less.

Where there's a will ...

... there’s a way. But there are also other things as well.

I’ve just signed my last will and testament. So now it is legal and binding. The two witnesses were solemn and professional in their duties and my will is sealed for after my death. That sounds sombre but it is necessary.

When you have specific requirements and you know that people don’t agree with your point of views in life, it is not unrealistic to believe that they will not agree with you when you are dead. Hence another good reason to make a will.

This is not the first will that I have made, however, it is a new will to respect my current situation, my family and my future desires for my family. My extended family have their views, but the law is the law so they have to adhere to the details of my will ... at least I’m hoping so. You often hear about people contesting wills, but my estate will not be worth much, my only value is in my son and what happens to him. So I have updated my will.

As I left the solicitors office I felt more emotional than I had on all previous occasions of will making. This is a serious matter and I really experienced that today. The details of this will have been in place for some months, but signing it has made it real.

I shook hands with my young and genial solicitor who assured me that this was the correct thing to do to avoid problems in the future.

“It’s just one of the facts of life that we have to deal with,” she said calmly.

I nodded because I had already explained my emotional state and didn’t feel able to add any more words to the conversation without coating them with tears. Walking back to the car park in the bright sunshine I held the copy of the will in my hand and exhaled.

Where there is a will ... there are emotions.

Living love

Sometimes people in relatively comfortable situations complain about helping those who are not so fortunate: this is their right to complain. The age old saying goes up, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” as the wallets and the hearts close simultaneously.

On this year’s Comic Relief there is one appeal where actor David Tennant got so emotional that he was practically begging people to give money to help those who need help. Whenever I can I give to help others – and not just at these times of big campaigns – but the point he was making is that some people just watch the comedy and forget (neglect) to donate (watch this clip from 31:24 to see his encouragement to help).

There are those who don’t have anything to give, so obviously they can’t. But some raise money and give their time. At my son’s school today they are doing a charity run to raise money. People find a way of showing that they care; they help how they can.

A few weeks ago he said to me “Can I give my pocket money to Comic Relief?” Of course I said yes.

To me my son is a caring child that is living love.

Our parents are right!

I think we have to get to an age that our parents were when we first began to disagree with them before we realise that many of the things that they said are right.

The reason I say this is that a while ago someone told me something and I didn’t think it was the best decision (it involved me) but I had no choice but to go along with it. Anyway, as time passed I began to realise that instead of being sad about that decision I began to feel undeniably happy about it. It was not something I would have chosen right there, right then, but looking back from where I am now I know that without that person making that brave choice I would be in a much poorer position now.

I’m not talking about financial wealth either – that hasn’t changed substantially for a while, I’m talking about spiritual and social health.

I took time today to thank that person for their wise choice (that I didn’t agree with at the time) because I see that they were being true to themselves and to me by making it. And that must be all good.

I have learnt that when my parents used to say “All that glistens isn’t gold,” they were, of course, right.

This muddy field that I inhabit now is much more rewarding than the palace with its false facades.

Persuasion

Today I had a conversation wherein I asked someone’s opinion on a matter that has been occupying my mind for a few weeks. I have a firm idea about what to do, but I am still not fully decided on the way I should proceed. I have weighed up the pros and cons for a while because whatever I do with impact my child’s school life for several years to come. I have to be wise.

After the conversation I felt myself wavering away from my position in favour of a new proposition.

This left me wondering how often I am easily persuaded to do one thing or another when I am almost totally convinced that a different path is the best one. I questioned myself to see if I valued the other’s opinion more than my own, or was I just too weak to stand up for my own point of view? Wondering if my own point of view was unstable did indeed leave me open to persuasion.

Self sabotage

Sometimes it is possible to sabotage yourself by being too busy.

If you are too busy you cannot fit everything you want to do in the time that you have and you know that you will fail – it all – because nothing will ever be done to any degree of satisfaction.

This thought has been in my mind repeatedly as I go about my tasks over the past few days.

At times it seemed as though I was trying to fit five minutes of effort and achievement into a single minute: it would never work. I started one task and on the way to finishing it I concluded that before I did so I would just ... yes, I used those words in my head, ‘I would just...’ a fatal combination of words that mean the task in hand is going to be delayed while another one takes the priority slot.

This continued for about half an hour until I realised that I was standing with several things in my hand, unwilling to put any of them down, because they were all on their way to somewhere else. I had picked up small distractions on my way to the completion of my first job and now I was unable to finish the first job. In fact, to be fair and honest about it all, I barely remembered what I had started out with the intention of achieving.

I was stood with an odd assortment of things in my hand, wedged into my pockets and under my free arm.

After repeating this crazy procedure for three days I have realised that I need to set myself small tasks to complete and do them without distraction. One task done well is much better than five tasks all done badly.

I have taken off the mindset that directed me into sabotage overload and, with my blinkers on, I will focus on the task at hand. Sleep.

Goodnight.

(Did you get distracted reading this? ...)

Lost precious memories?

I was deleting a few messages from my phone as I had just received that warning message from my service provider that I was running out of memory storage space. I looked at a few of the messages that I had recently received and once I had highlighted the groups of conversations I pressed ‘select’ to delete them. The phone system checked with me, ‘option 1 Selected, option 2 Multiple, option 3 All’ I could either press ‘select’ or ‘back’. This was the ‘are you sure?’ section of the procedure. I was sure so I chose option 3 to delete them all.

Oops!

After about thirty seconds I wondered why the screen still displayed ‘Deleting ...’ with the option to cancel the process at the bottom of the screen. I waited for a short while then returned to my phone call.

It wasn’t until nearly two hours later that I realised that I had deleted all of my precious memories that I had on my phone in text form.

Then I thought ... were they that precious?

They are obviously not easily replaceable, but I know that I could retrieve them if I really wanted to go through all that palaver but ... I thought about it some more and realised that although it was an accidental delete off all my text, I mean every single text on my phone – both received and sent – that it was not the end of the world.

It made me think that this ‘delete’ was supposed to happen. I now have plenty of free space on my phone to make new precious memories. And, although I don’t really adhere to the whole New Year (is the only time to make a), New Start philosophy, I saw that the timing was perfect.

Then I remembered a poster I saw on someone’s blog about everyday wisdom and I thought how appropriate it was while thinking about the memories that I had just erased:

I have already set about making new memories to add to those erased from my phone - but never lost from my mind. Today I am making more precious memories.

Mind power: I think; therefore I am

Things happen. They happen all the time. Sometimes we don’t know they are happening so they don’t occupy our thoughts. They just happen. Independently of us.

Then … we hear about an event and we have a personal connection to it; it could be that someone we know is in a certain place, or that a person of our acquaintance has been reported to have said a particular thing.

Then our dormant minds rev up and this event – that we have neither witness or sometimes had confirmed – takes poll position in our minds in the race for air time. All our thoughts keep returning to this event. It becomes our main focus.

We worry and stress about something that has already happened. Independently of us. We worry and stress about something that we cannot change, influence, or alter in any way.

Why?

How does this affect us?

I heard that my nephew was on a long road journey late one night and my sister was concerned as he had not yet arrived home. He had been travelling all day, as he often does, but once I heard that it had been a while since he had been in contact I started to worry.

I asked myself if the worry made him arrive at his destination any more quickly. I asked myself what effect the worry was having on both my sister and I.

Later that evening I was pleased to hear that he had arrived safely but the fact is my worrying did not alter his travels in any way: it only altered me.

My mind was occupied with feelings of dread and concern – for no good reason. There were no negative weather conditions or traffic reports. My fears were groundless. It made me think that it is so easy to slip into a state of negativity as a normal situation.

It occurred to me that I need to train my mind’s power to be more positive.

I had the chance again this week to exercise my will when I heard some news that took me back to a time and situation in my recent past. Someone I used to be very close to told me about a change in their life. I was happy for them, and at the same time I was sad that I didn’t know about it earlier and also that our relationship was no longer the same. After a very short while (only a few hours - which I was pleased with) I had counselled myself back into a positive state and I reminded myself that when I didn’t know this occurrence I was progressing with life in a sensible and active manner.

The change in this person’s life had happened a long time before I knew about it and so it didn’t make any sense to start worrying about it just because it was ‘news’ to me. It had already happened. Independently of me.

If we are not careful we can spend too much time focussing on things we cannot change, and things that do not need to change. They have happened.

Our job, if you can call it that, is to learn to accept things, gracefully and quickly. We can make changes in our current life. We can plan for the future. Our futures.

We cannot change what has already happened. We cannot change how other people think and feel. They are independent of us.

Accept the now. Plan for the future.

Allow your mind to focus on the dawn of the new day and not to wallow in the dusk of what has already past.

Mind power is life power.

In my life it needs to remain positive.

Lethargy and dust…

© Tara Bradford

Lethargy can cause a build up of dust.

If you become tired, listless, or fatigued the relatively minor problem of a few specks of dust can easily be ignored. Then the lethargy can become a parallel problem with the dust as they both build.

Dust and the lethargy may both seem insignificant at first but if you ignore either for too long it is a major task to shift it as together they increase to seemingly unmanageable proportions.

When you are exhausted – of everything – the last thing you want to do is to dust! The effort to remove the mental fatigue from your body becomes an arduous job. It’s hard to think when you can’t think.

Being lethargic can mean you just can’t be bothered to move any more. A state of drowsiness overtakes you. Your mind wants to stop processing information or making good decisions. When the tiredness is extreme you can exist in a state of indifference. Then the dust is insignificant – if you acknowledge it at all!

If at all possible it’s best not to let either nutritional lethargy … or dust, get a foothold in your life.

I’m off to dust …

Living Now

Living now is a risky business.

I mean that in the sense of wanting to have a connection with another person. A deep connection, a lasting connection.

We all want to know people and be known by people. Really knowing them and really being known.

This means taking a risk.

That is, unfortunately, how we have come to view the prospect of opening up to someone new. Like it is a risk.

That old familiar feeling of rejection hovers over us like Damocles’ sword. The ever present threat from which we think we’ll never recover.

The truth is that we do have knock-backs and rejections but that’s really all right. It would be impossible – and undesirable - to have everyone we meet in our lives at the same level of intimacy. We have to accept that some people will not like us, not because we are not likeable, but because we may not be right for their lives at that time.

This is a fact that I am beginning to accept because I know that the same thing does happen from my perspective. In theory I’d love to make and keep all friends for ever, but the reality is that sometimes our paths cross and we walk the same route for a while, then we may veer off into our own separate adventures and journeys. On occasions these paths may entwine again and the meeting is usually joyous.

However, when we go our separate ways it is because that is where our personal journeys are taking us, not merely because we are avoiding friendships.

We each have to follow our inner compass.

If my pull is in one direction and my friend is being pulled in another direction then I must let them pursue their way. For friendships sake I cannot stand in their way.

Their way is not my way.

My way is not your way.

Your way is not their way.

Not always …

But sometimes we do walk together,

For a while.

I’m trying to make the time I spend with friends special and accept that the time apart is special as well. For all of us.

The brilliance of sharing time, fun, love and happiness can help to stave off those moments of loneliness. These moments can be redirected to reflection and rejoicing at what we have enjoyed and what we can look forward to enjoying as well.

What I am learning each day is that opportunities can come is all shapes and sizes, and particularly in different guises.

When I remain open to possibilities, then I receive them in abundance.

Getting to know people, even for a short while, is what I now consider an opportunity not a risk.

Unfinished business

I remember the last time I was in a pub and the staff moved between the tables like they were on roller-skates picking up the empty glasses and bottles. There is a system to their routine. They remove the finished product and you replace it with a new one, a fresh one. As I watched them weaving between the tables, making increasingly impossible loads of empties balanced on their free arm, I began to question whether they would reach their limit before they reached my table. The calculation went through my mind quickly. Then, suddenly I realised that they are on a different agenda to me. There was a moment when I saw them coming directly for me and I knew what they are going to do, so I reached out, but I was too late – the bottle has been whisked away.

'Hey,' I say indignantly, ‘I hadn’t finished that.’

The staff member donned their most scornful look as they turned back to me with my unfinished drink in their hand. They looked at me, then at the bottle. The bottle was turned slightly towards the fading light that came through the window behind me in the cosy alcove.

‘Oh,’ they said, and then a reluctant obligatory apology without any real meaning, ‘sorry, I thought it was finished.’ Then they tipped the bottle towards me and feeling embarrassed but determined to hold on to my position, I reach for the bottle. I no longer want the bottle as they put their finger in the neck of it but it's at this point I begin to feel that it’s the principle that matters.

‘Thank you,’ I say, while wondering why I am thanking them when I know that they have just done me a disservice. Nevertheless, I still feel as if I should not have let the bottle go.

I reclaim my drink and feel just how light it is. I’m not sure that there is even a full mouthful left in the bottle, but I know I was right to claim it. The drink was mine, I had not finished with it. I know that I’ll give it up when I am ready, and not before.

The people with me smile those knowing smiles and shake their heads at the staff member who has decided that they will wait for the bottle that I have reclaimed.

‘It’s ok,’ I say sheepishly, ‘I’ll just hang on to it …’

‘Are you sure?’ comes the sarcastic response, ‘I could just wait, as it’s nearly done anyway …’

Suddenly this has become about more than the dregs of liquid in the bottle.

This is unfinished business.

I am not ready to let go. My time for closure with my beverage has not arrived. But another person has decided that they have a prior claim on the drink and they, without consulting me, have decided that my business is in reality now finished.

I sat there wondering how to resolve this ordinary situation that had somehow become extraordinary and was the focus of not just my attention, but several people on my table and the adjoining tables.

Did someone else really have the right to decide that my short connection with this bottle was over? Surely it was only down to me.

The pressure was building. Light conversations began around me but my only focus was on the soiled bottle in my hand and the overbearing staff in front of me who was becoming uncomfortable with the load of collected empties that they had already gathered.

I asked myself '... at what point am I willing to let go of things in my life or would I always hang on to remnants of the past?'

I could not see myself as a rat in bags of rags that I refused to let go of so I sighed deeply and accepted the truth. I had a tendency to burrow in the past but I needed to face the present and the future. I accepted what they said. It is finished now anyway, I thought. I smiled reluctantly and handed the bottle back to the staff. I had not made the decision but that didn’t matter any more. Circumstances meant that closure came - although not on my timeline - there was no going back.

‘It’s ok,’ I said with a resigned acceptance, ‘yeah, you’re right – it’s finished.’

Anyone involved can call time on the business. When it’s over for them, it’s over.