Re-inventing yourself

How often do we re-invent ourselves? On a daily basis perhaps.

If the re-invention process is successful I wonder what I should do with the old ‘self’, the old Marjorie. Then I realised that it’s not really possible – for me, at least – to separate myself into ‘old’ and ‘new’ versions of me. My life is a tad more complicated than that. I think that I manage multiple parts of my personality at the same time. Let me explain. With different relationships I have a different part of me to share with each person: that’s almost like wearing a different mask, or showing a different face. It’s all me, but different. Like the sun, it’s all sun but it looks different at different times of the day and from various locations of the earth.

I remember when a cousin first travelled to the UK from Jamaica, I saw him standing at the window on his first morning in the shires, he was just looking at the sky. Then he spoke, slowly, and a touch sadly, “The sun is a lie.” I was puzzled, but he continued, his head turned slightly to one side with the heavy disappointment of losing a familiar friend, “It looks like the sun, but it doesn’t feel like the sun.” His conclusion made sense. His relationship to the sun had altered with the miles of travel, but the sun was still the same, just showing a different side of itself in a different situation. Here it was necessarily lightly masked by clouds and driven by wind.

What works in one place doesn’t necessarily work in another. The same can be said for relationships and the parts of our personality that we share.

In a way we can be like the sun and become so good at masking the various parts of our character that we build up a hard exterior and hide under layers of self-deception.  The main concern that I have is that one day it may become too hard to take off any of the masks. The more I think about it, the chief problem that I see with having this interchangeable mask-like life is that one mask may be so effective that it becomes the only one we wear, and then we lose the other, valuable, parts of ourselves.

If we re-invent to prevent others from seeing us, then we have to tread cautiously in case – in the process – we change a single temporary mask into a permanent suit of full-body armour.

The last thing we should do is to be a lie.

I know it’s not comfortable to continue life as an invention, a fiction, a life behind a mask.

Using your imagination

How can you use your imagination? Let me count the ways ...

While you’re off counting your own ways to use your imagination I’d like to share something with you. Don’t worry, it’ll still be here when you’ve finished.

You see, I’ve been blessed with information that I am honour (love) bound to share with you all. It’s about using your imagination for spiritual progress. I attended a seminar about just that topic. It was a reminder of what we have inside of us and how we can best use it to assist our spiritual journey. It was a wonderful few hours in tranquil surroundings. 

As I said, I cannot keep this information to myself, so here it is for you to take with you on your own spiritual journey. I am sharing the gift I received with you – I know, I’m generous. You can thank me later ...

Because imagination is the central force of change, I think we should all invest more time into using it. Here are a few nuggets to get your own imaginative juices flowing as you take steps on your way today. Have fun.

I          “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Albert Einstein

            Imagination is a private place, no one else can be in my imagination

– not even by invitation: it is mine, alone.

M       Meditation

            When you take time to listen to yourself and God you can increase your creativity.

When we give ourselves up to creativity, we open ourselves up to G.O.D.

            Good Orderly Direction

A        Active Imagination and Active Listening

            To be an active listener we need to “switch off the self”.

            Listen with your ears, eyes, heart and imagination. Listen to the whole person.

G        Gratitude

            Inspect your baggage and see what you’ve already got.

            Make a gratitude list.

Start with 20 and see how many you get. More than you thought? Be grateful.

I          Images that inspire

            Find and use images that inspire you.

Go for a walk, go to a museum, look at photographs.

       

N        Nature is a great opportunity for exercising the imagination

            Select anything you find and look at it, really look at it and think about it.

A        Award yourself a blessing

            This may seem difficult at first but it’s not.

Think of a quality, any one and make yourself a blessing from it

(find out more here).

T         Ticket to Ride

            Your imagination is your ticket to ... anywhere. You can go where you like.

            Time

            Make time to ... be at peace. Start with a minute. You have a minute, surely?

            Change your thinking and change your life in just-a-minute 

I          Imagine a world ... as it could be, as it should be.

            Change your world and you change the whole world. Imagine that.

            Smile more, be cooperative, practice total acceptance, forgive and be truthful.

            What a difference those few things make in the world.

O       Open-minded

           Be open-minded and think about what is in the way of your own spiritual progress.

           Open yourself to help to surmount the obstacles.

           Imagine what it would be like if your dreams came true.

N     Now - right now!

           Now is a good time to make the change and really start using your imagination.

“With imagination you can free yourself from the chains of your own solitary perceived reality.”

 Davina Lloyd

“Perhaps imagination is only intelligence having fun.”

George Scialabba

Nonsense!

In a world primarily focussed on binary opposites it is understood that the contradictory position of sense is nonsense.

Nonsense is meaningless gibberish (isn't it?) – whether communicated in words or signs. This leads to incoherence (doesn't it?). Just look at how Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland progress and you’ll see exactly what I mean.

There are times when all that once seemed sensible and logical no longer appears that way. It all becomes nonsense.

This is a great opportunity to use your imagination; to see things another way. It’s a risk, that’s true, but it’s one that is worth taking I think.

Imagination hold so many possibilities – ask any child at play, they’ll show you how. What at first seems like nonsense may highlight certain previously undiscovered ideas. I plan to embrace nonsense!

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.”

Theodore Seuss Geisel (Dr Seuss)

AWOL

It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to blog. Some of the reasons have been because I have not wanted to write what was on my mind but many of the other reasons – the main reasons - are because I just couldn’t. 

Whatever the cause for each day I have been missing from the blogsphere, I have, in effect, been AWOL.

(The missing blogs will be posted as I get back into the swing of things along with new ones that are being created at this very moment.)

Many thanks to those who have kept visiting my blogs while I’ve been AWOL and, just for you, I will keep the entries up to date as much as I can.

The main reason for the dearth of entries has been a virus.

After joining the world in a mass celebration of family and love nearly two weeks ago, I was struck down by a pesky bug that has refused to leave me. I know that I embrace most things, but this particular one I have started to abhor.

I don’t dislike many things, but I’m not holding back in my dislike of this.

Sorry.

I wish the virus was AWOL from my body now!

It’s heavy ...

Sometimes the heaviest things that I have ever carried are my thoughts.

I sometimes wonder what I should do with these weighty opinions that press down on me. When someone asks me to share them, I wonder if I really should.

Can I risk lightening my load? (It sounds silly when put like that, after all, who wouldn’t want to take pressure off themselves?)

Then I remember the phrase, “Follow your instincts, you’ll be fine!” and I do, and I am.

It’s so much lighter now.

Destruction

Doing hurtful and negative things to others only hurts them. Right?

Wrong.

Willard White (in the Guardian 15/4/05) said something that rang true to me:

“We choose to do things that we think will make us feel good ... If the foundation of that choice is steeped in the poison of what we feel about ourselves, we can do really terrible things. Every human being wants happiness, and wants to be at peace. So why choose to do something destructive, which is actually an act against yourself?"

(Yes, this is Willard White Week!)

Destruction of others leads to self destruction.

Psychology and sexuality

*WARNING  do not read this blog if you have homophobic tendencies *

This is a personal point of view – we all have them. I am about to share mine.

With the fluid nature of sexuality and the constant need to express this sexuality in public, it is sometimes a wonder to me that the majority of the population (i.e. the heterosexual section) can be so narrow-minded in their opinions about how and if (really?!!) homosexual people should express their sexuality.

Sexuality is an innate part of every being. Fact.

In Western society the usual model for containing sexual expression has been (for centuries) with the bounds of marriage. This has been (for centuries) denied to people with different sexualities to the majority. Fact.

This same heterosexual majority that flaunt (yes, really) their sexuality at every opportunity continues to deny this inalienable right to homosexuals, transsexuals and other. This is wrong. Fact.

While heterosexuals look and touch each other without censure those of other sexualities are taught that they must hide their sexuality at all costs. Then ... when they do, the heterosexual majority wonder about it and imbue the homosexuals and others with an identity of a primarily rampant sexual being - just because they don’t know what is being expressed in private and because they are judging by their own behaviours. At the same time the heterosexuals state forcibly that those with other sexualities should remain celibate while they themselves are sexually expressive at all times. This is wrong and is inequality of humanity. Fact.

In the past centuries it was popular to stay celibate until marriage (for heterosexuals) even though marriage was generally denied to homosexuals and others the majority still dictated that celibacy was the only way, yet they abandoned it without a second thought, or so it seemed.

So the idea was that homosexuals stayed celibate until ... well, for ever I guess since equality of marriage is not generally accepted.

This is beyond ridiculous.

This is sexuality apartheid.

This makes me mad. Fact.

I am an equalist and I believe that homosexuals and others should be allowed the freedom to express their sexuality in the same way as heterosexuals do every day, and without blinking and wondering if they will be sanctioned for showing love. Fact.

Sexual identities, like other identities have a right to be freely expressed. Anything else is sanctioned mental abuse. Fact.

From this speakers’ corner known as my blog that is my current thinking on the psychology of sexuality.  

Brave or stupid?

This is a DIY blog. You get to fill in your own examples. I know. How kind of me! I thought so, too.

This will sound a bit general because I don’t want to influence your way of thinking about your own situations, so here goes.

I was thinking about a situation when I did something, and the reason why I took this particular action was because I really wanted to believe that the world is a wonderful place. (It’s at this point when things can go one of two ways – choose your own ending.)

Path A: The choice I made blew up in my face and I felt stupid. It was then that I realised that they world was not as good as I had hoped it was. People said that I was stupid – it was confirmed; I knew why I didn’t take risks after all. I went back to reserved living. I questioned my sanity at believing any different.

Path B: The choice I made turned out wonderfully! I was proud of taking the risk and people said that I had been brave. I believed that there was a chance of something different, something better and I went for it. It was in that moment that I knew why I dared to take the risk at all. I was glad that I believed that there was an alternative. I applauded myself for being wise.

I find it sadly amusing that people often don’t do things because they don’t want to be seen as stupid when they have just as much chance as being seen as wise and brave... and feeling fulfilled in their dream.

So what, really, is being brave or stupid?

I wonder ...

I wonder what my brother would be doing now if he were still alive. He would have been retired by now, as he would be nearing his 70^th birthday. But he didn’t live even to my age. Sadly, he died well before he was 50 years old.

© MHM My brother Roy, aged 23

As I wondered about my eldest sibling it made me think about my other brothers and sisters – the ones that are still around. How much do I really know about them?

Am I in the same position of wondering what they are doing now?

I guess it wouldn’t hurt to pick up the phone and find out ...

I wonder.

Love

People see love in many different ways.

It can be, after all, manifest itself in diverse ways in people’s lives.

Some show love with flowers, others with chocolates, and still more people show it with a cup of coffee, or a back rub, or a walk in the park. These are all wonderful, and I see love throughout them all.

Love can touch our lives in so many ways.

Through the ring of a phone, a letter on the door mat, breakfast in bed, a fleeting touch or look – all these are expressions of love.

Love (Ai) River Kaohsiung, Taiwan

I sometimes think of love as a river that flows for ever rather that the beauty of a bouquet of flowers that will eventually fade away.

500 blog posts

Well, there you have it. I have done over 500 posts on this particular blog. I also call them mind dumps, not sure what you call them.

I started this one in 2008. I had almost a year blog-free then I returned with tentative steps and ... I haven’t looked back since then.

Blogging has become an interesting part of my existence. I enjoy it because it is another means of self-expression.

This Living Now blog is like a selected catalogue of my life and thoughts. It has grown in frequency and detail over the past year. The other blogs that I also write have also experienced growth spurts: Happy Every Day, AskMorg and Personal Object Lessons are like my baby blogs that have grown out of this parent site. I love them all, although I do lavish different amounts of attention on them because they have – just like children – different times when they need to express themselves.  

I will continue to blog (share my personal therapy) with you all because ... well, I like it. I hope you do too.

Beliefs

Have you ever tried to un-believe something that you know is true? Is there any point in this attempt?

I don’t think so.

The only point in looking at a belief is if there is any doubt, if you don't really know if it is true. 

My thought process went along the following lines: do I really know that this is true? Are there any other things that might be better for me than this? How will I find out if this is the truth I’m supposed to believe if I don’t look at other options?

If something is true, especially if you know it to be true, then trying to make it otherwise is a perfect waste of time. Take, for example, a spiritual belief or the fact of love – to me they’re both the same type of belief.

You can look at it from any angle and pull it to bits by analysing it intensely and the result will still be the same, you just can’t get away from the fact that it is a fact for you. Well, that’s how it is for me anyway.

I’ve asked myself why I believe certain things, why I love certain people and the conclusion is the same: there is no other option for me. And, believe me, I have looked long and hard at various options.

It’s not like I’m trying to escape my spirituality or to get away from the love I know, it’s just that sometimes I do wonder if there is another way for me, another choice. So I had a look.

I have had long looks at different options and I’m pleased to say that I still believe ... in love (spiritual and emotional). And, it’s all good.

Have you ever tested the truth and the foundations of the things that you believe in?

Should you ever question love? I did. I had to, because I didn’t understand why I retained such deep affection for people and ideas when my logic was directing me to look at different options.

I believe in love and spirituality even more now than I did when I started questioning my beliefs. It really is ... all good. What I believe is all a part of who I am. That’s what I believe anyway ...

Broken

“You look so strong and everyone else around here looks broken.

Your eyes show you feel forgotten about because you appear to be doing so well.

I know what it feels like to be forgotten ...

It gives you every reason to doubt people, but you should always hold on to the truth that you are loved ... by someone. I love you.”

Message to myself.

Affirmations

There are greetings cards, books, leaflets, bumper stickers and a whole host of other items that share affirmations with us in a subtle or not so subtle way each day. Some people go searching for them as soon as they awaken so that their day will start with self acceptance, approval and a positive attitude. Some people happen across them as they wander through their day. Others fall over them when they are at their lowest points.

These affirmations can transform your thinking. They can imbue you with personal power, they can steer you towards success. Positive affirmations are medicine for the mind that shows up in your positive actions and behaviours.

Why do we need positive affirmations? For a balance life, that’s why.

Here are a few to be going on with:

I am wonderful and my happiness is important.

I will make time to be happy every day; I am worth it.

I have a right to love and be loved.

I am a kind and loving person.

I will say yes to my dreams.

I believe in myself.

Turn the tables

Try this for size: (it can be either emotional or physical) If someone behaved towards me the way I do to them, how would it feel?

Would I feel happy or sad, attraction or repulsion?

Just try it for an hour, a day, a week: turn the tables.

Robert Sanderson's XII sermons, 1634:

"Whosoever thou art that dost another wrong, do but turn the tables: imagine thy neighbour were now playing thy game, and thou his."

Case Closed

Legal issues have been occupying my mind of late and one matter made me start to think about the case of love. I have been wondering if love is ever like a court case or is it always like an unresolved court case.

Along the same lines I have had some questions:

Does a scar fade more quickly if you don’t look at it?

Does a pot boil faster if you don’t watch it?

Does love change when you are away from the source of it?

Love is such a vital emotion and feeling that years of analysis cannot define it, explain it or contain it. It is for these reasons that I ask can love ever be filed away and shelved in a dusty back room under ‘Case Closed’ or will the case always be open?

It's all in your head

That’s right. It is all in your head. At least that’s where it starts. We think things into existence. We have a thought then we have an action (or is that the other way around?), somewhere thoughts and actions are connected and our thinking becomes more than firing neurons in our brains.

The problem that I sometimes have is that I get over concerned with what other people are thinking about ... me. It bothers me. In reality it bothers me much less now than it used to but there is still a small area of my brain that thinks about what people are thinking about me. Does that make sense?

However small (or large) that area of thought intense brain activity is what I have come to realise is that I can’t control what other people are thinking. I have enough difficulty controlling my own thinking! What I can do is remember everything that I know to be true about myself and my circumstances and make sure that I don’t let the thinking about what they are thinking about me become too big of a distraction in my life.

That was a lot of thinking!

I think I’ll go to bed now.

Belief precedes experience

When I happened upon that sentence in a book recently it really made me stop and think. And think ... and think!

If you believe this assertion then it logically follows that every single thing we experience is evaluated by what we already believe. This judgement can include ideas about yourself that you may or may not like. If we have been taught to believe something about our intrinsic being then all events that follow and impact on that are viewed through the belief system that we adhere to: belief really does precedes experience.

I look at some people and wonder how they can behave so differently (to me) in their lives and then I realise that the fundamental truth is that they hold a different set of beliefs to me, and their lives and experiences radiate from that central belief at their core – as does mine; we just exist on separate forks of the road which we have decided was best for us individually.

The more I thought about this statement the more I came to the same conclusion.

As an individual each one of us may have single-handedly created our own belief system or we may have plugged into another, wider set of beliefs, either way if our experiences are consistently causing us trauma and distress we need to either change our behaviour or our beliefs. I can’t see any other way.

If we choose to persist in a state of ‘resistance living’ then it is like we are permanently in a gym environment using the long-life high quality durable resistance bands (that are designed to exist perpetually) as we use our bodies to fight against the weights we have chosen to pull against. With resistance training and resistance living the tension is constant – and anyone can take part at any time. It’s all based on belief.

Our impressions of ourselves are informed by our beliefs.

Our experience of our existence is founded on our beliefs.

If the resistance living is causing too much distress we can choose to change the tools we use, we can change the belief systems that we live by. Thus doing will alter the impressions we have of ourselves and each other.

“Judgements are what cause experience to be painful.”

Harry Palmer

Being present

Here’s a question I asked myself ... Do I think about and talk more to people who are physically distant from my life than I do about or with those who are present – actually here with me right now?

My answer is ... a secret. What’s your answer?

Actually my real answer is that sometimes I do find myself thinking my moments with people away because my mind has travelled elsewhere. However, I have learnt to pay attention to what is happening to me now, to be aware of what I am thinking, to be aware of what I am doing and who I am with at any given time.

This means that I am present in the present. And the more I do it the better I get at it. I have benefited from this practise. I’m sure those around me have also benefitted as well.

You see ... being present is a present to me.

Just what the doctor ordered

There are pockets of time when I’m just tired. Plain and simple tiredness.

When I am lost in these cul-de-sac periods I often just want to cry.

You see, I get tired of stuff – all kinds of stuff. Things that don’t matter one iota one day can suffocate me the next.

What has brought all this on? That’s a question I asked myself just now. But I think I’m even too tired to think about it in any great depth because ... I’m just tired.

Following a deep breath I exhaled and some reasons dashed across my mind like a startled deer in front of my car headlights on a dark country road.

So here are some of them:

I get tired of taking the initiative. Sometimes I also want to be surprised.

When I hear the same conversations regurgitated I just want to yawn. My heart yearns for some challenging thoughts to stimulate me.

Quite frequently I annoy myself because I get tired of trying to fix something that I didn’t break (I am still learning to let things go) – especially when nobody else seems to care that it has been broken.

I am drained because right now I don’t have a ‘go-to-person’ to go to with my questions. My reservoirs are running low and I’m all out of answers today; it’s exhausting to keep going when you’re running near empty.

I weep without tears at the sense of unidentifiable emptiness; it drains the already vacant void.

I am tired of being in control. I long for a chance to relax in the back seat for a refreshing change.

Maybe I need to both cry and rest for a while then I can move past this tiredness because it’s just making me weary.

I’m glad there is a holiday around the corner ... just what the doctor ordered.

Maybe when I wake up tomorrow this feeling of tiredness will disappear as quickly as so many night-time dreams. And when the sun rises, so will my energy levels – tiredness will then be banished.