AWOL

It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to blog. Some of the reasons have been because I have not wanted to write what was on my mind but many of the other reasons – the main reasons - are because I just couldn’t. 

Whatever the cause for each day I have been missing from the blogsphere, I have, in effect, been AWOL.

(The missing blogs will be posted as I get back into the swing of things along with new ones that are being created at this very moment.)

Many thanks to those who have kept visiting my blogs while I’ve been AWOL and, just for you, I will keep the entries up to date as much as I can.

The main reason for the dearth of entries has been a virus.

After joining the world in a mass celebration of family and love nearly two weeks ago, I was struck down by a pesky bug that has refused to leave me. I know that I embrace most things, but this particular one I have started to abhor.

I don’t dislike many things, but I’m not holding back in my dislike of this.

Sorry.

I wish the virus was AWOL from my body now!

Blogging and psychology

My once private thoughts are transferred by my fingertips to my blog. I work stuff out as I write it. My internal observations are transformed into words that somehow manage to convey the jumbled up bits and bytes that pulsated through my head some time ago.

After all this time I still do it. Why?

Well, blogging is airing my psychological laundry in public.

I get a buzz from seeing the metaphorical shirt-tails blowing to and fro on the waves of the web. Whether it is a stormy southwesterly or a cold northern breeze, it feels satisfying to put my thoughts on virtual paper.

Sometimes there is confusion raging in my head and when I talk about it, and sometimes write about it, it gains its own form of clarity and cleanness of being.

I blog because it’s my self-prescribed therapy ... and it’s still working!

Brave or stupid?

This is a DIY blog. You get to fill in your own examples. I know. How kind of me! I thought so, too.

This will sound a bit general because I don’t want to influence your way of thinking about your own situations, so here goes.

I was thinking about a situation when I did something, and the reason why I took this particular action was because I really wanted to believe that the world is a wonderful place. (It’s at this point when things can go one of two ways – choose your own ending.)

Path A: The choice I made blew up in my face and I felt stupid. It was then that I realised that they world was not as good as I had hoped it was. People said that I was stupid – it was confirmed; I knew why I didn’t take risks after all. I went back to reserved living. I questioned my sanity at believing any different.

Path B: The choice I made turned out wonderfully! I was proud of taking the risk and people said that I had been brave. I believed that there was a chance of something different, something better and I went for it. It was in that moment that I knew why I dared to take the risk at all. I was glad that I believed that there was an alternative. I applauded myself for being wise.

I find it sadly amusing that people often don’t do things because they don’t want to be seen as stupid when they have just as much chance as being seen as wise and brave... and feeling fulfilled in their dream.

So what, really, is being brave or stupid?

500 blog posts

Well, there you have it. I have done over 500 posts on this particular blog. I also call them mind dumps, not sure what you call them.

I started this one in 2008. I had almost a year blog-free then I returned with tentative steps and ... I haven’t looked back since then.

Blogging has become an interesting part of my existence. I enjoy it because it is another means of self-expression.

This Living Now blog is like a selected catalogue of my life and thoughts. It has grown in frequency and detail over the past year. The other blogs that I also write have also experienced growth spurts: Happy Every Day, AskMorg and Personal Object Lessons are like my baby blogs that have grown out of this parent site. I love them all, although I do lavish different amounts of attention on them because they have – just like children – different times when they need to express themselves.  

I will continue to blog (share my personal therapy) with you all because ... well, I like it. I hope you do too.

Rear view mirror

I can’t remember the last time I went to the hairdressers, this is because I do my hair myself. My locks take a lot of time to re-twist but it’s a task I have gotten used to over the years. One of my sisters used to do my hair before I grew my locks – as she is a trained hairdresser, and the only person I felt comfortable with doing my hair. So, I guess I really should say ... I can’t remember the first time I went to the hairdressers, because I have never been to have a stranger do my hair.

The point of all this is that when you are at the hairdressers you spend a lot of time talking to them in mirrors. In the normal interaction between a customer and a hairdresser there is not a lot of face to face contact. As the customer sits facing the mirror the stylist will look at them through their reflection.

Taxi drivers are also adept at carrying on conversations through mirrors. They ask you intimate details about your life, and because you are unlikely to meet them again, the normal personal reserve is abandoned. You spill the most highly guarded facts about yourself as the journey progresses. Then you walk away from the cab without another thought about what the driver thinks about your revelations.

It is the same with the hairdresser or barber – because you are not looking directly at them you feel free to share amazing personal facts. This is how I sometimes feel about blogging: I am neither embarrassed nor inhibited here. I feel that this is my intimate space for myself and I’m willing to share it with ... anybody who glances in and sees what I am currently reflecting about myself and my world.

I guess I am blogging through a rear-view mirror.

Why do I blog?

Sometimes I ask myself why I do this ... web log, blog, writing online. And the answer is always the same. I do it for myself (but I am not adverse to others reading it as well – hence the reason why I chose this media).

When I write hidden thoughts and feelings find their way to the page. For me writing strips away all tiredness and worry. Writing is like running the 100m race when I was at school: total freedom and expression of my true self.

Exhale.

Scribe.

Live.

For me, writing is a purity of being – a true expression of me, now.

I do.

Why blog?

I saw this on a friend’s Facebook page a few weeks ago and it made me think about why I blog.

I’ve always written my thoughts down as far back as I can remember I’ve been writing.

But after laughing about it, then worrying for a nanosecond in case it was true, I have been doing the usual amount of writing and putting more of it onto my blogs. So that picture has been an incentive to keep going, to keep sharing my thoughts. The main reason is because I know it’s not necessarily true as I do have friends ... I’m sure I do.

Just need to get away from the computer and find them ...

I’ll be right back.

(But I’m just going to check Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter before I go.)