Beliefs

Have you ever tried to un-believe something that you know is true? Is there any point in this attempt?

I don’t think so.

The only point in looking at a belief is if there is any doubt, if you don't really know if it is true. 

My thought process went along the following lines: do I really know that this is true? Are there any other things that might be better for me than this? How will I find out if this is the truth I’m supposed to believe if I don’t look at other options?

If something is true, especially if you know it to be true, then trying to make it otherwise is a perfect waste of time. Take, for example, a spiritual belief or the fact of love – to me they’re both the same type of belief.

You can look at it from any angle and pull it to bits by analysing it intensely and the result will still be the same, you just can’t get away from the fact that it is a fact for you. Well, that’s how it is for me anyway.

I’ve asked myself why I believe certain things, why I love certain people and the conclusion is the same: there is no other option for me. And, believe me, I have looked long and hard at various options.

It’s not like I’m trying to escape my spirituality or to get away from the love I know, it’s just that sometimes I do wonder if there is another way for me, another choice. So I had a look.

I have had long looks at different options and I’m pleased to say that I still believe ... in love (spiritual and emotional). And, it’s all good.

Have you ever tested the truth and the foundations of the things that you believe in?

Should you ever question love? I did. I had to, because I didn’t understand why I retained such deep affection for people and ideas when my logic was directing me to look at different options.

I believe in love and spirituality even more now than I did when I started questioning my beliefs. It really is ... all good. What I believe is all a part of who I am. That’s what I believe anyway ...

Acting at happiness

I used to act at being happy for a long time.

I didn’t know how to handle my sadness, so I just mimicked the happiness I perceived or believed was around me.

I sold myself the lie that busyness was the same as happiness.

It may not surprise you that the packaging of this untruth (as my father used to say) was unable to hold the sadness at bay.

There is always a crack. The real feeling comes seeping through. And all at once the happiness facade is like a broken window.

Now, I do have sad moments, but I have more happiness than I ever dreamed possible.

I know this is the truth for several reasons.

One of them is a simple thing. It is the look of peace on my face when I go to bed each night. As I leave the bathroom and reach for the light switch I have recently seen such serenity that I send a smile to my reflection’s heart.

I am happy. It shows.

Heart speaks

The contents of your heart will be evidenced from the things that you say and do. This much I know is true.

In the same way that your body can speak, so does your language along with your behaviour.

Some things have different properties. How it is used in your life is partially up to you. One example of this is the Aloe Vera plant, this simple looking specimen is used for its many healing and slimming attributes, but it has also been known as Bitter Aloes because of its pungent flavour on the palate.

I’ve heard of children in Jamaica who were so keen on thumb sucking that they had the sharp and bitter juice of the Aloe smeared on their thumbs to cure them of this social pariah before they went to school. This was a reversal of bitterness. This unpleasantness was obtained from an external source and taken in by the, initially, unsuspecting child.

When the children became aware of the negativity that the Aloes gave them they changed their behaviour; they stopped sucking their thumbs.

In the same way, when bitterness and negativity attack you from an external source, if you don’t want to continue to be affected by it, then you have to change your behaviour. This may be a physical or an emotional change.

I have seen relationships change and the hearts that once professes undying love becomes like nests of vipers. The venom from these attacks always causes pain. So, it is my suggestion that:

“When bitterness seeps into someone's heart, ugliness pours out in actions and deeds. Don't stay around to be contaminated by them.” MHM

Proof?

Head.

Banging against a brick wall.

Sometimes with some people, it seems like this is all I am doing. To me it gets a bit pointless – and very painful!

They (you know, the invisible crowd that is them) say that my reality cannot be true.

They say that there is no proof for what I assert to be true.

You want proof?

I’m the proof! See me.

Beliefs are fixed

Well that’s a contentious statement if ever there was one. If beliefs are fixed then as soon as we accept one set of beliefs we might as well close ourselves off from the rest of the world – I mean, from all those people who hold separate and different beliefs.

It is easy for me to scoff at the initial statement but I was wondering the other day about how I handle my beliefs in reality. I acquired a set of beliefs from my parents. Then I obtained some more from the school system and friends. After that I continued to layer beliefs into my life as I went through work and further educational environments. Alongside all these beliefs I was constantly having my initial beliefs reinforced by my family.

Then I realised that if I never questioned any set of beliefs I was not going to improve my understanding of the world, of my world and especially my place in the world.

So I questioned my beliefs. It is a healthy thing to do, trust me: that’s what I believe anyway ... but it’s up to you to question it and see for yourself.

The truth

You know those court scenes when the witness or the defendant takes the stand? You see them stand there with their hand on some holy book and they state, “I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.”

Well, I was wondering, isn’t it because somebody hasn’t told the whole truth that the court is in session in the first place?

All court cases are built on the fact that there is some kind of disagreement as to what the truth of the matter is. The use of the opening statement means that there is an expectation of lies and deception. With the person saying these words it doesn’t automatically alter anyone’s desire or intent to lie.

In court, as with elsewhere in life, you live your own truth dependent on your social relationships and your plans for the future.

Lies are a personal social barometer.

What is your reading today?

A personal Hollywood set

It has come to my attention through extensive research (of myself) that pretending is not a good thing. In fact I’ll go as far as concluding that pretending is a bad thing, a very bad thing.

Pretending is after all a lie.

And I for one cannot remember any time that a lie proved to be a good thing in my life.

In my life some webs of pretence were not initiated by me, but I used to buy into them because I didn’t want confrontation or the possibility of upsetting anybody; so I took the upset to bed with me at night. The silent tears moistened my pillows for years. And each day I would wake up and assume my role in the pretence again. At times I felt as if I were in a Hollywood movie. The only thing was it was real.

It may sound harsh to say that pretence is a lie but I can’t see that it is anything else. And as I said, I have done extensive research on this subject (see above for the statistics).

Actors get paid millions to pretend to be someone else on the set. No film is being made about my life, this is it: this is my real life. Realising that (at the right time) one day I decided to shed the heavy cloak of pretence and started to walk free – as me. Some of the people who had walk-on parts in my life left the stage. It’s different and it’s all good.

This leads me to ask ... why pretend it’s all right? What’s the point? It’s a waste of time and energy. It's the wrong way (for me) to be.

If you want some fictional action - go see a movie, don’t live it.

Persuasion

I think I’ve got a problem with persuasion as I seem to have spoken about it quite a lot lately. If it’s not someone persuading me then it’s me persuading myself out of something – or into something.

The only down side is that I know that if I can be persuaded one way or another then I really don’t have any self-confidence in my own opinion. How sad is that? Do you feel for me? I hope so because I’m only writing this to elicit cries of “Poor Marj!” “Bless her,” and other comments in a similar vein. Has it worked?

I was tempted to think that I didn’t really know what I believed but the truth is I really do. I am sure on this matter. So, if you did share some sympathetic words for my perceived plight I thank you from the depths of my heart. When I was in a temporary flux (between the fifth and sixth line of this blog) I could have been persuaded to believe that my life was following similar plot lines as those in Jane Austen’s Persuasion. I am sure nothing quite as dramatic is happening and that maybe I am blowing things out of all proportion to the reality that I am in.

My final thought on this is that when you feel something on both mental and physical planes, then you really do know, don’t you?

I think I can be persuaded that this is true.

Running to a lie

Yesterday I wrote in my notebook that it was the end of another month. A quarter of the year has already gone into history. I am looking back into my history and I see repeated patterns of behaviour.

I have a long history of running away from things – there are many, many examples of this. In contrast I have a single history of running towards something – what does that tell me?

The running away is comfortable and easy; it is a familiar lie. The running towards was my truth. No matter what the future brings, that will always remain true.

“Every relationship is reciprocal ... when you touch something it touches you."

Fringe, season 3, episode 11.