Is it time to change my timeline?

I like words. I guess that’s why I play Scrabble and other word games. But I like words more than for gaming purposes. I like words because they identify feelings, emotions and concepts in more different ways than I am able to be emotionally fluent in.

The Bible is full of words and I like reading it and understanding the concepts behind the stories and the messages held in those 66 books. I also really enjoy the works of Shakespeare, Milton, Blake and several more modern writers. The words seem to caress my soul with their beauty.

Often I feel I don’t have enough time to enjoy the wonder of books but I do manage to read something each and every day, and for that I feel blessed. I plan to make more time to read ... however, when I think about ‘making time’ I am drawn to the concept of what time is. I questioned ‘what are the ancient meanings of time’?

We are all familiar with chronos time: this is chronological or sequential time and many of us just watch as our individual life clocks go from one end to the other and eventually fades away. Then, that’s it, our life is over and we’ve stayed on the single track all the time. We’ve satisfactorily followed the timeline we’ve been given.

Less familiar is kairos time: this is an indeterminate time when something special happens. Some people have been known to say that kairos time is specially appointed time linked to the purpose of God. I then wondered what God would want for me and the answer always seemed to come back to happiness and fulfilment in one form or another.

I wonder if today it is time to alter you timeline and follow the special purpose of God in your own life; is it time to deviate from following the chronological path that so many people take but do not enjoy?

When I recently heard the words “it’s time” I knew that these words were like releasing the chains that held me because I was immediately freed from the past and I am now living in love right now. Part of my life purpose is to be free, happy, fulfilled and loved. I’m glad I heard the words and decided to jump tracks into my time!

Is it time to change your timeline?

All the world’s a stage

It is said that everybody role plays – at least a lot of the time they do.

Occasionally an outgoing personality is created to hide a certain fear or it may be part of a desire to be different.

Everybody’s identity is a constantly morphing reality depending on who they are with or who they are not with.

When alone some people can be the happiest or saddest that their beings can express, and yet, when they are in the opposite situations the emotional character creation also changes.

From Shakespeare's As You Like It, 1600:

JAQUES:
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.

If, according to Shakespeare, all the world is a stage, then I suggest you play it ... As You Like It.

Slow motion

Have you ever been so tired that the day seems to move in slow motion? Well, what I really mean is that you move in slow motion and the day carries on at the normal speed that to your tired brain seems like a high speed train.

I had one of those days.

Even after I had ‘caught up’ on my sleep with a power nap I still felt as if I was wading through porridge with full scuba diving gear on; the flippers were especially hard to move. My legs felt like lead for most of the day. I’m sure my brain was sending the correct messages to all of my limbs but they just weren’t responding as I expected them to.

And then, a miracle happened! Hours after my 40 winks I was suddenly alert again. It was like being in a plane surrounded by fog and flying through it into bright sunshine; it was as if I had a sudden caffeine boost (but I’ve never had coffee so I’m only guessing here). I was, of course, pleased to feel in full control – at the correct speed – of my faculties. The only thing was ... it was nearing my bedtime! Ah, the vagaries of the body.

I think I’d best start treating my body better again because this pease pudding living is like constantly existing in slow motion – it’s definitely not for me.

Just what the doctor ordered

There are pockets of time when I’m just tired. Plain and simple tiredness.

When I am lost in these cul-de-sac periods I often just want to cry.

You see, I get tired of stuff – all kinds of stuff. Things that don’t matter one iota one day can suffocate me the next.

What has brought all this on? That’s a question I asked myself just now. But I think I’m even too tired to think about it in any great depth because ... I’m just tired.

Following a deep breath I exhaled and some reasons dashed across my mind like a startled deer in front of my car headlights on a dark country road.

So here are some of them:

I get tired of taking the initiative. Sometimes I also want to be surprised.

When I hear the same conversations regurgitated I just want to yawn. My heart yearns for some challenging thoughts to stimulate me.

Quite frequently I annoy myself because I get tired of trying to fix something that I didn’t break (I am still learning to let things go) – especially when nobody else seems to care that it has been broken.

I am drained because right now I don’t have a ‘go-to-person’ to go to with my questions. My reservoirs are running low and I’m all out of answers today; it’s exhausting to keep going when you’re running near empty.

I weep without tears at the sense of unidentifiable emptiness; it drains the already vacant void.

I am tired of being in control. I long for a chance to relax in the back seat for a refreshing change.

Maybe I need to both cry and rest for a while then I can move past this tiredness because it’s just making me weary.

I’m glad there is a holiday around the corner ... just what the doctor ordered.

Maybe when I wake up tomorrow this feeling of tiredness will disappear as quickly as so many night-time dreams. And when the sun rises, so will my energy levels – tiredness will then be banished.

Now ... Didn’t I do well? Clap your hands!

According to Howard Jacobson, author of The Mighty Walzer, some people never grow up.

Jacobson was talking on the BBC Radio 4 programme The Book Club on 2/1/11. He said that if anyone who is essentially a child in an adult’s body, were to “forever go on seeking applause” then he wasn’t at all sure if that person would be able to give genuine applause and praise to others. His prime example was if one became a parent and was then unable to handle the ‘competition’ for attention from their own children.

I guess that makes some sense.

In some respects I agree with him, but only if you have the desire to always be the centre of attention, the headline act.

When people are prepared to work as part of the chorus line – without which many shows would fall completely flat – then I think that there is justification in them saying, “Didn’t we do well? Clap your hands!”

The entire cast can then take a bow, join hands and accept the recognition for success, together.

Sometimes, it can be your time to stand alone, centre stage, accepting the applause.

There is a time for everything.

Ecclesiastes 3 v 1 – 8

¹To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

²A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

³A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

⁴A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

⁵A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

⁶A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

⁷A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

⁸A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Short selling and cheerleading

I think that each time we try something new we go through an initiation routine. We are constantly capable of learning and always gain valuable experiences but we are also so good at selling ourselves short. So often we can see the talent, skill and great personality of any other person, but when it comes to ourselves, we become blind, dumb and deaf to our abilities.

When you value something you look after it. When you value yourself you treat yourself well.

I have decided to become my own cheerleader because I have been guilty of short-selling myself to myself.

I will, from this day forward, give myself credit where it is deserved. I will remember the things I have learned, the things I have experiences and the feats I have accomplished.

Rah rah!

Keeping time

I got my watch fixed today. That may not sound like a big deal to you but it meant me going back into the world of time keeping. You see, for the past three years I have be largely watch-less. I do, as most people, have a mobile phone that I use to refer to for the time, but it is not quite the same as a watch.

As I left the watchmakers with the newly repaired timepiece loosely strapped on to my wrist I was immediately conscious of the time. The woman in the shop said to me, “I’ve set the date and time for you.” I, in the usual ritual of shop transactions, said “thank you” several times as I handed over the watch, then the money, then took the guarantee. I repeated my thanks one last time as I left the shop and looked at the time on my hand.

I checked the time several times before I reached the end of the shopping parade. As I did so I reflected back into the past. The watch no longer reminds me of a time when I was tied to time. Although my days are still regulated in a ritualistic fashion goverened by the school time-table, I still have a fair amount of flexibility in my working day. A few years ago everything was strictly limited by what time it was; it was not, however, my timetable. Back then I was marching to the beat of somebody else’s schedule. My time was not my own.

Now, with the watch again on my wrist I feel that I have been sucked into the mainstream of society again. But, this time, I can – in some small way – better control the use of my time to suit me.

It was my choice to get it fixed, but I have doubts about how much I will be wearing it in the coming days.

Maybe it is just a case of getting used to the feel of it on my wrist again ... who knows? I’ll see how I feel about keeping time in a week or so.