Saturday, 11 February 2012
Goodbye isn’t easy
Friday, 11 November 2011
Remembering ... my brother
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
Mountains of Pleasure and Valleys of Loss
Let me start this off by saying I have a good life, I really do. But sometimes, in the middle of the mountains of pleasure that I experience for the majority of the time, I can fall into the deep, deep crevasse that is my personal valley of loss.
It is a long way down. I don’t know when I will stumble into it, but when I do I just stay still and cry.
The tears that flow do not trickle out of me, they pour rapidly and my body shakes with the immense pain of the loss. And it’s not just one loss that I feel when I am temporarily trapped in this valley: it is all the losses of all my time. I feel total devastation.
This is not a trite recollection of some ancient time. This is fresh.
I am in the valley now.
I have been here before. However, I do know that my tears will provide the leverage to float me free of my depths and I will once again walk the mountain paths.
A memory triggered me and I slipped. Losing my footing I went into free fall. I’m not sure whether it was the bruising on the way down that hurts my chest now or the actual pain of ejecting the tears from my body, but I ache as I cry.
As I fell I reached out for something to save me, alas all I caught were more links to losses in my life and they tumbled down the valley with me.
As I sat, dejected on the floor, the images of people and places flickered before me. They will never be replaced, they are gone – forever. And that is why this journey into loss hurts so much each time it catches me unawares.
It is hard to see clearly as my eyes are filled with water, but my heart also replays the images with no loss of definition. So I remember it all.
And then, suddenly, I breathe. I exhale.
I notice the tears have stopped and I have the strength to stand again.
Falteringly at first I do stand up and then, looking up to the brilliant skies and welcoming faces that are peering down to me from the top of the mountain, I begin to climb back to the top. The people in my life now are calling me back; they are willing me to quickly ascend the valley to be with them. I smile and wipe away the tears as I climb.
It does not take too long before I am again on the mountain enjoying the pleasure with my friends and loved ones.
The loss is always there and I know that sometimes I will fall back into it. I also know that I always rise again.
Thursday, 4 November 2010
Good times and bad times
Recently it must be said that I have been feeling sorry for myself because I had a cold. Yes, that’s all it was, a cold. It was at times difficult to function because I couldn’t breathe or see properly but, as with all things, I knew that it would pass. You see, I’ve had colds before and they have also passed. Anyway, this one day I was finding it particularly difficult to concentrate and I felt like I had a bit of a temperature but regardless I needed to get some groceries so I went to the supermarket and selected the few essentials that would keep us going for a few days.
I was minding my own business. I was in my own world. I was wallowing, quite happily, when a chain of events happened that altered my view of my situation.
I held the corner of the magazine in the tips of my fingers. I had seen it slipping off the conveyer belt as the purchases of the woman in from of me inched towards the cashier. I didn’t plan to catch it. I just did.
There was a split second between me catching sight of it and the catch. I moved quickly and precisely. Both the cashier and the shopper ahead of me turned with looks of wonder on their faces.
“Good catch!” the mystery woman with the bright blue eyes exclaimed. She smiled at me.
I shrugged and placed the magazine back on the belt.
The cashier turned to me and questioned, “Are your reflexes always that quick?”
I hesitated and mumbled a reply. I didn’t know. I just caught something that was falling. To me it was no big deal. But to them it was a matter of wonder and conversation. People were looking at me and smiling. I just wanted to get the few items of shopping and leave. Despite my reluctance to draw attention to this small feat – it was after all a magazine and not a baby that I caught – I spoke to the cashier as he was scanning my items. He was very friendly and wanted to talk to all his customers.
When I reached for my receipt and change I caught a glimpse of his name badge; I had never seen that name before: Awaab.
“That’s a name I’m not familiar with,” I said as I tried to pronounce it.
My efforts were greeted with another broad smile. “That’s right,” he grinned, “you said it right.”
“Where does your name originate?” I asked as I put my things away.
“The Koran.” His answer was short and succinct.
I pressed him for more information while the customer behind me was unloading his purchases from his basket.
“What does it mean?” I gently questioned as I could sense that he anticipated a lack of interest once he had mentioned a Muslim name. He was obviously reluctant to say more without some feeling safe.
The relief on his face was clear when he realised that I was genuinely interested.
“It means that means you remember God in good times ... and in bad,” he smiled.
“I like that,” I responded, “something to really remember. Thank you.”
With that I said goodbye and let the next customer pay for his goods. As I picked up my bag Awabb turned back to me and gave me the thumbs up sign.
Monday, 1 November 2010
Manflu
If I were a man I could claim I had manflu. Men even have a support websites with paypal!
As it is I am a woman, a mother, and I have work to do... so I just have to get on with it.
Oh, to have the excuses that the weaker XY chromosome holders have. Then I could open this package.
As with my male counterparts all sympathy and offers of tea, chicken-soup or the like are welcome.
Achoo!
In the meantime I’ll just be unwell between my chores ... or when I’m sleeping.
Now that’s a good idea. Zzzzz
Thursday, 29 April 2010
Lethargy and dust…

Lethargy can cause a build up of dust.
If you become tired, listless, or fatigued the relatively minor problem of a few specks of dust can easily be ignored. Then the lethargy can become a parallel problem with the dust as they both build.
Dust and the lethargy may both seem insignificant at first but if you ignore either for too long it is a major task to shift it as together they increase to seemingly unmanageable proportions.
When you are exhausted – of everything – the last thing you want to do is to dust! The effort to remove the mental fatigue from your body becomes an arduous job. It’s hard to think when you can’t think.
Being lethargic can mean you just can’t be bothered to move any more. A state of drowsiness overtakes you. Your mind wants to stop processing information or making good decisions. When the tiredness is extreme you can exist in a state of indifference. Then the dust is insignificant – if you acknowledge it at all!
If at all possible it’s best not to let either nutritional lethargy … or dust, get a foothold in your life.
I’m off to dust …
Popular Posts
-
Some women (and men) stand up for their convictions whatever the consequences. Thus it was with Vashti. I believe she may have been t...
-
Prisons are not places that people usually choose to go to. However, some people who have relative freedom can find themselves locked int...
-
Change is constant. Nothing new in that statement, I’m sure you will agree. After all we are all aware that everything is changing ar...
-
Fear is personal. My fear is not your fear … it may be similar but it’s never quite the same. Fear is changeable. What makes me afraid ...
-
Warning *** This is not a short ‘normal sized’ blog entry *** (for the shortened version please go to this blog at Happy Every Day) I sa...


