Well, another month is here. Another step into the new year and all I am doing is remembering the past. Just last month masses of people all began to look forward to the new decade, new year, new start. I joined in as well. It's easy to go with the crowd. However, some things pull on my heart and mind a great deal more than prospects of the future (but, don't get me wrong, I am looking forward with hope and great anticipation).
Past loves, people who I have lost contact with, friends who I thought would be in my life forever. I sometimes sit and wonder where they are. Why we don't speak any more. Is it best to leave it all well alone?
I guess some of it is about accepting that I just did not fit into their lives the way they wanted me to. I still miss them though.
I am really, really bad at letting people go.
Maybe it's because I had to let go of my mother really early (when she died) and I didn't manage that at all well. Still not managing it well now. Who knows?
Sometimes I regret decisions I made that have led to this loss but I must accept that I made the choice at the time - whatever it was I did, I chose it - and there must have been a good reason then, even if I don't remember it now.
I will stop beating myself up and start making room in my life for new friends, new memories and happy times.
I will not, however, ever forget the past loves. My life is forever marked with our times together - and I miss you, still.
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