Flood barriers

When your heart has been flooded with emotion and you really can’t take any more there is a tendency to hastily erect barriers against the deluge. The only problem here is that these temporary structures may soon become permanent fixtures in your emotional landscape.

How do I know? This has happened to me.

I did it to myself. I knew that I did it, but I forgot about them as time went by because I got used to them; they felt comfortable.

I guess it’s because of my experience in building my own barriers that I went into the bridge building industry. Now, I have tried building bridges. I have even destroyed some bridges. But the barriers around my own heart now have weeds entwining the decaying links.

There is a secret gate that I use every now and then to venture out into the world, but I have found myself scurrying back to the safety of my space. When people approach me I sometimes pretend that I’m not in, or that I don’t see them. This approach makes them give up and go away. I didn’t want anyone to have too easy access to me. When I did that before it really hurt.

However, I have called in the contractors and the barriers are coming down.

It may be a long job as the foundations have become entangled with the weeds, but it will get done.

... I see daylight.

I've got to hand it to you ...

“Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.” Voltaire.

It is regularly said that life is like a hand of cards and we each have to decide how to play what we are dealt with. We can go through life ...

hands on

or

hands free.

This is not as bizarre as it may at first sound because hands are the symbol of connectivity. Parents hold their children’s hands for comfort and security. Lovers hold each other’s hands as a sign of closeness and continuing affection. In many cultures you shake hands when you first meet someone and often when you say goodbye.

When troubled times arise the hand of friendship is offered as an expression of peace.

In ancient times (and in some recent times – as with Prince William and Kate Middleton) people who plan to marry have asked for the other’s hand in marriage.

The hand we use can be negative or positive. It is said that you can’t shake hands with a clenched fist. History records many signs of workers uprising against oppression as having a raised fist in their protest banners. The use of the hand can be a very physical presence in our lives or it can be a verbal presence. Comments that can cause intense pain are sometimes referred to as off-hand. These words are as sharp as barbed wire pulled across an exposed arm.

The symbolism of the hand is potent in all societies.

No use of the hand is as powerful as when it is used in love. With love the hand can placate heated situations, it can intervene and assist those who need help (and sometimes those who don’t know they need or feel they want it – especially children), it can symbolise support and strength, and it can be used as a promise of faith, honesty and integrity.

When we want to separate ourselves from people we get into a ‘hand off’ position. This is when we are not touching anymore and we adopt a position where we are no longer responsible for the other person. Parents say their children are ‘off their hands’ when they leave home and assume responsibility for themselves.

I often wonder where our responsibility to ourselves and to each other begins and ends. This makes me think if we can ever truly say that we have a ‘hands off’ position with people less fortunate than ourselves? I think that the welfare of us all is linked; linked by our innate connection to each other, linked by our hands. We often exist in a state of isolated numbness that, according to the character Graham in the film Crash (2004), because people need human connections and contact when they miss it they may just crash into someone to shatter the numb feelings – even if it is for a while.

With a little imagination we can all connect in a better way that crashing into each other, we can really make the image of ‘hands around the world’ work as we reach out and touch somebody’s life with love.

I’m living a ‘hands on’ life. For me it is the only way. I remember a time in my past when I didn’t know how to ask for help properly and I imagined that people we ‘thinking’ about me when what I really needed was for someone to actually touch my life – with their hands.

Being present is a gift.

When I work with children in schools I see the difference that dedicated one-on-one time makes to their day and their life learning experiences and from this small act I know that being a hands-on person is like attending a free symphony every day.

I always get more than I give. The old proverb says “One hand can’t clap.” I think it will be great if we all started reaching out to each other to make our own beautiful music in a peaceful ‘hands-on’ way.

Then we truly can have hands around the world.

New roots

I had obviously done something wrong but was not sure what it was. Maybe it was too much water after a period of drought or maybe it was just time for the end of this particular season of growth.

All I did know was that the plant was dying – right there in front of me.

I decided to try to rescue it. Well, some of it anyway. Some of the plant was evidently beyond saving and so, gingerly, I eased it out of the plant pot and released it into the compost bag.

The bit of plant that I had retained I placed into a cup of water on the kitchen windowsill to see if it would sprout any roots so that I could try to replant it.

It is not that I am particularly attached to this plant because of its origins (it was a gift but I was not attempting this rescue to remember who had given it to me and why). I am used to the greenery in the house and I just want to give it a chance to keep growing. I didn’t feel that its time was over just yet, and the free-flowing leaves and stems just made me happy because they were unrestrained and followed their own route.

Right then I decided that if I managed to encourage the new roots then I would re-pot it and pay much better attention to it this time around. I mean, to give it what it needed to encourage its free growth, rather than to stunt it by oversight and neglect.

Today, on this bright Sunday afternoon, about three weeks had passed since I started the rescue plan, I was now used to seeing the new cuttings on the windowsill but I decided to have a look and see what was happening below the rim of the cup. I raised the still green leaves from the top of the cup and smiled broadly as I saw the many roots that had grown out from the stems that had been quite harshly detached from the main plant.

It makes me happy to know that there is still a big chance that this plant will be successfully transplanted from its original state to a new environment where it will, hopefully, grow and flourish.

As I planned the future location of this fledgling plant I thought about how in the past I have been rooted in one way or another to a particular path and when it came to a time when I had to move the transition had sometimes been uncomfortable and difficult but eventually I settled in my new position. I have had struggles at times to establish my new roots but, thank God, with patience they have come through and I have obtained a firm hold on the new foundation.

Sometimes it looked as if I would flounder and fail to survive but a new channel for my growth was presented at the correct time and I have thrived. It has often been the case – for this has occurred numerous times – that I began to lose hope in myself when my root system no longer sustained my growth. However, I did not give up and I eventually saw that a new way was opened up for me.

It is because of this plant that I am reminded to embrace new beginnings and use the strength within to navigate the unexpected times of feeling rootless and reach across the breach because new opportunities for amazing growth are waiting to be fulfilled in my life.

More on bridges and mirrors …

A wise young man recently said to me that bridges are not just to connect one area to another: they are also used as a short cut to a destination. There are good reasons why some journeys need to be shortened. Situations when time is the most important factor.

As a full-time bridge builder, this next statement may seem out of sync with my declared business: occasionally some of our bridges need to be destroyed.

The bridge may provide a link to a time and a place that we must leave behind in order to survive now. So, whether we put up a sign and barriers to the mouth of the bridge saying ‘NO ACCESS’, or we choose to completely demolish the structure, we must sometimes take all adequate steps to terminate the connection with that past area.
Then, your energies can be focused on your new direction and constructions, instead of constantly looking over your shoulder worried about the bridge to a detrimental time in your history.

Practical use of mirrors

The most common type of mirror is usually made from glass with a reflective coating applied to it. We use them to study ourselves, usually a quick glance just before going out somewhere, or upon waking in the morning. Other times we use mirrors to recognise objects behind us.
Domestic mirrors are imperfect because they absorb some of the light that strikes their surface. Self-observation in a mirror can be an uncomfortable occupation. Not many people spend a vast amount of time just looking at their self in the mirror – just to know their self. The best way to get to know ourselves is to spend time alone; to remove all distractions and listen to what our hearts are saying. We can then start to experience a near perfect reflection of our internal lives. In these quiet times we start to see and hear the murmurs of our hearts. Internal observation means no light is lost.

There is a ‘hearing’ mirror - more unusual than the regular glass based model, it is called the acoustic mirror; this device, once used to detect sound waves, and thus judge the distance of things approaching a particular location, has now been replaced by the modern radar. We each have an internal radar that warns us of potential dangers that we cannot yet see, but we often ignore it or turn it off. For the maximum benefit of realisation it is advisable to retune our radars to the setting for ultimate dream fulfilment, because too often we have allowed the true signal of our destiny to be cluttered and jammed by the minutiae of existence. When we have a clear signal we can focus on a simpler life and a more fulfilling existence.

I have been using my mirrors and bridges to enhance my experience of living now.

Bridges and mirrors

I’ve moved into the construction business.
I am a full-time bridge builder.

Bridges are built with one purpose: to connect one area to another; areas that may otherwise be lost to each other. People can build bridges to reconnect with their lost friends and family. Many people do this every day with great success. We can all join in to become a world community of bridge-builders. Building bridges is beneficial and can help people to heal and remember their similarities rather than their differences.

Words can build bridges between people. The words can make future communication easier in the life journey.
We are all travelling on the road of life and sometimes we let past hurts fester in our hearts instead of reaching out and making the first move to repair the breach in a relationship.
Why do we think that it is better if the other person makes the initial move? Is it because they did us a greater wrong than we did to them? Who can judge the extremity of the wrong in the life of the person feeling it? Wrong is wrong.

Although it is a great idea to repair the disconnection between people it must be remembered that the construction effort maybe sabotaged by others who, for their own reasons, do not want the rift to be healed. In order to protect the effort of reconciliation the bridge must be built to withstand all natural occurrences including all forms of un-welcomed sarcasm, well-timed reminders of the past pain and other destructive actions.

The construction of the bridge is important, from the foundations to the highest point. It has to support its own weight as well as the weight of everything that will pass over it or blow against it. A bridge provides a link over an obstacle or depression. You have to identify what that is in your own life. Take a look at what is missing and think of the good times when the connection was intact. This is not a time for attributing blame; it is a time to reconnect.

The completed bridge provides a reunion opportunity, a chance for the safe crossing from one side to the other, or the option to meet in the middle.
I’ve been thinking about those I want to meet again and I started out hopefully. I was not disappointed because there was another bridge builder making their way towards me.

We have built a bridge together.

It is a strong structure and I plan to do my part in the maintenance of it. It is important that with the connection we have resumed we put in new, strong foundations of mutual trust coated on opposing sides with peace and love. I have since had a few more great successes!

There are lots of vacancies in this business. The benefits are out of this world. There are no long panel interviews to attend either. You just decide you want to do it and start. It’s as simple as that.

The brilliance of this position is that you can do it right where you are! You don’t have to relocate or travel great distances – that is optional, depending on the bridge you choose to build.

The mirrors?
Well, the mirrors are there to reveal the beauty in our own eyes.