Locked in

Prisons are not places that people usually choose to go to. However, some people who have relative freedom can find themselves locked into certain prisons.

I have discovered that there are situations where fear can imprison you and you remain as securely isolated as if you were being prevented from escaping by bars, locked doors and armed guards in surveillance towers.

Poverty is also a way of efficiently preventing people from moving from their current situations. Some circumstances can be altered by sheer will power, others may need more assistance.

If there is a way out of incarceration I’m always going to take it. I will make my own escape plan and  - if the opportunity arises – I will work with others to leave the cells of destruction, but I will not remain locked in - it’s not healthy.

Baggage

When travelling we pack our bags and take our luggage with us. The light and easy items we take with us into the body of the plane. This is our hand luggage. However, if we have large amounts of things they go into the hold, often thrown in - sometimes without the slightest modicum of care - by the baggage handlers (but that is another story I’m sure everyone has a tale to tell on that score). We are always moving with something as we travel through life. Something from the past constantly accompanies us as we move forward to the next destination. Be it in the overhead compartment, within easy reach, or in the hold, for retrieval at a later stage, our stuff goes with us.

Sheryl Crow said earlier this month “hey, at my age, [she’s 48] everyone comes with baggage. It’s the baggage that makes it interesting.”

Marie Claire readers have been told that baggage is emotional turmoil caused by some issue in a person’s past. This baggage can pressurise or damage a relationship from the start, so says the wisdom of the Rich Santos writing about sex and the single guy in this magazine. Rich Santos describes many types of baggage such as the ‘white whale baggage’ (Moby Dick reference), the ‘family baggage’ (obviously related to family issues), and the catch all type ‘mystery baggage’. This final grouping is for when you are not sure how to define the irrational behaviour that you are experiencing in your relationship partner. When this type of baggage is foremost in the relationship the advice is that it is easier to dismiss the person and move on because they “have too much baggage.”

Sheryl Crow says that being a 48 year old single mother of two children is seen by some people as a lot of baggage – I see it as a mother with two children: that’s it, nothing else. But then I would say that as a single mother of a similar age with one child, wouldn’t I? I don’t see the single status as baggage, I don’t see parenthood as baggage, and I definitely don’t see children as baggage. I know some people prefer to have less complicated relationships without children involved, but hey, they are part and parcel of people’s lives. To me there is no option not to have them: they are already there. Just like there is no option that people have their own life experiences and memories (aka baggage), just like there is no option that people have their personal relationship history (also known as baggage). What may simply have been defined as personal history in an earlier part of life suddenly, after the age of thirty becomes described as baggage. How strange.

Baggage, as it is commonly known, is not optional in life or relationships. Baggage is part of the tapestry of life. Baggage is life.

I have a family history, I have an emotional history, I have a child, I have life. These things about me are not optional. What I have is not “too much baggage” it is life. However others may view us, I know that we are not baggage.

Diary extracts from three years ago

Some people remind you that your story isn’t over.

Some people bring out a side of you that you never knew you had.

Some people surprise you, and once in a while you surprise yourself.

Every relationship is an experiment: you never know what you will get.

Relationships make you domesticated.

All relationships require compromise but you often get more, not less that you expected ... even though a relationship may change, there will always be a connection.

It is not required that you always know why you are here or what you believe in.

Marjorie H Morgan

2007

Usain Bolt's feet

Sure-footed. Feet first. Put your best foot forward.

Phrases that bring steadiness of progress to mind. They remind us of times when we are unlikely to slip, stumble or fall. Being stable on our feet means that there is a steadiness that is not subject to alteration or deviation. This steadiness is based on having focus on a goal. Focus brings out the capability that is often hidden within and progress increases the confidence.

Babies crawl before they walk. Then they are called toddlers. They move from the first stage of life to the next – once they begin to ‘find their feet’. Babies know that they want to move faster and more independently, and they invariably manage it with great confidence in themselves. They may achieve their goal on the first attempt but if they do not that does not deter them; babies keep on trying until they become the Usain Bolt of their own lives.

Sometimes on our way through life we stumble and fall. We lose our footing. We become disorientated and confused. At times we may feel unable to get up again. We feel lost.

When we lose our way, we have to start again – somehow. Although we have fallen we cannot stay down. We have to get up and move on. The fall may have brought on some confusion

One way might be for a few moments to focus all our attention on our feet. If we concentrate on our feet we will know exactly where we stand right now. If we can took down and feel secure after that we can look up and move forwards with assurance.

I need to get my bearings and having my feet on solid ground is the starting point. There is the old cliché to remember that every journey begins with the first step: it is true. Knowing that there aren’t physically limitations to prevent you from moving forward is important for some people before they actually make a move.

Falling is not usually a onetime occurrence. I may slip again – and that will also be OK. I can find my way, again. I just need to find my feet first and then focus on the goal ahead.

By putting in an effort that surpasses all others I am ‘putting my best foot forward’ in my life journey and I hope that I will remain as sure-footed as a mountain goat.

Unique stamps

As a child I used to love collecting stamps.

I still have my trusty, battered but precious, Stanley Gibbons Improved Postage Stamp Album for all the World’s Stamps. It brings back pleasant memories of saving pocket money and buying bags of stamps from all over the world from the classified pages in the Exchange and Mart, then waiting for them to arrive by post.

Some of the countries listed on the pages no longer exist but the stamps that are attached to the pages show that they were there once and important.

I still collect stamps.

Yes, I’m one of those people who enjoys looking at these special little pieces of paper with patterns and prices on them. The Royal Mail Mint Stamp collections are some of the more interesting new additions to my collection. I am particular about which ones I get. Not every new batch of stamps produced finds its way into my Stanley Gibbons Album.

I think the immense range of stamps that are produced around the world is a bit like the people that we have in our lives. They vary in so many ways but they all have a reason for being there. Just like the stamps in my book.

The edges of the stamps (unless mint condition) are often ripped, frayed and worn. If the stamp has been used it has marks all over it, showing where it was posted from and when it was posted. Strangely these marks all make the stamp unique and special. They tell their own story of the character and journey of that stamp. So it is with people. Like the mass produced stamps we have so much in common but we also have our unique marks and journeys to make. Our individual origin and destination is special.

The best thing that I have discovered is that we have a choice, each day, about our destination. We have the privilege to direct parts of our own journey.

The front of the stamp tells us a lot about what is popular, important, interesting or relevant at that time. People are so similar, they show you their faces but to know more about them you have to take time to know their history - where they’ve come from as well as where they’re going. Only then do you begin to appreciate the joys of your unique group of friends – and yourself.