Anglian Water gives me a husband

I answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Mrs Morgan?”

“Ms Morgan,” I reply.

“Sorry? Mrs Morgan?” The caller queries again, “This is Anglian Water.”

“OK,” I reply giving up the desire to insist on my Ms-terious status title, I pause and wait for the caller to explain the reason for the call.

“I’m calling about the order your husband placed for the plumber service...”

“I don’t have a husband.” I reply - rather too forcefully I think.

“We have the details here,” I hear clicking in the background, “Mr Morgan contacted us regarding our water efficiency service...”

“I don’t have a husband,” I repeat.

The silence from the other end of the line conveys confusion. Then there is a low mumble.

“I think,” I start to speak at the same time as the caller does a uncomfortable throat clearance so I hesitate and start again after taking a deep breath of resignation, “I think that maybe you have put the name down incorrectly.”

“Excuse me?”

“I made the order myself,” I explain “and I definitely did not put anybody else’s name down.”

“Oh! The information we have says ‘Mr Morgan’.,. I just thought it was your husband who ordered the plumber.”

“No,” I am now trying my hardest to stay calm as this caller, who is distressingly a woman, seems intent on giving me a husband, “I contacted you via your website yesterday and left my details.”

“Will you please correct the information that you have?” I ask.

She does not reply directly instead she tells me when the plumber will be in the area and asks if I (or my husband?) will be around on that date.

I wish she could have seen me shaking my head in exasperation.

I don’t need (or want) a husband I only want a plumber!

Aaargh!

Follow the spider

The sudden jerky movement caught my eye and I turned around. There was a spider. Somehow it had reached the middle of the second tile in a group on five and I’d not noticed it already. But it was slipping. It moved upwards then slipped back to where it came from.

I decided to observe it.

For long minutes it did the same thing over and over. Climbing up, slipping back, climbing up and so on.

Then nothing. It is still. I am still. What now?

The spider suddenly changes direction. It starts to move horizontally to the right. It is making great progress. I sit there and think that it has made an error with all the climbing and slipping. I think it has lost its direction. I decided to watch for a while longer.

‘Wait,’ I think to myself, ‘that’s clever!’

The spider is going upwards again. It has found a better foothold on the grouting between the tiles and is again going in the direction it started on. Now it is going at a greater speed than before. It is back on track and going to the correct destination.

A smile crosses my lips. I’m impressed.

I sit and watch it some more.

It continues up but then, just between the third and fourth tile, it stops in its tracks. Has it given up I wonder? But no, it appears it is regaining its breath and strength. Then fully renewed it continues on its journey. Occasionally it stops again, but soon it’s on its way back up the tiles. At the top of the tiles, it appears to get a new burst of life and practically sprints along the edging in a dash of triumph. Success is achieved.