In the Ark

Many people are familiar with the story of Noah’s Ark – even those who have no religious inclination know this tale.

I had reason to reconsider what it was like inside the ark when I was away from familiar surroundings earlier this week. I was not scared because of any end of the world prophecy neither was I about to be covered in a deluge of water – although it had been raining earlier that day. No, rather than that, I was thinking of the amount of love and joy that was in that structure. There was a feeling of connection, purpose and shared future right there. It weaved itself between smiles, hugs and handshakes. Everyone was joined together by an invisible but strong thread of love. I was sat inside a pub (an unusual location for me on any given day, especially a Monday afternoon), nevertheless I was aware of the way I was feeling whilst there.

Inside that pub, remote from my home, I felt more at peace and comfortable – no doubt, like the original inhabitants of the ark – than I do when I attend my weekly church service. That fact disturbed me, merely because of the alienation from peace that accompanies me in the company of people who profess to be Christians but often show habits that would not be out of place in an SS meeting.

The family and friends gathered in that pub were mostly strangers to me, yet they were genuinely warm and welcoming to me. I felt at home. I felt safe in the pub that became my ark for the afternoon.

I will continue to find safety in the mobile ark that I am constructing – according to God’s plans for my life, and I hope that I will someday replicate that feeling of safety that I experienced in the pub in more places that I frequent, especially my weekly church attendance.

Comfortable visibility

Social media is about visibility. We chose an identity and decide the level of accessibility that we want to allow. I am letting you know ... this much about this topic; this is what we more or less say. It may be what we think, what we know or even what we hope will be in the future. Any way that it happens we choose the level that we are comfortable with.

In real life we neither want to be ignored or noticed too much; we don’t want to stand out from the crowd, indeed we want to conform to the standards of the crowd.

An online identity is about being uniquely different from everyone else. Being able to manipulate your image is like decorating your home: it reflects how you feel right now. Like Gok Wan

or Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen

you choose your own level of comfortable visibility.

Sleep

They say (you know who they are – they always have something to say on every matter!) that if you have a guilty conscience then you can’t sleep at night. I sleep very well I’m glad to say. So on this point I have a tendency to agree with them.

I remember one occasion when I’d just decided to separate from my ex-partner, I had, of course, been thinking about it for some time. It was far from a rash decision. Anyway, that day I spoke those final words than broke our world into detached parts and then, after a long discussion and many tears, I went to bed. And slept - soundly.

The next morning, my now ex-partner, looked at me with amazement – and a touch of disbelief - and asked how it was possible for me to have an apparently undisturbed sleep all night. I simply believe it was because I was at peace with my decision and my conscience was clear.

Nowadays I still sleep very well, however, there are some nights when I do not want to go to bed. Don’t get me wrong, I love to sleep but often I’m not ready for bed. So I do other things to exhaust myself before I retire. On the whole they work a treat. I find that if I am awake alone then a good book is often the best way to move me from the desire to be awake to the need to be asleep.

Once exhausted I sink into the warmth of my bed and within seconds of settling down I am asleep. Bliss.

It doesn’t matter how late I go to sleep but once I connect with the pillow I am in total comfort with a peace and security that I can rest with a clear mind.

Zzzzzz

Full throttle living

Sometimes we get so close to our dreams, to our goals … then we just give up. Stop. Lay down the tools. We get within spitting distance of the finish and we pull out.

Why do we do this? Occasionally (too often) it is because we are more afraid of being successful than we are of failing. Because we doubt ourselves we do not know how we will manage the success that will ensue. The actual task in hand is one venture; the success of it is a whole new ball game. What do we do then?

It is OK to be successful. It is OK to be brilliant and talented.

It is OK to be secure in success. It is OK to be happy with success.

Failure is the fear we know, it is comfortable and oddly normal in some lives. Failure is paraded as normality while success is viewed with reverential awe and some suspicion – as if the price is too much.

Success needn’t be fearful. We are designed to be successful. Full throttle living is recommended.

Missing

Sometimes I really miss people.

You know that feeling you get that you can’t explain properly. That feeling that something is not quite right, or rather slightly amiss. What I think I mean is that it is not quite as you’d like it to be – right then, in that particular moment - to enable you to be entirely comfortable.

Well it’s sort of like that but a lot worse. It’s like an ache from a newly missing tooth. It’s like an emptiness that cannot be filled. It’s like a piece of the jigsaw puzzle that you can't find right there and then.

It is not a feeling of desperation.

It is more a feeling of gentle longing.

A feeling of comfort.

Like wanting to have a hot serving of that delicious steamed sponge pudding - spotted dick.

Like sitting huddled in a blanket in your childhood bedroom listening to the rain falling while you read Enid Blyton books under the covers.

Like lying on a garden bench, looking up at the clouds and imagining the shapes are all kinds of real things.

And, sometimes, this feeling of missing someone is something so new that you don’t quite have the right memory for it. But you know that you feel a strange void. You know that you want to refresh your memory of that person.

I feel that I want to be at peace in their company again. Nothing more. Just to share the same space at the same time.

Maybe also share a smile.

Maybe have an easy conversation.

Maybe just relax to background music.

Maybe notice the beauty of a flower on a spring day.

The feeling appears unexpectedly and … sometimes lingers.

Because something, someone, is missing …