Personal Life Lessons

I meet strangers all the time, but they do not often stay strangers. Frequently they become friends. Even those people that I meet only once have an effect on my life. Sometimes I am fortunate to have two visits with particularly special people and in those brief moments I learn some of the greatest of my personal life lessons.

I know that as I touch them, they also touch me. I hope that my impact in their lives is wholly positive, but I am not naive enough to think that I only leave the memory of perfume and roses in my wake. However, I will continue to pray that my contribution to the lives of those I am in contact with will be primarily beneficial.

Years may pass before we realise the impact a particular person or event has had in our lives, or it can be instantaneous. Each life is important, each person we meet is as important as we are. We are constantly teachers – to ourselves and others, and students.

We have daily personal life lessons to learn and live.

“Every life is a contribution. We may not see how ... Everyone comes into our lives for a reason, and it is our responsibility to learn what they have to teach us.”

Six Feet Under s2,ep5

I see ... screens

The morning school run is becoming an interesting exercise in dodging children on the pavements. Why is this? You may well wonder. Here is my assessment of this activity that has become like playing Mario Kart.

From the moment we step out of the front door we are faced with a series of ever changing tracks, we have to learn new manoeuvring tricks and each day there is a different way to play out the journey between the house and the bus stop.

From houses all over the neighbourhood children step onto the pavements that are transformed by the magical touches of their tired feet into a virtual track. As they each reach for their phones, games console or iPods the danger begins.

They are transfixed by the screen. The rules say that they are only allowed to look up at people or traffic for a maximum of 5 seconds at any one time. Too much time away from the screen results in penalties of ‘uncool’ being transferred to their loosely carried backpacks. If they obtain a certain number of ‘uncool’ points they will have to enter the school gates with their shoes completely laced up, their ties done up to the collar, trousers worn on the waist with an effective (not just decorative) belt, and the backpack carried across the back on both shoulders (something that is regarded as normal – to anyone over the age of 25) instead of the falling off the single arm style.

Talking, texting, game playing, music ... all activities are permissible as long as the head is bowed and no eye contact is maintained with any other street users. Absolutely NO looking at trees or anything resembling natural surroundings is permissible. These last categories carry the most severe penalties.

On rare occasions (in extreme weather) fingerless gloves may be worn until out of range of parental stares, otherwise they must be discarded with alacrity into the mayhem within the backpack as soon as possible.

Today I realised that being on a different track (the road – as I was driving) was potentially more hazardous because these screen-to-school players are apt to step into oncoming traffic without looking up because 

their 5 second glance tokens have all been used up within metres of their home while waiting for other players to arrive (friends?) – my observation is that when they walk and play in packs they are even more dangerous than in the single-player mode.

I really don’t like this daily game of life where all you see is ... screens.

See like doctors?

I think children and doctors are similar in their outlook: everyone is more or less the same.

I came to this conclusion while helping a child with their reading. We were going through a book called ‘How your body works’ and the concepts were clearly laid out in those small and colourful pages.

Everybody is a unique and special person and should be treated well.

We all look different on the outside.

We all have most of the same things inside of us that work the same way.

This made me think ...

What if doctors were to decide how to treat a patient having a heart attack or stroke depending on their hairstyle, their skin colour, their sexual orientation or their mobility? Would that be a good way to provide health care? The treatment needs to take in specific individual needs but generally, it’s the same approach and care process for all, isn’t it?

Learning Opportunities

Do you remember everything that you set out to learn? If you do, please tell me the secret!

I was thinking about the various learning opportunities that have occurred throughout my life and I remember one particular attempt at learning another European language. I still remember a few words and phrases but nothing substantial, and when I compared it to the amount of French I remember I tried to figure out why one was easier to remember than the other (not that I am anywhere near fluent in French).

Then it came to me that the language that has more or less slipped from my memory never had an anchor there at all. This was because I only went to the classes to accompany a friend who wanted to learn Italian because a boy she was attracted to was Italian!

I went for friendship, she went for potential love. I forgot the lessons and I’m not sure how much she remembers now – her current husband is not Italian and she lives in California, so Spanish would be more convenient to her now.

In contrast, I thought about something I am passionate about and I don’t remember when the learning started and I know that it hasn’t ended.

My conclusion is that when you have different reasons for learning the lessons can stick like glue or fall away like old wallpaper.

Motivations make the difference in learning opportunities.

Lessons learnt

When starting with a presumption instead of a fact things could go wrong. This is my lesson learnt.

“Come here. I know you did this,” I called my son from the other room. I asserted my surety as I saw something incorrectly done when I entered the kitchen. This is a situation that I have repeatedly asked him to correct and I was not pleased to see that it was not done yet again.

His confused reaction was something I chose to ignore right then – I made another presumption. Morgan approached me meekly as I stood by the scene of his supposed crime. To be fair to him, although he didn’t seem to have any clue what I was talking about he still came when I summoned her.

As I started to lay out the fine details of this repeated offence we both heard another voice pipe up from the stairs, “It was me, Auntie Marjorie, I did it. Sorry.”

Immediate shame hit me.

In that second I learnt a lesson. The first thing I did was to apologise to Morgan for the false accusation, then I thanked and praised H for owning up without hesitation even though she was aware that I was not pleased with the situation I had found.

My other lesson learnt?

Unless I see the ‘crime’ being committed with my own eyes, then I need to ask first and don’t presume to know it all.

Starting anything with a wrong presumption will invariably lead to erroneous ‘facts’ that seem cast iron truth. With good fortune, in this situation, the truth came to light quickly and I was not hesitant in acknowledging my errors: lesson learnt.

I see old people ...

I see old people.

They’re everywhere!

On the street, in the park, in the shops, in the post office. Everywhere I seem to go I see old people.

And they have this unnerving habit of looking at me. Then they smile (maybe I smile first, not sure which way it goes, but smiles are shared), after which these venerable old folk stop and talk to me. For a long time.

I think they have a plot (bit like on Dr Who) they're not just innocent harmless folk making their way along minding their own business. They are all up to something. They are linked by this mastermind plot and I want to get to the bottom of it.

When they are talking to me I can sense that they are inputting information into me. I’m sure that they are like cyborgs extracting data at the same time, but they are so clever at it, it is almost imperceptible. They call it ‘talking’ and sharing wisdom, I think of it more as global plan to do something vaguely sinister, something that I have uncovered with the code name ‘S.H.A.R.I.N.G-T.I.M.E’.

This is a warning to be wary because I understand that there are old people spreading across all nations doing the same thing as they are doing here to me.

Be very careful when you meet one of them, you may just give a hint of a smile and then you are caught in their trap. Before you know it you have learnt something that you didn’t plan to learn and it’s stuck with you forever.

If their plan works you will be transformed into one of them and start doing the same thing to innocent younger people that you meet on the streets.

Their methods are so effective that just today I found myself thinking the following thought ... “I love seeing old people. More please.”

You have been warned!

Smile at your peril.

Nature watch

Happiness is sitting in the evening sunshine watching a vixen and her three cubs playing in the hedges. The cubs play with each other and run and roll without fear. They chase birds that alight near them. They are curious about everything.

As I walk slowly forward to the fence to observe them, the mother goes onto high alert and, with ears pricked up, she faces me head on. She looks directly at me, daring me to do her cubs any harm. They have picked up on her sense of potential danger and have moved their play closer to where she is rooted to the ground. But still they play.

She watches me as I watch her. Then she slowly slinks away along the border of the trees. Her three cubs obediently follow her.

I continue to watch them. She continues to watch me. The cubs have no interest in me.

They are learning how to be ... themselves in this environment. Nature ... watching.

BST

Well it’s officially British Summer Time (BST) - we moved the clocks forward last week. And accordingly people in the neighbourhood have broken out their shorts (without checking the size from last year still fits comfortably), their sandals – or crocs (without bothering to moisturise their feet) and their short sleeve tops (without any thought to co-ordination of colours with the aforementioned shorts or footwear).

The sunglasses (mine included) have been out for a few weeks now, but since the official winter knell has been sounded we have all been subjected to an increased visibility of more pale and un-shapely bodily parts than you see on an oven ready chicken; it’s not natural or pleasing to the visual taste buds.

I think I may have to stay inside until the sun has worked its magic on the skin tone of the nation ... or they decide to buy copious bottles of moisturiser, because invariably the first few weeks of BST have a history of making me dry heave.

BST! Who wants it? Not me. I’d prefer to see (and feel) lots of hot sun then I really know that summer has arrived.

I think someone ought to inform Her Majesty’s Government that the summer does not start and end when they dictate it ... unfortunately for them the days of the empire are over and the sun independently rises and sets (and selects its own temperature dial).

Now, where did I put my jacket?

... Or should I be a good Brit and follow the local customs?

Hmmm.

Running (wo)man

Jade sat at the side of the road and slowly undid the laces of her worn out shoes. Painfully pulling them free from her feet she turned them over in her hands and she saw holes in the sole.

“That’s why it hurt so much,” she thought, “because my sole had gone.”

Jade had been running for years because she thought she had to. She was doing what she was taught was right. She didn’t know anything else. So for years she had been chasing a shadow that could never be caught. Exhausted, Jade dropped the badly worn running shoes to the dusty ground. A cloud of dirt and smoke rose to greet her. She coughed and turned around to avoid the swirls of dust.

It was then that she looked up and saw a beautiful jewel filled city. The gems were of different colours and sizes and they were fixed in that space. They glinted in the sunlight. Jade shaded her eyes as she peered towards them.

In her life she had become used to shifting mirages so doubt filled her mind as she looked towards the bright lights. Nevertheless, shifting her weight forwards Jade attempted to stand.

Her feet really hurt. And her sole was almost torn to shreds.

“How did I never notice the pain?” she mused to herself. “Will I even be able to walk now?”

One painful step at a time Jade moved towards the city of gems. To her surprise it didn’t disappear or get smaller as she approached. The ground appeared to be cushioned as she repeated her steps in the new direction. Walking barefoot was a newfound freedom.

The discarded shoes were soon blown away by the desert wind.

The story goes that the shoes came to rest in the crevice of a hill many moons away where they were found one day by the dream Jade had been chasing. It was many years later that they had even noticed that their constant shadow was gone, so they turned back but it was too late for them, the only thing they found on their search was a pair of shoes with a worn out sole.

In the meantime Jade had settled into her new city life and found a gem that suited her. It wasn’t long that she even forgot about the times when she was forever running and chasing something that was trying to shake her off.

Her soul is healing now.

Confident visibility

You have to be who you want to be to be happy; you have to be who you are to really be.

We are, after all, human beings, so we have to continue being ourselves.

Before I was confident in who I really am I was there – everywhere - but I was also invisible. People saw the part of me I projected, but they didn’t see any of the real me. I was cloaked – in the manner of the Star Trek Romulans - like a stealth fighter jet. I would move in and out of people’s lives, do what I needed to then retreat to a safe place where I would unveil myself.

Since I have invested time in getting to really know myself I have achieved confidence in my visibility because I am now standing on solid ground that I have constructed: it feels so good. I have accepted myself, totally. Life is so much better now that it was before.

While hiding vast portions of my identity I did not exist in a plane of freedom or clarity. It was as if I was living my life behind a smoke screen. I no longer live in that manner. I live clearly and freely.

My difference is not comfortable for many others, but I am not about to take on their discomfort. I lived with my own discomfort for many years. It was during those times that I wanted to stay hidden; it was my preference because of the overwhelming fear of being rejected. I would have done anything to melt into the background. Not many people desire to be wallpaper, but there were times in my past that I wished I would be as noticeable as the background wall hanging: invisible. My confidence was low because it had been constructed on shifting sands.

I am now happy and confidently visible.

I am on solid ground.

I am being ... me.

Plateaus and spikes

We create things around us to be level, even and stable. Not many people build tables, chairs or houses at an angle. It would not be practical or sustainable for everyday living. The things which stand out and are noticeable are those at an unusual position. The items with a different slant and perspective get the most attention.

Yet we sometimes exist from day to day on the same level.

When our lives are running a flatline we are neither experiencing the highs or the lows of living. We plateau through each day and year without being aware of any ripples in our existence. We live as if we are already dead. We don’t know either joy or sadness because we are afraid of taking risks. We miss out on huge chunks of life when we are stuck on the plateau.

Living a plateau life may seem like a safe option but I have found that it does not create too many memories.

Living a plateau existence is like hiding in plain sight.

Living on a plateau is like trying to find a single tree in a forest. You can be hiding but nobody knows because everything looks the same all around you.

Living a flat line life is not healthy or productive.

We need the spikes in our life.

We need highs and lows.

We need to take risks and get rewards.

What we often consider failures can also be seen as great learning experiences. These cannot be gained from flatlining.

Each action (and inaction) has its consequence.

It’s a choice – again today I have chosen to jump off the plateau of ordinary existence and experience the pleasure of life from a different and invigorating perspective.

Learning something new

Each day, it is possible to learn something new. It should be mandatory.

Today I learnt something new about my feelings and I learnt a new way to look at an old situation, a different way to approach it.
Someone suggested a fresh attitude to something and it was as if a light bulb was switched on in my head! I had an Eureka! moment ... and it was all good.

New things are not always fearless, that is an aspect that we have to deal with as we move along life's path. I believe that we are equipped to deal with these challenges because of what we gain in all our yesterdays.

I will look at this particular situation differently now. I believe it will be better for me, and all concerned.

Thank you to my friend for suggesting a novel idea. It's good to be open to receive fresh perspectives.