These are my musings and observations on my daily life, loves and the laughter that are all a part of my experience of living now in the shires of England.

Friday, 27 May 2011

Unwanted information

I have already written about those people who say, “I have to say ...” despite you not wanting to hear anything from them. They can be annoying. They can upset you. They can really hurt you when you are at your most vulnerable.

Because I have already waxed on about them I won’t do it again right now. But, I have to say ... (and this may appear to be coming from the other side of the coin) at the right time and in the right manner releasing information can be like having a boulder lifted off your arm.

If one part of you is trapped then it is impossible to move from your location until you either cut off the limb or you find a way to release it.

Once released the blood slowly flows back into your extremities, and even though there may be damage you can begin to feel like your whole self again.

When I practised this just named ‘release and be free’ exercise recently – not using a direct confrontational speech, because I’m not particularly comfortable with that, I experienced a sense of relief and the easing of a tremendous pressure. I used a seedsowers approach to distribution; however, there is one major problem with this method: you never know - until harvest - if you hit stony or fertile ground, all you know for sure is that the seed has left your hand.

I just hope that what I released was not unwanted information. There would be nothing worse that the information appearing, say as a child may turn up on the doorstep of her unseen biological father after decades, announcing “I’m yours, can you love me? I’ve loved you all the time I’ve known about you – I have this picture of you. See ...”, and expecting a miraculous union.

I have never experienced flight in a hot air balloon but when I felt release that’s what I imagined it would feel like. I had a sense of weightlessness and freedom. And the best thing of all was that because I had dared to share – in the best way I knew how, I was simultaneously wrapped in a sheen of hope: it was a delicious feeling.

Cynics say that miracles never happen but I experienced one right then.

I felt that there was hope for a different beginning. I felt happiness because I wasn’t restricted by fear; I had broken free.

It is a peculiar emotional state to be in, because it has been so unfamiliar to me, but I like it and I plan to keep hold of it.

Feeling this good, particularly if one can achieve it without hurting others, is well worth taking the chance of reaching out to hope and pushing the boulder of fear down the mountainside.

"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words - and never stops at all."

Emily Dickinson

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