Watching a programme about criminal activity I was struck, not by the hatred and violence that appeared to be the central focus, but by a phrase about the establishment of an individual map that dictates how different people give and receive love. It was suggested that this is fixed in each of us by the age of seven.
So, as is my wont, I started thinking about my own love map to see if this theory could be proven in my own experience. Most social scientists use themselves as subjects for their theories and experiments – it’s normal behaviour I think, but I’ll have to test it with a group of them ... another time.
Anyway, back to my love map. I was curious to see if who I have chosen to love was predetermined by the age of 7. I know that I fell (and remained) in love with someone I met at primary school. No, it wasn’t just a childhood crush; it was proper love that was always hidden because I didn’t know how to best express it. I went through all the pain of being close to them as they shared their partners and exploits with me as we progressed through junior and senior school. We were always close. That first love is really defining. I’m beginning to believe in this love map stuff after all.
But the theory also states that your parents (and others close to you) have a lot to do with how you, as a child, perceive and define the route your own love will take. This was my next area of investigation: it was not without some trauma, but I was prepared for that and I weathered the storm back into that part of my memory.
The conclusions that I came ashore with were very revealing. I had taken the best from my early situation and I had unreservedly rejected the worst – as you do.
So, after all that theory. Am I justified to either blame or thank my parents for my love map? They may have had a vital input however I am the one who made the pattern for my ideal partner. For that I’m happy.
I mean, how could you not be happy to love?
I love that I love the people I do, isn’t that sufficient?
This then is my love map ...
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