Father’s Day and Love

I never seem able to celebrate Father’s Day in the same way as so many other people do each year. This is not because I never loved my father, it’s more because I didn’t like him or understand him for many years of our relationship. I have grown to love him more now that he is dead but that still does not give me permission to forget the negative things that lined our relationship. Before you get all up in arms about that statement let me tell you that I have forgiven him but I’ve not forgotten – there is a difference.

My dad was amazing. I know that even more now.

I have recently discovered his first post office savings bank account that he opened when he arrived in Britain. This small slim volume details more than how much and how regularly he saved his wages. It also tells a story of love and determination. My dad came from a humble country background in Jamaica where all he owned was a couple of goats and a donkey (as he would repeatedly tell us), but he was determined to make a difference for his family. He did.

My father never became a property tycoon, however he did buy his final house outright for cash twenty five years before he died. He came a long way in physical, social and economic terms from the time he swapped the beautiful, sunny island of Jamaica for the leafy, cool countryside of England.

I didn’t really understand him that much as I was growing up but through records of his past, that I’m finding now, and pieces of memory that I have stored – but never made any sense at the time – I am piecing together a more complete picture of a truly amazing man: my father – Michael Morgan.

I grieve, with love, for my loss and previous misunderstanding of him.

My mother and the Queen

This is a story of similarities and differences.  My mother was born in 1926, the same year as Queen Elizabeth II. If my mother had lived longer than her 49 years I wonder what she would have been doing this year, the year that Queen Elizabeth celebrates her Diamond Jubilee of her reign.

These two people were born in the same year but many miles apart in different countries. Even when my mother migrated to England in the late 1950s their lives were already starkly different, despite the fact that they had been born just 3 months apart. At the time of travelling my mother, Doris Morgan, was already mother to my elder siblings – there were six small people who looked at this woman (the original DM) as the queen of their world. The other three of us would be born within five years. We would join our other brothers and sister in lifelong adoration of this magnificent woman.

Whilst my mother was settling into her position of mother and wife in the harsh English countryside, the Queen was settling into her first decade as the reigning monarch of the country and Commonwealth. The Queen was then mother to two children. They were raised differently to my family. Although mummy knew lots about the Queen, I’m almost certain that the Queen knew nothing about my mum. That doesn’t matter right now because the people who relied on mummy knew enough about her to feel safe in her protection. In a way we became like citizens of the kingdom of Doris Morgan: we were safe in her care. Her reach of benevolence did not end when her life ended, it has continued to this very day. Mummy’s love deserves celebrating and although she will never celebrate any diamond anniversary herself I am holding my own remembrance celebration for her this year.

I admire the Queen because she has stayed in the same ‘job’ for 60 years – that takes commitment to duty. My mother was so committed to her duty as a parent that she extended her roles to include working three jobs at the same time, raising her children – almost single-handed – and looking after a house and husband that was not always the most gentle man in the world. Despite these pressures Mummy still had desire to shepherd us all in the right and narrow way. She taught us to love each other despite our differences, she taught us to follow our dreams and be independent, and she taught us that it’s wonderful to tend roses when the rest of the garden is purely functional: you see, the roses showed me that it’s necessary to have spots of beauty in your life that bring you pleasure. I still do this and I will continue to make and enjoy these moments as long as I can. Additionally Mummy showed me that when times are hard you can make a way through it if you are focussed enough on your dream. This is a legacy I will remember, forever.

As I think of the days when I hugged my mother on return from school and wondered why she was wearing an anorak in the house, and why it crunched, I will remember that she smiled as she told me that wearing layers of newspaper under your clothes helped to keep you warm and it was a good thing to do. I don’t think the Queen ever had to do that. Mummy made even the seemingly bad things into a positive learning experience: that took courage and insight.

They say ‘necessity is the mother of invention’, my mother – out of necessity – made my young life simple and happy. She didn’t have to do that, but that is the enduring legacy that I carry with me today as I celebrate the year the queen of my life was born and the diamond legacy she has left for me all these years later.

I will always remember that there is a hierarchy to everything – even life. 

Commonwealth Day Celebrations

What Commonwealth? What Celebrations?

Well, this event seems to have gone mostly unnoticed. However, the Queen celebrated it by attending a Commonwealth Day Observance Ceremony at Westminster Abbey. There were also several members of the Commonwealth nations in attendance: Hugh Masekela, a South Africa musician, performed at this particular gathering of global peoples.

This moveable feast, is celebrated annually on the second Monday in March, and this year the theme was Connecting Cultures. The service in Westminster Abbey was to ‘explore the golden threads that tie together people from every continent, faith and ethnicity.’ This was achieved through a mix of world music, dance and personal testimonies to around 1,000 selected heads of states, official dignitaries, faith leaders and school children.

In the past there were national exhibitions and parties to celebrate this connection within Commonwealth countries, now there is a whisper in the British media to mark its occurrence. I wonder if the origins and links of the Commonwealth have, at last, become an embarrassment to the British monarchy and nation.

The Commonwealth (aka the colonial British Commonwealth) was first set up in 1949 with eight member countries. As of today, 12^th March 2012 - Commonwealth Day, there were 54countries that were members of the Commonwealth. It is now referred to as the modern Commonwealth because it is now an association of free and equal member from independent countries who are linked by shared values, goals and equal votes in all matters.

Queen Elizabeth II, marking 60 years as head of theCommonwealth, said: “This year, our Commonwealth focus seeks to explore how we can share and strengthen the bond of Commonwealth citizenship we already enjoy by using our cultural connections to help bring us even closer together, as family and friends across the globe."

My question is, ‘What does the Commonwealth mean to you?’ To me it does not mean anything sweet or pleasant. The bitterness of colonialism still resonates in daily life – especially in the failure to give a rounded historical account of the colonial times in British schools. This leads to ‘unconscious bias’appearing in the everyday life of people whose only real experience of African, Caribbean or Indian life comes from the Eurocentric education or the occasional story of forced economic migration heard from a grand-parent.

I don’t think that the Commonwealth ever had any respectability, I would further suggest that it has now lost all veneer of respectability. This muted celebration confirms my views.

R.I.P. Commonwealth of Nations. The wealth of nations is anything but common.

No more - Poetry by Marjorie H Morgan

No more

Instinctively the hearts knew

before the minds could speak

the nonchalant searching

through the sea

of beating souls

was matched

*

there will be

no more

            waiting.

(1996)

© Marjorie H Morgan 2012 

untitled - Poetry by Marjorie H Morgan

Because when

All is

Said and done

There is nothing to be

Added to

Relieve your

Deeds – you are a ...

(1996)

© Marjorie H Morgan 2012 

International Women’s Day – My Celebration

Some women make a big difference in a small area, other women make a big difference on a global stage. Women are making differences all the time in their homes, in their communities, in their jobs. Women’s lives are different – they speak for themselves alone and at the same time they can also speak for thousands of voiceless women who share similar stories.

One such woman, Ellen Kuzwayo, also known as ‘Ma K’, gave up teaching in 1952 when she was required to teach her pupils “what appeared to be very poisonous to their minds” following the introduction of the Bantu education act in South Africa.

Ellen Kuzwayo refused to be intimidated by the apartheid system, she found a way to make a difference as a social worker and campaigner for equality in the Transvaal. She was also a tireless activist for women’s emancipation. Ellen Kuzwayo, phenomenal woman, resisted inequality in all forms and she continually fought for the rights of women in South Africa.

I celebrate her history because she speaks for thousands of other women as well.

Another woman whom I admire and want to recognise today is Annie Lennox. She is a political and social activist, humanitarian as well as a singer, songwriter. Annie Lennox is renowned for raising awareness of HIV/ AIDS in Africa. Her work included increasing education and health care for those affected by sickness in Africa. Annie Lennox worked as an ambassador of Nelson Mandela’s 46664 campaign where she did her part to raise the global awareness of HIV/Aids, this work was also enhanced by her performance in two 46664 concerts and by her being a part of the Make Poverty History Campaign.

In 2011 Annie Lennox was awarded a lifetime achievement award at the Inspiration for Women awards ... and she’s nowhere near finished yet. Annie Lennox is also a phenomenal woman.

Phenomenal Woman - Poetry by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,   

The stride of my step,   

The curl of my lips.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,   

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,   

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.   

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.   

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,   

And the flash of my teeth,   

The swing in my waist,   

And the joy in my feet.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,   

They say they still can’t see.   

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,   

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.   

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.   

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,   

The bend of my hair,   

the palm of my hand,   

The need for my care.   

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

By Maya Angelou (from her collection: The Complete Collected Poems)

Woman Alive - Poetry by Marjorie H Morgan

Woman Alive

There are diamonds

in her heart

along with dreams

you dare not start ...

There is moonlight

in her walk

there is passion

in her talk ...

There are rainbows

in her eyes

there are dances

in her thighs ...

This woman has

excitement in her smiles.

(1995)

© Marjorie H Morgan 2012

Miracle - Poetry by Marjorie H Morgan

Miracle

A moment passes

a minute flees

the hour slips away

the day is gone

the month retreated

time moves without delay.

The world is ageing

before our eyes

there’s nothing we can do.

As this miracle takes place

no one notices the growing     d   i   s   t   a   n   c   e

between us two.

(1995)

© Marjorie H Morgan 2012

untitled - Poetry by Marjorie H Morgan

Poetry – untitled

powerful emotion conquers knowledge

you are my truth

terrestrial heart loses its edge

Naomi for Ruth

planets fear the literary drought

desire ignites

erratic heart thumps and shouts

awaiting invite

established reason vanquished

without effort

lifelong sense is banished

to live in yourt

reaction to your presence

in mind or sight

drowning with concupiscence

desired outright

(1998)

© Marjorie H Morgan 2012 

The World’s Song - Poetry by Marjorie H Morgan

The World’s Song

The world is my guide, I’ll always want more.

It makes me run around in busy streets: it leads me up and down

crowded motorways. It unsettles my soul and  leads me in the ways

of gross wickedness and greed for its own purposes.

Even though I travel through the most dangerous areas of the cities I am

not afraid because I am never alone, my gun and my drugs keep me

safe and content.

The world is open to me, I can sit with those who hate me because

of my worldly power; I have so many benefits and opportunities I

can’t count them all.

Without a doubt I will be dogged by fear and uncertainty all the days

of my life but I will stay in the way of the world for ever.

(1997)

© Marjorie H Morgan 2012 

The other woman - Poetry by Marjorie H Morgan

The other woman

The other woman

was so loved

she had a special place

away from those boring friends

away from those public places

away from those ordinary events

The other woman

was so loved

she had a special time

much later

later than was promised

later than was convenient

later than was kind

The other woman

was so unloved

while waiting again

she took a special look

over

all that was missing

all that was ordinary

all that was promised

The other woman

so loved herself

that she found a special place

in the open

with ordinary events that were convenient

with kind friends in public places

with missing promises that ended waiting

(1996)

© Marjorie H Morgan 2012 

Catalysts

Waiting for other people to do something, or anything, before you do something is about waiting for action to take place so that your reaction can follow.

It’s about following.

But it’s only concerning incidents that follow once the main event has taken place.

The complete situation is like a chemical equation: it’s all in relation to being a catalyst or a reaction.

Depending on the catalyst the reaction can be rapid or slow, and at the end of the reactive process the catalyst remains the same. Given these facts, I think it’s worth considering whether I want to be a catalyst for change or merely have a reaction to change imposed on me. The reactive element of this process is usually altered at the end of it while the catalyst remains the same: able to cause reactions within different environments again and again.

With that choice to make I’d suggest it is better to live an active than a re-active life.

It’s March, a new month, so that can be a catalyst, can’t it? I think the start of each month means a spring into action ... doesn’t it?

Leap Day Resolutions

All over the British Isles people have been taking part in Leap Day activities and making Leap Day resolutions. Well, that’s what they’ve said on some news programmes that I’ve been listening to this month.

This got me wondering about what times of leaps I would be prepared to take this special day. Tradition has it that women can be the one to propose on this day and if rejected they must be provided with twelve pairs of gloves (so that they can hide their ring less hands all the year around). This, and other traditions have made me smile as I have thought about what I can and will do with this extra day of the month.

I already wear gloves, but not to hide the lack of any rings, more to ward of the bitter winds and cold. So I rejected that idea that would make me the recipient of a dozen pairs of gloves (and my proposal has already been accepted, so it was not necessary on this particular day anyway).

A friend of mine indicated that he was waiting for my proposal to him, but he did send the message from his fortified bunker in the middle of nowhere so I knew that he was not really open to any approach from me. Nevertheless, we can continue to live in hope. Isn’t that right P?

Anyway, back to reality. The radio programmes were encouraging people to take advantage of the extra day in February and use it as an excuse to do something they had never done before. And many did. One woman, who was blind, enjoyed her first tandembike ride; a man, who suffers from panic attacks, depression and agoraphobia, travelled on a bus to a local town for the first time in four years. Another man told his colleagues that he is gay and has been with his partner for nearly 20 years. At several schools the children, teachers and support staff leapt to different classrooms for lessons and undertook each others’ roles for an hour.

There have been so many leaps.

But, here’s a gift for you, you don’t have to wait for another 4 years to make your own leap – you can do it now! But you knew that, didn’t you?

It’ll be great to share what extraordinary leaps you’ve taken. Feel free to let me know about your daily or yearly leaps and I’ll keep telling you about mine: it’s only fair.

Locked in

Prisons are not places that people usually choose to go to. However, some people who have relative freedom can find themselves locked into certain prisons.

I have discovered that there are situations where fear can imprison you and you remain as securely isolated as if you were being prevented from escaping by bars, locked doors and armed guards in surveillance towers.

Poverty is also a way of efficiently preventing people from moving from their current situations. Some circumstances can be altered by sheer will power, others may need more assistance.

If there is a way out of incarceration I’m always going to take it. I will make my own escape plan and  - if the opportunity arises – I will work with others to leave the cells of destruction, but I will not remain locked in - it’s not healthy.

Qualities and Blessings

There are times in life when we cannot see our own wonderful qualities. This is where others come into the picture. (You could also use a mirror to physically look at yourself or the mental reflective mirror is also useful to discover these qualities.)

In case you are having difficulties pinpointing one right now I am going to provide a starting list of qualities and suggest you pick any one of them, because I know they are all relevant to you. Go on, try this, it’ll be fun and revealing.

Qualities:

Strength                      Politeness                    Kindness                     Sincerity

Honesty                       Humility                       Charity                         Civility

Courteous                   Sympathy                    Empathy                      Compassion

Altruism                       Wisdom                      Judgement                   Enthusiasm

Focus                          Respect                      Awareness                   Attentiveness

Patience                      Punctuality                  Flexibility                      Self-control

Resourcefulness        Discretion                   Determination               Sensitivity

I could go on, but I’m sure you’ve picked out more than a hand-full already. But you only need one for this part of the exercise, you can go back and do it again later with another one. That proves how many wonderful qualities you have already from this incomplete starter list.

The next thing to do is to create for yourself a blessing using the handy blessing template I have provided below:

It’s a one-size-fits-all template – all you have to do is to fill in the sections after putting your chosen quality in the first section. For example, “I accept for myself the gift of ... strength.”

I think you’ll be able to do the rest on your own.

Enjoy your qualities and your blessings. Remember to repeat this exercise regularly for a good outlook on your life.

You deserve your blessings because ... you have the qualities and you’re worth it!

Create a blessing

I accept for myself the gift of ....................................................................................

I experience its power to be present in my life as .....................................................

...................................................................................................................................

May it enable me to change ......................................................................................

...................................................................................................................................

And may it bring me the deep experience of ............................................................

...................................................................................................................................

Using your imagination

How can you use your imagination? Let me count the ways ...

While you’re off counting your own ways to use your imagination I’d like to share something with you. Don’t worry, it’ll still be here when you’ve finished.

You see, I’ve been blessed with information that I am honour (love) bound to share with you all. It’s about using your imagination for spiritual progress. I attended a seminar about just that topic. It was a reminder of what we have inside of us and how we can best use it to assist our spiritual journey. It was a wonderful few hours in tranquil surroundings. 

As I said, I cannot keep this information to myself, so here it is for you to take with you on your own spiritual journey. I am sharing the gift I received with you – I know, I’m generous. You can thank me later ...

Because imagination is the central force of change, I think we should all invest more time into using it. Here are a few nuggets to get your own imaginative juices flowing as you take steps on your way today. Have fun.

I          “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Albert Einstein

            Imagination is a private place, no one else can be in my imagination

– not even by invitation: it is mine, alone.

M       Meditation

            When you take time to listen to yourself and God you can increase your creativity.

When we give ourselves up to creativity, we open ourselves up to G.O.D.

            Good Orderly Direction

A        Active Imagination and Active Listening

            To be an active listener we need to “switch off the self”.

            Listen with your ears, eyes, heart and imagination. Listen to the whole person.

G        Gratitude

            Inspect your baggage and see what you’ve already got.

            Make a gratitude list.

Start with 20 and see how many you get. More than you thought? Be grateful.

I          Images that inspire

            Find and use images that inspire you.

Go for a walk, go to a museum, look at photographs.

       

N        Nature is a great opportunity for exercising the imagination

            Select anything you find and look at it, really look at it and think about it.

A        Award yourself a blessing

            This may seem difficult at first but it’s not.

Think of a quality, any one and make yourself a blessing from it

(find out more here).

T         Ticket to Ride

            Your imagination is your ticket to ... anywhere. You can go where you like.

            Time

            Make time to ... be at peace. Start with a minute. You have a minute, surely?

            Change your thinking and change your life in just-a-minute 

I          Imagine a world ... as it could be, as it should be.

            Change your world and you change the whole world. Imagine that.

            Smile more, be cooperative, practice total acceptance, forgive and be truthful.

            What a difference those few things make in the world.

O       Open-minded

           Be open-minded and think about what is in the way of your own spiritual progress.

           Open yourself to help to surmount the obstacles.

           Imagine what it would be like if your dreams came true.

N     Now - right now!

           Now is a good time to make the change and really start using your imagination.

“With imagination you can free yourself from the chains of your own solitary perceived reality.”

 Davina Lloyd

“Perhaps imagination is only intelligence having fun.”

George Scialabba

Let us pray for those who try - Poetry by Ken Walsh

We so often pray

For people in trouble.

Let us pray also

For the loving,

The joyful,

The kind and

The courageous.

Ken Walsh (From his collection – Sometimes I Weep)

Nonsense!

In a world primarily focussed on binary opposites it is understood that the contradictory position of sense is nonsense.

Nonsense is meaningless gibberish (isn't it?) – whether communicated in words or signs. This leads to incoherence (doesn't it?). Just look at how Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland progress and you’ll see exactly what I mean.

There are times when all that once seemed sensible and logical no longer appears that way. It all becomes nonsense.

This is a great opportunity to use your imagination; to see things another way. It’s a risk, that’s true, but it’s one that is worth taking I think.

Imagination hold so many possibilities – ask any child at play, they’ll show you how. What at first seems like nonsense may highlight certain previously undiscovered ideas. I plan to embrace nonsense!

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.”

Theodore Seuss Geisel (Dr Seuss)

Funeral Blues - Poetry by W H Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public
    doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W H Auden

John Hannah recites Funeral Blues in Four Weddings and a Funeral

Survive and thrive

Trauma is no respecter of gender, creed, ‘race’, sexuality, continent, weather system ... you get my drift? 

When trauma arrives it does not first check any passport or identity document, it is swift and uncompromising in its severity. Trauma sweeps through all real or imagined borders.

It is like being picked up from your everyday life and sucked into the centre of a whirlwind only to be unceremoniously thrown from there and landing in a confused state of mind and body somewhere else. I’d compare it to suddenly awakening in the middle of an Olympic hurdles final in a wheel chair. Flummoxed and confused you reel from side to side trying to regain your balance and negotiate the obstacles in front of you. 

You can see what you ought to do, but the first thought is that everything from thereon in is impossible.

Having been traumatised in the past I know that it is all one can do to try to breathe - much less to figure out how to progress from this moment to the next. Nevertheless, the survival instinct does eventually kick in and you decide to endure. You find or make your own way through. This is when you regain your ability to be extraordinary. This is the first moment of triumph in your new reality. 

I am blessed that I have found many more such moments.

I am now thriving. Following my survival of the traumatic events I bore through the pain and made it to today where I can say “It’s good to survive and thrive”. Doing otherwise was never really an option for very long.

My life is blessed.

I am constantly awed by other people who have also experienced their own traumas and keep on keeping on. People like Beverly Kearney, the track and field coach who suffered severe injury but refused to give in to defeat. I have seen images of her in her hospital bed and trackside in her wheelchair as she coached her team to repeated victories. She never gave up, she too, survived and thrived.

Each one of us faces our own traumas. They may never be the same as mine or Beverly Kearney’s but they are traumatic in each individual life. We can survive and thrive, it all starts with the will to do so. We have to keep on trying.

“And when people ask me ‘how is it that you have succeeded in spite of your obstacles?’ And you know what I tell them? ‘I don’t have a choice.’ I don’t have a choice. Because my hero is my history, and my history is a legacy of people who have triumphed over tragedy, who have succeeded in spite of the oppression. How can I fail because they have taught me failure is not an option.”  

Beverly Kearney

In the Ark

Many people are familiar with the story of Noah’s Ark – even those who have no religious inclination know this tale.

I had reason to reconsider what it was like inside the ark when I was away from familiar surroundings earlier this week. I was not scared because of any end of the world prophecy neither was I about to be covered in a deluge of water – although it had been raining earlier that day. No, rather than that, I was thinking of the amount of love and joy that was in that structure. There was a feeling of connection, purpose and shared future right there. It weaved itself between smiles, hugs and handshakes. Everyone was joined together by an invisible but strong thread of love. I was sat inside a pub (an unusual location for me on any given day, especially a Monday afternoon), nevertheless I was aware of the way I was feeling whilst there.

Inside that pub, remote from my home, I felt more at peace and comfortable – no doubt, like the original inhabitants of the ark – than I do when I attend my weekly church service. That fact disturbed me, merely because of the alienation from peace that accompanies me in the company of people who profess to be Christians but often show habits that would not be out of place in an SS meeting.

The family and friends gathered in that pub were mostly strangers to me, yet they were genuinely warm and welcoming to me. I felt at home. I felt safe in the pub that became my ark for the afternoon.

I will continue to find safety in the mobile ark that I am constructing – according to God’s plans for my life, and I hope that I will someday replicate that feeling of safety that I experienced in the pub in more places that I frequent, especially my weekly church attendance.

Expressions of me

Each performance, race, book, word and smile is an expression of a unique part of its creator. You and I are constantly creating exclusive representations of our beings with every act.

What unique memory of you are you sharing right now?