These are my musings and observations on my daily life, loves and the laughter that are all a part of my experience of living now in the shires of England.

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Channels of thought

It is good to listen and it is good to help. But you really have to know when to block the communications off.

If you do not then you can become a channel for an unrestricted flow of unpleasantness.

I think I am a fairly open person and I do like to listen to others; it is by listening that I have learnt so much about what people really want and what they are like. However, I have realised that there comes a time when some routes of communication must be blocked from my end.

I have accepted that some of my relationships with people are based on how they feel at the time and whether or not they want to talk to me. These relationships are like a one way street. Usually I don’t disturb this flow and keep the way open for all access from them at any time. But I know that this is not the healthiest way forward for me. This is because I have seen repeated patterns of behaviour that are simply defined as blatant abuse and disregard for my feelings or opinions.

I have found my own purest thoughts are those I write down – when I am undisturbed.

It was when I was re-reading some diary entries from the last decade that I was reminded of how channelling other people’s pain can lead to living in your own abyss of intensified suffering.

My ex-partner and my family never got on; at the time that saddened me deeply. Now, I am older and have more coping skills, back then I was in the middle of their non-communications and it hurt badly to hold on to some comments – hiding them – and to request others were withheld. I have found that so often people would say to me, “I have to say this ...” regardless of the fact I have politely asked them not to. Then they would plough in with words like sharp swords cutting away at my heart ribbon by ribbon.

So now my choice is that when people insist on trying to push their negativity onto me I will block their flow. This may be with a firm word,” No!” it may be by physical relocation (of myself away from them if they will not leave) or it may be by informing them that their behaviour towards me (has never been acceptable and) is no longer allowed into my life.

When poison is threatening to flow into a pure water source it has to be redirected and obstructed. I know it is my right to keep my channels of thought clear. I think there are surprises ahead when people encounter my “no entry” blockades.

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