These are my musings and observations on my daily life, loves and the laughter that are all a part of my experience of living now in the shires of England.

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Present to myself

It’s not my birthday, it’s not Christmas, it’s not ... anything special to celebrate – thus went my reasoning as I started to talk myself out of a gift. I have been waiting for a long while to but a certain item and it always gets postponed because something more important comes up.
Then I thought ... how important am I to myself? Do I deserve to get gifts?
I love to give gifts and I frequently do. However, I am not that great at receiving gifts from other or (as it turns out) from myself. But this has now all changed. Well, at least today it has.
Today I bought myself a big gift. Apart from the actual physical item I also gave myself the gift of acknowledgement that I am worth it. Today I have told myself that I am worth the time, I am worth the effort, I am worth the sacrifice, I am worth the choice of good things in life.
You see, usually I’ll chose to wait and let someone else have the present or I will take a less appropriate model as some form of self-sacrificing gesture. But – for a change – I said ‘yes’ to myself and I must say that it feels really good.
For a while after the purchase I was still beating myself up and thinking of more sensible ways to spend the money. This obviously means that it has been far too long since I indulged myself and far too long since all I have been is sensible. So what am I celebrating with this act of generosity? I am celebrating myself! I am choosing to value myself with the same high regard as I value others. I know they feel good, because they tell me so, and today I feel the same.
I trusted my instincts – even though I continually questioned them and at the end of this day I can say that I think I should give more presents to myself because this does feel so very good!

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