Present to myself

It’s not my birthday, it’s not Christmas, it’s not ... anything special to celebrate – thus went my reasoning as I started to talk myself out of a gift. I have been waiting for a long while to but a certain item and it always gets postponed because something more important comes up.

Then I thought ... how important am I to myself? Do I deserve to get gifts?

I love to give gifts and I frequently do. However, I am not that great at receiving gifts from other or (as it turns out) from myself. But this has now all changed. Well, at least today it has.

Today I bought myself a big gift. Apart from the actual physical item I also gave myself the gift of acknowledgement that I am worth it. Today I have told myself that I am worth the time, I am worth the effort, I am worth the sacrifice, I am worth the choice of good things in life.

You see, usually I’ll chose to wait and let someone else have the present or I will take a less appropriate model as some form of self-sacrificing gesture. But – for a change – I said ‘yes’ to myself and I must say that it feels really good.

For a while after the purchase I was still beating myself up and thinking of more sensible ways to spend the money. This obviously means that it has been far too long since I indulged myself and far too long since all I have been is sensible. So what am I celebrating with this act of generosity? I am celebrating myself! I am choosing to value myself with the same high regard as I value others. I know they feel good, because they tell me so, and today I feel the same.

I trusted my instincts – even though I continually questioned them and at the end of this day I can say that I think I should give more presents to myself because this does feel so very good!